


I'll Lead You home

by Phxreign



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Angst, Cheap Motels, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Jon and the Starks Are Not Related, Loss of Virginity, Lyanna is not a Stark either, POV Alternating, Route 66 - Freeform, Secrets, Slow Burn, long burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 22:25:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 86,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13984590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phxreign/pseuds/Phxreign
Summary: Following a family tragedy, circumstances threaten to suffocate Sansa Stark in her hometown. When her ex boyfriend Jon Snow offers her a chance to escape she takes it. So the exes set out on a cross country road trip that will set the stage for the next chapter in their lives. But will the road lead them back together or will the secrets of Jon's past tear them apart forever?





	1. Winter Falls

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by the song/video "Sleep on the Floor" by The Lumineers and a tiny bit by the book "The Dive from Clausen's Pier."

Sansa Stark stood in a black knee length dress and pulled her black cardigan tightly closed in front as the breeze kicked up. It was a clear fall morning, the sun was shining radiantly, illuminated the brightly colored leaves. Orange, yellow, bright red contrasting with the cerulean sky. It had always been her mother's favorite time of year.

"In the movies it's always raining at funerals," Sansa said as her younger sister Arya came to stand beside her on the deck that overlooked their backyard.

"Mom would've loved today. A nice beautiful fall day. Too bad we are wasting it on bury her," Arya said bitterly. Sansa said nothing. She continued to survey the large back yard, the trees, the garden. Her eyes finally came to a rest on the mums that her mother had planted just last week.

"Sansa? Arya? We need to get going. I need to speak to the reverend before the service," Robb, their older brother, called from the patio door.

Arya turned and headed in. Sansa headed down into the yard. "Sansa?" Arya called.

"I'll be right there," she answered. She made her way to the mums and tore off several handfuls. She made a large bouquet and then headed back towards the house. She looked down at the flowers and sighed. She hoped it would be enough so she could bury some with all three of them.

xxxxxxx

The cathedral was packed. She knew her parents had been important to the community, had touched a lot of people's lives, but this drove the point home. Her father had been a judge and had sat on the bench for over twenty years. And up until her cancer diagnosis eighteen months ago, her mother had been an active member of several charities and other organization within the community. Seeing her parents' friends and associates had brought her some solace. Seeing Bran and Rickon's friends and classmates had produced the opposite effect. It had gutted her. Their pain was so raw. It broke her heart they had to experience loss so young.

The accident had happened last Saturday night. Their parents and younger brothers had been coming home from Rickon's cross country meet. It had been a long day and they had stopped for dinner. It had gotten dark and they were less than thirty miles from home when a drunk driver had crossed the median and plowed into them. It had been raining and the force spun the car into the next lane where it had been hit by an oncoming truck. Their parents and Rickon had died instantly. Bran had managed to survive but he was still in the hospital, in a medically induced coma. They had been told he was paralyzed. If and when he woke up, he would never walk again.

The county sheriff and longtime friend of their father, Rodrik Cassel, had been the one to notify Robb in the early morning hours on Sunday. He had driven two hours to Robb’s place in Ann Arbor. Robb had been married just over a year and recently found out they had a baby on the way. Since he was the first to know it had fallen to him to notify his sisters. Arya had been in Belgium. It was her study abroad year. She hadn’t been able to get a flight until Monday and then it had taken her nearly a day to fly home. The number of layovers she suffered through had left her exhausted and beyond irritable. She was little help to anyone by the time she arrived home.

Sansa had been in Chicago visiting Margaery, her once college roommates at SACI. She hadn’t told anyone in the family yet, but now that Catelyn’s cancer was in remission and she seemed to be doing well, Sansa had re-enroll for the spring semester. She had gotten Robb’s call at 5 am, after a night of heavy drinking. In a daze and probably more drunk then hungover, she had taken a cab to the train station and headed back home.

 Robb met her at the train station and had driven them to the family home. He had been half crazed when she’d arrived. Jeyne was at the hospital with Bran. He had been holding off his grief so he could do what needed to be done, but having her there finally allowed him to give into his pain. He had disappeared in the woods behind the house less than an hour after she arrived. He didn’t return for a few hours.

Of all the Stark children Sansa had been the most practical one, the one that got things done. Much like her mother, she was the planner of the family. She was the one that was always willing to put everything on hold or ignore her own needs when the family needed something. She was the daughter that never protested when in high school she had to stay home on weekends to watch after her siblings. She was the one that could be counted on to help her mother clean and cook when her parents hosted parties. She was the one that helped her father with his re-election campaigns. Unfortunately, that had also meant that she was the one that had been expected to quit school last year when their mother had gotten sick and had needed help. The one who's life had been interrupted and put on hold. The one that, at times, found herself resenting her siblings for their ability to detach and leave all the heavy lifting to her. But now was not the time to dwell on that. So, keeping with the past, she took charge from Robb, finishing the notifications and making the funeral arrangements.

The service had been lovely but long. She supposed that was to be expected when you were essentially having three funerals. The receiving line after had been exhausting. Arya naturally had bailed half way through. She'd had enough of people's sobbing as they hugged her. Sansa had stayed dutifully standing beside Robb and Jeyne until every guest that wished to, had expressed their condolences. And that included an awkward exchange and hug with Robb's best friend and her ex-boyfriend, Jon Snow, who had slunk in just as the service had been drawing to a close.

What remained of the family had climbed in the limo after that and gone to the cemetery. The service there was long as well as they lowered each casket into the ground. Sansa had tossed the mums into each grave along with the handfuls of earth. When she had looked up she had found Jon's eyes on her. When their eyes had locked he had given her a sad half smile which she had returned.

They went back to the house after that to host the reception. She was running on auto pilot by then. Looking back Sansa wasn't sure how she was still standing at that point, she had barely slept the last few days. She answered the caterer's questions and accepted more condolences. She had barely eaten but she had been sipping a fair amount of wine.

She was standing in the kitchen watching the caterer clearing away some of the empty dishes and suddenly she felt terribly alone. Arya had disappeared again, probably to call her boyfriend in Europe. The one that she had just told Sansa about last night. Robb was tending to his pregnant wife. She knew then that it wasn't that she just felt alone, she was alone.

Sansa's thoughts were interrupted by her Aunt Lysa's voice. "You didn't cry at the services."

Sansa stared at her trying to process her Aunt's accusation. She realized other than a few tears on the train and when she had been greeted by Robb last Sunday, she had not cried over this tragedy. The tears had been pushed down, bottled up. There was too much to do. There were too many people to take care of. She suddenly felt overwhelmed, the true weight of everything, or lack thereof, in her life threatened to drown her. She turned suddenly, grabbed a bottle of wine and went out on the patio to catch her breath.

It was colder now; the sun had set. The breeze had kicked up as well, but she didn't care. She went into the yard and sat on the stone bench in the garden. The one her father had built for her mother on their last anniversary. She sipped her wine and started back into the house, watching the people in the windows. Some were laughing and hugging, others wiping tears or looking somber. She suddenly felt detached from it all.

She sat contemplating her future. She had always been the good one. The dutiful daughter, the charity worker, the straight A student, the honors graduate. And now it felt like there was no point to anything. She was alone, sitting outside her childhood home, her parents dead, her baby brother dead. Who was going to take care of Bran? Was that to fall to her now as well?

"If you go back there you'll probably never be able to leave again."

"Why would you say that? And even if that was true, would it be so terrible? Regardless, right now they need me. I can't just ignore them."

"Well I'm telling you now; I'm never going to move back there. That will never be my home again. If you go, and you stay….."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying I love you, but I'm not going to live there, not now, not ever."

"Ok, so what does that mean for us then?"

"I don't know."

One of their final fights as a couple played in her mind. Jon had been right, she would be trapped here now. She hated that life had proved him right. She started to laugh as the tears spilled down her cheeks and she buried her face in her hands.

"Sansa?" she heard his deep voice call out to her and she looked up. She wondered if she had somehow conjured him up in her mind. They had remained somewhat friendly after they had broken up a year ago, but they rarely spoke. In fact, things easily turned awkward between them when they actually saw each other, like at Robb's New Year's party. That was probably the reason they had kept their distance from each other so far today. He had hung close to Jeyne, Robb and Arya. She had stayed busy with the other guest in order to avoid the exchange she knew was inevitable. Sitting here looking up at him now she suddenly thought about the last time they had been at a funeral together, the night she'd lost her virginity to him. She flushed and a bubble of laughter escaped her. What an inappropriate thought to have on the day you bury your family.

"You missed most of the church service," she stated once her laughter subsided.

"I know. I'm sorry."

Sansa studied him hard. This probably wasn't easy on him. He had practically been raised in this house. He was Robb's best friend, her younger siblings' surrogate big brother, the one-time love of her life. He still cared for her on some level she knew. She realized then she was upset he'd waited until now to be here. All of them, her included, could've used his help.

"So, Jon. What kept you?" she asked. The indictment in her voice was clear.

Jon sighed and sat beside her and took a drink of her wine. He stared back into the house and closed his eyes for a long moment. When he opened them he seemed a bit distance.

"You're thinking about your mom aren't you?" she ventured. Her tone now softer.

He turned and looked at her. How was it that she still could read his mind after more than a year apart? He was thinking of Lyanna at the moment, but that wasn't what had almost kept him away.

"My job. Remember good old Mr. Thorne?" Sansa nodded. "He told me I couldn't have the time off. We had a major client we were trying to close in Atlanta. Initially I was going to stay, follow his orders. But then yesterday I just…. I was just thought fuck it, I'm going. So, I quit and here I am."

Sansa gaped at him. Jon won't meet her eye. He had only told her part of the truth, he wasn't ready to discuss the other part and he didn't want her to see it in his eyes.

"You quit? You just walked away?"

Jon said nothing and took another drink of her wine.

"So, what are you going to do?"

Now he met here gaze. He looked determined, a decision made.

"I don't exactly know. All I do know is I don't want the life I was living." He took in her sudden hopeful expression. "Sansa, I'm not planning to move back here either." Her face fell. "I just know I need to face some things. I'm just not sure…." he trailed off. He needed her if was going to go through with his plan, but how did he tell her any of the things that currently were swirling in his mind?

She couldn't do this with him. She couldn't let herself get pulled back into his orbit, not when she knew her place would now likely be here forever. She rose from the bench. His hand shot out and grabbed her wrist. She stopped and looked back at him. He rose from the bench but kept hold of her wrist.

"I'm leaving tonight. Come with me."

"What?! I couldn't possibly –"

"You can."

She shook her head. "Jon, I can't. My family, Bran –"

He took her face between her hands. "For once Sansa, for once be selfish. Be impulsive. Don't overthink it." He knew this would do her good. At least that is what he told himself to drown out the voice that was telling him he was being selfish.

She stared into his eyes letting the grey swallow her for a moment. Suddenly there was no other noise but the sound of their heavy breathing. She felt her chest start to heave in time with his. Was she actually considering this? She stepped back and shook her head.

"Sansa…."

"I'm sorry."

She turned and headed back in the house, leaving him standing in the garden staring at her retreating form.

"There you are," Lysa admonished her. "Some people are getting ready to leave. The caterer needs paid. Your brother and sister are nowhere to be found either."

"Aunt Lysa -," she began.

"I know this is hard, but you are adults. And well, you all have responsibilities now," Lysa began and then went on. Her words faded away as Sansa looked passed her out the front window. She saw a cab pull up. She could see by the light of the street lamp that it was Jon walking towards it. Suddenly her heart seized.

"Excuse me," she said suddenly and pushed passed her aunt. She grabbed her purse and went straight out the front door. Once outside she ran down the walk.

"Jon! Wait!"

He paused with his hand on the open door and half turned towards her. His eyes widened in shock and hope. She stopped in front of him for the briefest moment. She meant his eyes and gave him a soft half smile and a nod, and then without a word slid into the cab. Jon smiled, shook his head and slid in beside her.

"Where to?" the cabbie asked.

Sansa was looking at him expectantly. After a long moment and without looking away from her Jon answered, "Bus station."

Xxxxxxxx

When they had arrived at the bus terminal they had decided to buy tickets on the next available route. This had resulted in them ending up in Indianapolis. They arrived as the sun was rising. They hadn't spoken much of the way here as Sansa had fallen asleep fifteen minutes into the trip. They stood in the bus station now staring at the departure board trying to plan their next step.

"Maybe we should go get breakfast and then decide what we are doing," Sansa said. She was starting to have doubts about this whole thing. Had she really just agreed to run off with him like this? She was not impulsive or selfish. She had turned her phone off in the cab because she knew a call or a text from her siblings would have turned her back. But the doubts were heavy now. She wanted to stall them a little while until she actually thought about what they were doing.

"Ok, that sounds good," he agreed. They went outside and took a cab to a nearby diner. Once they were shown to a booth, Jon excused himself to the restroom. Sansa turned on her phone finally and the alerts started to chime.

The texts initially were from Arya and Robb, and eventually Jeyne. The overall message was they had no idea where she was, and they were concerned. In the light of day, and with no wine in her system, she realized this had been a completely irresponsible thing to do. And then the last text rolled in. It was from Lysa.

"Sansa, I'm not sure where you ran off to last night, but you have responsibilities young lady. What would your mother say?"

She looked up to see Jon had returned. He slid in the booth and watched her carefully, glancing at the phone and at her expression.

"They're worried I imagine," he stated.

She nodded. He reached across the table and took her hand. "Do you want to go back?"

She looked at their joined hands and then up at his face. There was something in his expression she rarely saw, a need, a want. It wasn't in a lustful way, it was something completely different. It was the same expression that had started everything between them all those years ago on the night of his mother's funeral. Could her parents' deaths have caused that look now?

Before she could answer the phone pinged again and she glanced down at it. The text was from Arya. "I guess you are having a moment. Well please try to hurry, I'm headed back to Belgium in two days and someone needs to be here to be responsible for Bran."

Of course it was just assumed she would be the one to handle it all. "No," she whispered.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you," Jon said.

The phone pinged again, this time it was Robb. "Where are you? Sansa you are worrying me."

She withdrew her hand from Jon's and typed out here response. "I love you big brother. Tell Arya I love her too. But I need to do something for me. I'm safe, try not to worry. Talk soon."

She sent the message and then turned off the phone. "No, I don't want to go back. Not yet," she replied.

xxxxxxxxxx

Jon had opened up to her a little over breakfast. He told her briefly how working for Thorne had progressively gotten worse in the last year. The man was a tyrant, demanding and uncaring. Jon had started to worry that if he continued to work for him he might risk becoming him. He revealed that there had been moments in the last year in which he thought he might be headed down that road. He had missed several of his friends' weddings or other important events just so he could help Thorne chase clients and larger payouts.

"I don't want to be ruled by the quest for power and money. I thought once maybe I did. That money would mean a better life, an easier life. I mean if my mother had…" He'd gotten choked up then. Sansa knew what he wanted to say that if Lyanna had been better off, if she hadn't been working two jobs to put him through school she might have gotten medical attention sooner. She might not have had to die so young.

Sansa knew him well enough to know there was something else there as well. It was the something that had triggered this whole thing. Jon could be impulsive, but to quit his job, to decide to hit the road and ask her to come, well that was on a whole different level even for him. But he didn't seem ready to discuss it, and she wasn't ready to push, so she let it go for now.

"I'm glad you decided to come. I knew it could be good for you, though I honestly didn't think you would agree," he said when they were nearly finished eating.

"I'm glad you asked. I never expected it. I would never have imagined it was something I wanted. But sitting here with you….. Well I'm glad I'm here."

They finished eating and left the diner. They wandered into a nearby thrift store. They had left her house with nothing, and if they were really planning on some epic road trip then they were going to need clothes.

Their moods were lighter now. They joked and played around, trying on a variety of ridiculous things. After an hour they had changed into comfortable clothing and finally completed their purchases, including a duffel back that they shoved everything into.

They took a cab to a bank and Jon disappeared inside. He came out a few minutes later and gave the cabbie an address from his phone. The cab pulled into traffic and started heading out of town.

"Where are we going?" she asked him, her curiosity piqued.

"You'll see."

She smiled and nodded and then rested her head on his shoulder. He smiled at that. It felt good to have her so close again. This is what he had been missing. He meant what he had told her, he would never move back to their hometown, but he should've fought harder for her. He should've found another way to try and make this work.

He didn't expect this trip to get them back together. In fact, he was almost certain that once she figured out he had asked her to go for his benefit and not hers she might not want anything to do with him. But even if she did forgive him for this, well he wasn't sure if she still even felt anything romantic towards him. But he needed a friend right now. And since his mother had gotten sick and died she had become the person he trusted most in the world. He still called Robb his best friend, but in truth it was probably Sansa. He knew eventually he would have to tell her what had really sparked this trip. But for now, he would just enjoy her company.

The cab came to a stop outside a house and they got out. A middle age man was standing in the yard and waved at them.

"Car's out back," he said when they got closer.

"Car?" Sansa asked.

"If we are doing this I want it to be on our schedule, not the bus'," Jon answered.

Jon checked over the car. It was old and fairly beat up, but the man assured them it ran great. Jon paid him. He tossed their duffle bag in the trunk and off they went.

"Where are we going?" she asked when they reached the interstate.

"Do you trust me?" he responded.

"I suppose I do," she said with a smile.

"Then just sit back and relax. Enjoy the ride."

Sansa laughed and shook her head, more at herself then him. Who had she become in the last twenty-four hours? But she decided not to fight it and tipped her head back towards the window and watched the horizon slip by.

She was asleep in a matter of a few miles. Jon smiled as he glanced in her direction as a soft snore escaped her slightly opened mouth. He was glad they were here together. He stared at the road and felt his mind wander. There were hundreds of miles to drive and not much else to do, so he flipped on the radio and let himself start to think about how they had even gotten to this point in their lives.


	2. Hannibal, MO

_Four Years Ago_

_This was all his mother's fault. She had convinced him to take this partial scholarship and pursue this stupid dream of being a doctor. Now he was a college junior that never slept, never had fun. His life was his part time job, going to class and studying. He knew from Robb he was not having an ideal college experience. He rarely had time for parties, and definitely not for girls. He knew he shouldn't be upset with his mother. After all she was sacrificing as well. She was working two jobs to support them both._

_But today as he sat studying in his dorm room feeling completely overwhelmed he didn't feel so generous. He put his book down and stared out his window as the first snow storm of the season. He could see other students out enjoying it, throwing snowballs, carrying lunch trays to go slid down the hill. On days like this he wished he'd picked an easier route, one that would allow him some measure of fun. He sighed. There'll be time for that in the future. This will all be worth it one day he tried to tell himself._

_His roommate, Sam, was at the library studying. He supposed he should be thankful that he had been blessed with a roommate that was just as serious as he was. It also helped Sam was a bit socially awkward. It meant he wasn't one to distract Jon from school work with party invitations or other things that would make him feel left out of the fun. No, that's what his suite mates Pyp and Grenn were for._

_"God, stop wallowing. It's almost Thanksgiving. After that just a couple more weeks and finals. You got this Snow," he told himself and then picked his book back up. In just a couple more days he would be able to go back home for the long weekend. He'd get to see his mother. He'd get to spend some time with Robb and the other Starks. Maybe for a couple of days he could pretend he was a teenager again, sleep late, hang out in the Stark basement playing video games. It sounded like the break he needed. He could make it a couple more days._

_xxxxxxxx_

_Lyanna picked him up from the train station. She looked like she had lost weight since he had gone back to school at the end of summer. She also looked very tired. But Jon expected two jobs would do that to you. He imagined he might look much the same._

_"Excited to be home?" she asked him as they got in the car and headed home._

_"Excited to be free of classes for a few days." His mother raised her eyebrow and gave him a pointed look. "It's good to be home. Good to see you," he added. That made her smile._

_"Will you be around for dinner tonight?"_

_Jon glanced out the window, he wasn't sure why, but he suddenly felt bad he had made plans to meet up with Robb and a couple other guys from high school._

_"Not tonight. So good news for you I guess. You don't have to waste energy cooking for me."_

_"I suppose," she sighed and then added brightly, "I have to work in the morning, but we will at least we have Thanksgiving dinner together. I'm so thankful Catelyn is ok with us crashing their dinner. I'm even more grateful she just asked me to bring rolls."_

_Jon was looking forward to them all spending time together this weekend. The Starks were always so good to him and his mother. He knew he would always be in their debt. Ever since he had made friends with Robb in second grade he had found a place with the Starks. Being raised by a single mother had been rough. Lyanna worked long odd hours and he was always being shuffled around between her few friends and their neighbors. But that had stopped when he met Robb. Catelyn had been more than happy to watch him after school. And they treated him like he was one of their own. They had even put him in after school sports and clubs with Robb. Lyanna was a proud woman and it had been hard for her at first to accept their help. But she saw the joy it all brought Jon, and she knew she won't be able to provide him the same opportunities, so she had swallowed her pride and allowed it._

_The friendship had continued to grow over the years. Lyanna and Catelyn had become close. Jon had been happy that his mother had found such a good friend since before the Starks he could recall her often being lonely. Ned had written him several recommendation letters when he had started to apply for scholarships. When he had been accepted to Northwestern on a partial scholarship he had nearly turned it down. He offered to stay closer to home and attend community college but Lyanna and the Starks had insisted that he seize the opportunity presented. Ned had then helped Lyanna get her second job on the cleaning crew for the courthouse so she could help him pay for school. He had a lot to be thankful for right now. He had the life he had because of his mother and the Starks._

_xxxxxx_

_Thanksgiving dinner had been wonderful. Catelyn, with Sansa's help, had cooked a delicious meal. His mother insisted that they clean up since they had helped do little to prepare. Catelyn had tried to argue but Lyanna had been insistent._

_That was how Jon found himself in the Stark kitchen drying dishes while everyone else was in the basement watching the late football game. He would have much preferred to be doing that, but he knew better than to argue with his mother._

_"So," Lyanna began. Other than the car ride yesterday, this was the first chance she'd had to talk to her son alone. Jon looked at her and waited for her to go on. "How is your social life at school?"_

_Jon snorted. He knew this was her subtle way to try and find out if he was dating anyone. She had never let him live it down that he had been dating Ygritte in high school without telling her. In fact, she'd only even found out about it because she came home early, sick, from work one night and caught them together. Jon had been mortified and she had never let him forget it. He had been grounded for two months after that and had been forced to endure a lengthy sex talk from his mother. He shuttered now recalling it._

_"I'm still single mom. Classes and work take up all my time."_

_"Just as well I suppose. But I would like grandchildren one day."_

_Jon nearly choked on the drink of water he had just taken. "I'm twenty! Calm down. I'm going to take the trash out now."_

_Lyanna just laughed and went back to washing the roasting pan. Jon took the trash bag and headed towards the garage. He was nearly out the door when he heard a crash in the kitchen. He stopped and called out to his mother. There was no response. He set the garbage down and hurried back to the kitchen._

_Lyanna was on the floor and she appeared to be having a seizure. Jon yelled out for help as he ran to her and flipped her on her side. Sansa was the first to arrive in the kitchen and she called out to her parents before calling 911._

_When the paramedics arrived, she was the one that had stayed by his side as they stabilized his mother. She was the one that had held his hand and told him it would be alright. She was the one that had made sure he had his coat and his mother's purse as he climbed into the back of the ambulance. She was the one he remembered had stood calmly in the driveway with her hand raised in a farewell to him as the ambulance pulled away from their house._

xxxxxxx

Present Day

Jon eased the car into the parking space at the rest stop and turned the car off. He watched Sansa sleep for a moment as the memory of that Thanksgiving night faded away. Knowing her as he did now it was not a shock the way she had reacted that day. But he recalled at the time it had surprised him.

Sansa was always pleasant and kind to him, but of all the Stark family members she was the one he spent the least amount of time with. Bran and Rickon followed him and Robb around all the time. They were always trying to imitate them or get their attention. When they were younger it had driven them insane. He and Robb were always scheming ways to ditch the little kids. Arya, in all her tomboy glory had been much the same, but they tolerated her more. Probably because she was closer in age to them and less annoying about it.

Sansa on the other hand was Catelyn's shadow. She was usually found helping her mother with her charity work or on Ned's campaigns. As she got older she started to spend a lot of her time on her photography. Jon often recalled seeing her from Robb's window, standing in the backyard taking pictures of the gardens and the sunsets.

But there had been something about her grace under pressure, her kindness to him on that Thanksgiving Day that had changed the way he saw her. In some ways it was as if he had seen her for her true self for the very first time.

She began to wake and he looked away. He didn't want to explain to her what he was thinking if she were to catch him staring.

"Did we stop?" she yawned.

"Yeah. We're at a rest stop. I wanted to stretch my legs."

She groaned and unfolded herself from the door. She flipped down the visor and looked at herself in the mirror and then groaned again. Jon laughed softly. She always thought she looked worse than she did. And Jon had always loved her best when she first woke up, when she didn't have a hint of make up on and her hair was messy.

"How long are we stopping?" she asked.

"As long as you want I guess."

She glanced at the dash clock. It was early afternoon. There was no reason to linger here too long. "Fifteen minutes?"

"Sounds good," he agreed as they got out of the car.

Sansa went inside the rest stop. She studied the map. According to the map they were just outside Springfield, Illinois. She went into the restrooms and on her way back out she bought a couple of waters and a bag of chips from the vending machines. She also grabbed a few of the tourism brochures. She walked back towards the car and saw Jon standing several feet away from it. He was on the phone. She wondered if it might be Robb. Guilt started to creep in. She had left him with a pregnant wife and a crippled brother. She shook her head making herself stop. Robb was an adult and she was not the only person capable of helping him. If he needed help he could always ask Lysa or Edmure or Benjen. He also had the Westerlings. She was not doing anything wrong by putting herself first. She just hoped she hadn't caused a fight between Jon and Robb.

She climbed back in the car and waited on Jon. A couple minutes later he climbed in as well. He was smiling so she decided it had not been Robb he had been talking to.

"Ready?" he asked starting the car.

"I am, but do you think we can make a stop?" she asked and held out one of the brochures to him.

"Of course," he said as he put the car in drive and headed back out on to interstate.

xxxxxxx

They stopped in Springfield. They ate lunch. They toured Abraham Lincoln's home and went to his tomb. They reminisced about the school project that everyone in middle school had endured, the building of Lincoln's log cabin from popsicle sticks. They laughed recalling how Arya had gotten in big trouble for attempting to turn in Robb's project.

"She might have gotten away with it if she had just remembered to take Robb's damn name off it," Jon chuckled.

"Right? Well at least Bran learned, when he turned in mine a couple of years ago he made sure to paint over my name," she laughed.

Jon laughed at that. He hadn't known Bran had done that. But it made sense, the Stark kids always learned from each other's mistakes and triumphs.

They passed a pawn shop and Sansa asked if they could go in. Jon agreed and thirty minutes later they walked out with a used camera. It wasn't anything fancy, but Sansa was thrilled with it and Jon felt proud at the discount he had been able to negotiate for her.

"Do you think we can make it to the river before sunset?"

Jon glanced at his watch. If they left now and didn't hit any delays they might just make it. "We can try our damnedest."

They raced back to the car and drove west towards the Mississippi River. They were lucky and managed to avoid any delays. They rolled into Hannibal, Missouri right before sunset. They found their way to Lover's Leap using one of the brochures that Sansa had.

Jon couldn't believe how happy she was as she climbed out of the car and began to take photographs of the setting sun. Based on the rate at which she was snapping away he knew they had made the right decision in buying two extra memory cards. She called out to him to go pose on the edge so she could get him in the shot as well. He complied but eventually demanded that she also get in some of the shots. She grumbled slightly about her hatred of selfies but she smiled in the pictures all the same.

Once the light faded away they made their way off the bluff. They grabbed dinner at a small café in town. Over dinner they discussed where they were headed. Jon told her he wanted to go to California and see the Pacific Ocean. It wasn't the only reason he wanted to go there, but it was what he would tell her for now. She agreed since she had never been there either. They also agreed they would drive to St. Louis next. Jon's friend Pyp lived there. That was who he had been talking to at the rest stop. Sansa was excited because they could take Route 66 for their trip west.

"There's something so nostalgic and romantic about it. Don't you think?" she had sighed.

"I guess so," Jon had agreed, though he had never really thought about it, but he would agree to anything right now that would make her smile.

They also decided that for tonight they would use the late season warm front to their advantage. They planned to spend the night in the car at the local campground in order to save some money. After dinner they stopped at the local Wal-Mart. They bought food, toiletries, blankets and a couple of pillows and drove to the campground.

They parked the car and Sansa insisted Jon sleep in the back seat. She said it would be more comfortable and she had slept during the drive, so he had to more tired than she was anyways. He had agreed. Well, not so much agreed as relented after one attempted protest. He knew it was pointless to argue with her when she used that tone.

Before they settled in for the night though they spread one of the blankets on the hood and laid there together staring up at the sky.

"This reminds me of when your dad used to take us camping up north on Labor Day. Do you remember?" Jon said. They had stopped taking the trips when Robb and Jon had started playing varsity football because they had games that weekend.

"I do. I loved those trips. Though my mom loved them more. It was her one kid free weekend a year." Sansa smiled at the memory. Catelyn and Lyanna usually hung out that weekend, drinking wine and shopping. Sometimes they would invite Lysa. Her mother was always in the best mood when they returned. "The thing I remember most, besides making s'mores, was dad telling us all about the constellations."

They were quiet for a moment, both recalling the astronomy lessons Ned gave them every year. He would tell them the mythology that went along with each formation while they all laid in the open field at night. He heard Sansa choke back a sob and wipe her eyes. "I miss him. I miss them all."

"Hey," he began. She waved him off.

"You know what else I remember," she began, her voice wavering a bit. "I remember you and Robb helping Arya hide a snake in my sleeping bag on more than one occasion." She let out a laugh then and took a breath that seemed to stop the tears.

Jon laughed at the memory as well. "For the record most of those times it was more Robb than me."

They were quiet again. After several minutes Sansa spoke. "It's just such a clear night. I wish I had my good night lens right now."

"Do you ever think about finishing your degree?"

Sansa was quiet again. After a moment she pushed off the hood and walked to the edge of the campsite. Jon got up and followed her. He stood next to her looking out in the direction of the river. He could hear it but without a moon tonight it was too dark to see it.

"I'm sorry," he said after several minutes. "I didn't mean to bring up such a sore subject."

"It's not you. Do you know where I was when I got the call about them?" She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and saw him shake his head. "I was down at SACI visiting Margaery. I was trying to slip back into my old life. I was basically drunk when Robb called. Do you know why I was there?" He shook his head again. "I was there because I planned to go back in the spring. I was going to go back and finish."

"You still can."

"Can I? Because right now I feel like me being there somehow contributed to them dying."

Jon sucked in a breath due to shock. "How can you think that?"

"Because for the last several months I've just been wishing to be free of them. To get my own life back. To… I know it doesn't make any sense, not logically. But part of me feels guilty. Like somehow my wish….. I know in my head it's not my fault, but in my heart I feel like somehow it is." She wiped away a couple of tears.

Jon put his arm around her. "You feel what you feel, but truly this isn't your fault." He knew what it was to feel guilty for a parent's death. He also knew nothing anyone said could erase the pain or change your mind. So he said nothing more and just held her as they listened to the river. After a while Sansa said she felt cold, so they went back to the car and settled in for the night.

"Thanks for listening earlier," she whispered to him. "It helped to say it out loud."

"Anytime Sans, anytime. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Jon."


	3. Missouri

_Past_

_They hadn’t gotten any immediate answers at the hospital. Lyanna woke up in the ambulance and was alert by the time they reached the hospital. She swore nothing like this had ever happened before. The doctors promised they would know more once they ran all their tests. Lyanna refused, she argued they were unnecessary, that she was fine, just overworked. Jon had pleaded with her to allow them to do the tests. He knew she was likely worried about the cost, but she was stubborn and refused to be swayed. So after a night of observation she was released with a referral to a primary care physician that would decide on the additional tests and a course of treatment if needed._

_Jon took his mother home where she immediately insisted he return to school Sunday as planned. When he told her they could discuss it later she demanded he finish the semester. She told him it was not up for negotiation and furthermore she had not been working two jobs so he could take incompletes and risk his scholarship. Jon argued her care was more important. They went around in circles for hours. So when Catelyn called that evening to check in, Jon explained their impasse. Ever the loyal friend, and in an attempt to help, she insisted Lyanna stay with them for at least the next week. She said she had the time right now and would keep an eye on her, including going to her new doctor with her. His mother had hated the idea but she agreed because Jon proclaimed he would not leave if she was going to be in the house alone._

_The rest of the weekend passed without any further incidents. Jon took his mother to the Starks Sunday morning before he went back to school. Ned assured him he was doing the right thing and to do his best not to worry. He promised him that his mother would be well cared for. With a heavy heart he returned back to school to finish the semester. He felt blessed that at least Thanksgiving had been late this year and it would only be two weeks until he would be able to come back home._

_He passed his finals, though how he was still unsure; he had been unable to focus much on studying those last couple of weeks. As soon as his last final was over he had packed up and headed out. He arrived home Friday evening and found his mother sitting at the kitchen table. It was clear she’d been crying._

_“You’re early,” she observed quickly rubbing her face. “I thought you were bringing the train home tomorrow morning. Didn’t we discuss that I would pick you up then?”_

_“I grabbed a ride off the ride board instead of taking the train. I wanted to get here as soon as possible, maybe surprise you?” He had hoped to sound cheerful but failed. His mother’s pained expression told him there was little point anyways. “What’s going on? Why were you crying?” He sat down and looked at her with concern. His heart began pounding in fear._

_Lyanna cupped his cheek and let out a deep breath. “You’re a good man. I raised you right. I will always be proud of that.”_

_Jon put his hand over his mothers and then took it from his face and held it. “Mom, you need to tell me what’s going on.”_

_“It’s cancer Jon.”_

_Jon recoiled as if he had been burned. He got up from the table and began to pace. “What kind? Where?”_

_“They said it’s called a Glioblastoma, brain cancer.”_

_“I know what a Glioblastoma is,” he snapped. His mother gave him an apologetic look. It made him feel like shit. “I’m sorry. I meant, what stage? What’s the prognosis?”_

_She looked even more apologetic now. “Mom?” His voice was barely a whisper now._

_“It’s bad, late stage four. They were shocked I made it as far as I did without more symptoms. They said I probably have six to eight weeks.”_

_Jon felt like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water on him. He stood in the middle of the kitchen and stared at her for a long moment. He decided he would not accept this. “They’re wrong. We’ll get a second opinion,” he stated calmly as he moved to the side of the table opposite his mother._

_“I already did. This morning in fact. They said the same thing as the original doctor,” she informed him in a sad defeated voice._

_“Then we’ll get a third! You are not dying! I won’t allow it!” Jon cried and slammed his hands down on the table._

_Lyanna jumped and then rose from her chair. She came around the table and made him look at her. She cupped his face between her hands and looked up at him. “That’s not up to you.”_

_Jon wrenched his face from her hands and turned away and walked to the sink to fill a glass of water. He took a long drink and a moment to compose himself and then turned back to her. “What treatment did they offer?” he asked._

_Lyanna sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. She knew he would not like her answer and she hated that she was causing him such pain. She opened her eyes and regarded him sadly. “They didn’t,” she began. “It’s untreatable at this point. They will put me on hospice when I ask, but that’s all they can offer.”_

_“This is bullshit!” Jon yelled and flung the glass at the wall. It shattered and he went on over the sound. “They have to do something else. Is it because you don’t have decent insurance? Give me the number of the doctor. Give it to me!”_

_Lyanna crossed the room and grabbed his face between her hands again and pinned him with her gaze. “You have to calm down. You need to accept this. I can’t take care of us both this time. I’m going to need you to be the strong one, because I’m scared Jon.” Her voice trembled and she dropped her hands from his face. He tried to speak but nothing came out as she began to weep. Jon wrapped his arms around her as his own tears began to fall._

_They stood in the kitchen for a long time after that weeping together. Eventually they ceased but it had exhausted his mother. She told Jon she needed to lie down. He helped her up to bed. He couldn’t believe how weak she had become in just two weeks. He knew she wasn’t exaggerating when she said she only had a few weeks left._

_He waited for her to fall asleep, which had only taken a few minutes. He went downstairs after and cleaned up the broken glass. He felt on edge, he wanted to crawl out of his skin. He scribbled a quick note to Lyanna that he had gone out and a moment later he grabbed his mother’s car keys and headed for the Starks. He needed someone to talk to. He knew Robb was still at school. He won’t be back until Christmas Eve. His school ran a week later and he was spending the week after with his new girlfriend’s family. He knew he could talk to Ned or Catelyn though. They would understand, they would know what to do. And even if they didn’t it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he could not stay in his own home right now, not when his mother lay upstairs slowly dying._

_He stood on the Stark’s porch and rang the doorbell. No one answered immediately, in his desperation he began to knock and ring the bell repeatedly._

_A moment later the door flew open. “Jesus Christ! What in -,” Sansa began and stopped when she saw him. “Jon?”_

_“Is your….. Is Ne……. I’m sorry.” His voice crack and he started to cry._

_“Oh Jon,” she said gently and stepped barefoot out on to the icy cold porch and embraced him. He buried his face in her neck, his arms winding around her tightly. He clung to her like she was a tree and he was someone being swept up in a flash flood. And he was in a way, he was drowning in fear and grief._

_“I’m so sorry,” she murmured as she stroked his back._

_He wasn’t sure how long they stood there but he knew it was at least ten to fifteen minutes. Sansa never complained, she just held him and kept telling him she was sorry. He finally stopped crying and released her._

_“How’d you know?” he asked as he wiped his eyes. He felt embarrassed when he saw how soaked the shoulder of her sweatshirt was._

_“Your mom told my parents when she got the initial diagnosis. My mom went with her this morning to her appointment.”_

_“Oh.”_

_“No one else is home right now. Do you want to come in? I can make you some tea. Or maybe hot chocolate?”_

_“I don’t want to bother you….. I mean more than I have.”_

_“Its fine, you could never bother me anyways. Please come in.” She could see his hesitation. “You’d be doing me a favor. I’d like the company at least until I have feeling in my feet again. If I start to lose a toe I might need you to drive me to the ER.”_

_Jon let out a barking laugh. She hadn’t even said anything that particularly funny but his emotions were completely out of control at this point. He appreciated she was doing her best to put him at ease and take his mind off his terrible news._

_“Ok, but only as a favor to you,” he agreed and he followed her into the house._

 

xxxxx

 

Present

 

Sansa awoke to gentle sunlight. She could tell it was just after sunrise. She looked in the back seat and found it empty. She sat up and looked out the window and saw Jon standing on the edge of the camp site facing the river. In the daylight you could see it between the trees. It was wide and powerful, moving with a strong churning force. There were flecks of silver popping up where it reflected the sunlight between the shadows of the trees. It was beautiful.

 

She pulled out her camera and rolled the window down and began to snap away. She could only see roughly a quarter to a third of Jon’s face in profile but there was a haunting quality to it. She could tell he was thinking about something sad. She used the zoom and continued to click away. After a couple of minutes she carefully opened the car door and quietly got out. She moved slowly towards him and continued to take her shots. After a couple of minutes she stepped on a branch and he turned back and looked at her. She lowered the camera and met his eyes and felt herself flush a little.

 

“I hate when you do that,” he sighed as his shook his head slightly. He wasn’t mad, he had grown use to this over their time together. She loved un-posed shots, capturing people when they were unguarded and natural. It was one of the things that made her work so beautiful but it also lead to some embarrassing freeze frames now and then. He hoped their agreement still stood, that he had veto rights to any picture she took of him.

 

“I know. But you know how I love candids, and the light is beautiful right now.”

 

She came and stood beside him now and looked out at the river. “Did you sleep?” she asked.

 

“A little. Just a lot on my mind, couldn’t get it to turn off I guess. You?” he asked before she could ask him what was troubling him.

 

“Better than I expected. Maybe I should drive the first leg? You might be able to sleep some on the drive.”

 

“Alright.”

 

They stood quietly for a few moments and listened to the river. “Do you want to talk about anything?’ she finally asked him.

 

“Not right now, but I appreciate the offer.”

 

She nodded in response and after another minute they went back to the car and ate the granola bars and mini muffins they had purchased last night. They cleaned out all the trash from the car before packing their blankets and pillows in the trunk and setting out.

 

They drove in silence until the merged onto the interstate. “Can we go up the arch?” Sansa asked bringing their silence to an end.

 

“I don’t see why not. Could be fun.”

 

They were quiet again. Jon could see she was thinking about something. “What are you thinking?” he finally asked as she began to chew on her lower lip. It was something she always did when she was mulling something over or was trying to hold her tongue.

 

She stopped chewing on her lip and smiled. She liked that he could still read her so well. She like that they seemed to have fallen into such an easy rhythm so far. She knew it was false. She knew there were so many issues remaining unspoken between them, but she liked that without a discussion they had somehow mutually agreed to ignore them. She also knew she might be bringing that to an end.

 

“I was just wondering….. If I hadn’t come with you…. Would you still be doing this?” she finally asked.

 

“Going to the arch?”

 

“You know that’s not what I’m asking. The road trip. If I said no, would you have just gone alone?”

 

He knew what she was really asking was why they were doing this, but he wasn’t ready to discuss that just yet. He decided to deflect.

 

She glanced at him for a moment waiting on his answer. “Robb and I talked about taking a trip like this once,” he answered instead.

 

“Really? When?”

 

“The summer after high school. I mean it was just something we talked about, we both knew it would never happen. I needed to work all summer, but it was still fun to think about.” It actually was the truth. They had discussed it once, in the same conversation that they joked about backpacking through Europe. “Pyp’s excited to have us. I haven’t seen him in over a year I think,” he continued.

 

“He was always nice. But honestly I’m just excited for a chance to get clean.” It had been a couple days since her last shower and she was starting to worry she was beginning to smell. The AC in the car didn’t always counteract the sun that poured through the car windows and she found herself quite sweaty even now.

 

“Me too, though maybe we should wait to get our hopes up until we see his place.” They laughed at that. Pyp always had the dirtiest room when they had lived together.

 

They drove on and eventually Jon drifted off to sleep. Sansa kept the radio low and hummed along as she drove. She knew she should probably turn her phone on in St Louis and respond to the inevitable texts that would be waiting from Robb and Arya.

 

Jon murmured something in his sleep and she glanced at him. His expression was distressed but a moment later it relaxed and cleared. She had made a note that he had avoided directly answering her question about this road trip. She knew he still cared for her, but she wasn’t fooling herself into thinking this was all for her. Between the look in the diner yesterday and the one she saw on his face this morning she knew he was going through something as well, she just wasn’t sure what.

 

She had spent a good part of the last year trying to sort through her feelings for him. She had come to the conclusion that the end of their relationship had been a failure on both of their parts. Jon had become distant after Catelyn’s cancer diagnosis and that had upset her, made her resent him sometimes. It was a resentment that had come out in passive aggressive jabs, words she could never take back. She also knew it hadn’t helped that she had gone home the summer after her sophomore year promising to return in the fall, only to end up staying there without really discussing it with him. He never said it directly but to her it was clear that he felt abandoned by her. After that he had shut down on her, he stopped trying to be there for her; he had just let her go. She had resented that as well. She had wanted his understanding, his patience, she’d only gotten his hurt and indifference.

 

He mumbled her name now in his sleep, drawing her attention back to the moment. She stole a glance at him and felt her heart flutter as he breathed her name again. She didn’t chastise herself for liking how it made her feel. You couldn’t love someone nearly your whole life and then just turn it off. She sighed, she had hoped once she was back at school and they were in the same city again that they might have tried to find their way back to each other, to work through all the things that had driven them apart. But now she felt there was little hope of that. He was clear he was never going to return to live in their hometown. And if she was being honest, at the end of this trip she would likely return home and care for Bran, it just seemed inevitable.

 

‘Why do things have to be so hard?’ she thought as she sighed again and turned the radio up a little louder. She glanced at his sleeping form one more time and wished things could just be different.


	4. St Louis, MO Part 1

_Past_

_Jon deferred his spring semester. There was no way he could go back to school when his mother had so little time left. He would stay with her till the end and then wrap things up before heading back in the fall. And he had to go back, she had made him promise that he would get his degree no matter what. She warned him she would haunt him if necessary. He swore he won't defy her dying wish._

_He got a part time job plowing driveways. It was a perfect fit since he was done early in the morning and then could drive his mother to her appointments. In exchange for his promise to go back to school he had made her agree to at least try treatment. Surgery was out of the question but the doctors had agreed to let her try a round of chemo. She hated it and it seemed to make her sicker and weaker than the tumor._

_A month into the treatments the tests showed it was doing little to the tumor and Lyanna had begged him to let her stop. She did not want to spend her final weeks sleeping and vomiting. Jon had agreed even though it had broke his heart to finally accept there was no hope for a miracle._

_Robb had come by and hung out with him when he had been home, but he had gone back to school the week after New Year's. During those same weeks Catelyn had come by frequently and would visit with Lyanna, but with the kids back in school and many of her charities kicking off the new year she had trouble finding the time. Without them Jon now felt overwhelmed and isolated._

_Sansa however ended up being the answer to his prayers. Initially she had just come to bring food that Catelyn had cooked for them. But after the first couple of times it was if she sensed his need and she asked if she could stay and eat with them. Within days she started to bring over movies they could all watch together. Soon after that it was books that she had read. Lyanna would read them as well and they would discuss them on Thursday nights. Eventually Lyanna grew too tired for reading so Sansa began to read the books to her. Jon couldn't believe the love and patience she showed his mother._

_Her presence allowed Jon to take a break mentally, it also allowed him to get out of the house to run errands. Initially those errands had been grocery shopping and filling medications. Towards the end they were to see a lawyer and the funeral director about making final arrangements._

_As the end got closer and Lyanna began to sleep more and more, he and Sansa spent more and more time alone. She was the one person he could breakdown in front of, to voice his fears about what would happen once his mother was laid to rest._

_It was February now. They had given Lyanna six to eight weeks. They were about to enter week eight. They had held off as long as possible, but hospice care would be starting Monday._

_Sansa came into the kitchen. She had been reading to his mother who he assumed had fallen asleep. "I'm going to have to sell the house," he sighed as he opened yet another bill for the unsuccessful medical care his mother had received. His mother owned the house outright, which was the only silver lining here._

_"Really? Isn't insurance helping?"_

_"Not really." He didn't want to tell her that his mother hadn't really had much in the way of health insurance. The plan offered by her crummy full time job barely covered anything, especially since it was the beginning of the year and their deductible had renewed. He had applied to get her on Medicaid but she likely would be dead before the paper work was processed._

_"So what are you going to do?"_

_"Sell the house so I can bury her and pay her debts and then be homeless."_

_"Jon….."_

_"She's broke Sansa. She was sending me all the cash. She took out several credit cards and was paying the minimums just to get by. All so I could go to Northwestern. And for what? To become a doctor that can't do shit? To be like the ones that won't do anything for her?"_

_"That's not necessarily true. What if you are the doctor that figures out the cure?"_

_Jon looked at her and felt insulted by her naïve assertion. Sometimes he forgot she was only seventeen. He suddenly felt irrationally pissed off. What seventeen-year-old liked to spend her Friday nights reading to her brother's friend's mom while she died of cancer?_

_"Why are you here? Why do you keep coming here?" he said suddenly._

_"I -,"_

_"You should stop coming here."_

_"What? Why? Jon, what did I do?"_

_"Nothing, you did nothing. Just like everyone else. Why did no one notice how tired she was? Did she tell your mom about the headaches? She'd been having them for over a year." Sansa tried to answer him, but he cut her off. "Even if she had I'm sure it was dismissed. Poor people problems right? Too stupid and poor to seek medical care. I suppose you think she deserves what is happening to her!"_

_"Stop it! Stop it!" Sansa screamed at him and began to cry. "This isn't my fault! This isn't your fault either!"_

_She stood before him sobbing. God he was such an asshole. He got up from the table and tried to embrace her. She pushed him away at first, but he persisted and finally got his arms around her._

_"I'm sorry. Fuck, I'm so sorry. This has nothing to do with you. I'm such a dick," he told her, pleading with her to forgive him._

_After a couple of minutes she stopped crying and he released her. She looked at him as she wiped her eyes. "I know you're angry Jon, but you can't turn on the people that care about you. The people that are trying to help."_

_"I know. I'm sorry," he said. He felt about two inches tall right now. His mother would be appalled with him. His face burned with shame. He turned to the sink to get a glass of water just so he didn't have to meet her gaze for a moment._

_He drank the water slowly and looked out the window into the dark backyard. He could kick himself. He needed her help and he had ruined everything._

_"Jon?" she asked softly._

_He set the glass down slowly and turned back to her. He cringed waiting for the blow to come. He knew she was about to tell him it was probably best she stayed away for a while. She was waiting for him to look at her and when he did she finally spoke. "I have plans tomorrow, but is it ok if I come back Sunday afternoon?"_

xxxxx

Present

"Well you're lucky this time," Sansa commented at she leaned closer to the window and continued to snap photos of the St Louis skyline.

"How's that you figure?" Jon asked perplexed.

"The windows are too small to make you pose," she teased as she moved to the other side to photograph the river.

He laughed softly in response. The view from the top of the arch was amazing. He was glad neither of them were claustrophobic or they would have never been able to survive the tram ride up here.

When Sansa had had her fill of it they made their way back down and proceeded to Pyp's apartment. He lived in one of the suburbs west of the city in a one-bedroom apartment. He even had a balcony. It over looked a parking lot, but since Jon had actually anticipated a dirty studio it all seemed rather pleasant.

Pyp had greeted them downstairs and showed them up. He remembered Sansa and offered his sympathy for her recent tragedy. He told them he had deep cleaned especially for them. They all laughed over that. Then things had gotten awkward.

"So I figured I'll sleep on the couch and you two can take the bed," he offered.

"Oh, um… we're not back together," Jon replied at the same time Sansa had answered, "That's very kind of you."

"Oh, I mean, no thanks," Sansa said as she flushed with embarrassment.

"No, it's fine," Jon said trying to smooth it over. He didn't mind sharing the bed with her but he hadn't wanted to presume she would be ok with it.

"I could sleep on the couch and you two could take the bed," she offered.

Pyp laughed to break the tension. "Actually, I snore horribly."

"It's true," Jon confirmed. "Do you remember when Grenn shoved tampons up your nose to try and make you stop?"

"Yeah and I woke up choking, thinking a spider or something was up there because of the strings. My screaming woke up the whole floor."

"I did always wonder where he'd gotten those from," Jon laughed.

They started to laugh harder remembering the incident and Pyp's sad attempt to fight Grenn. It broke the tension and Sansa relaxed. In the end they agreed she and Jon would share the bed while Pyp took the couch.

While Jon showered, Sansa excused herself to the patio to check her phone. She had several text from both Robb and Arya. Arya reiterated that she was leaving and she hoped Sansa would do the right thing. Sansa sighed, Arya could be so selfish sometimes. Though she wondered if she was being too harsh, her sister had done what she could when Catelyn first got sick. It was less than Sansa, but she'd tried at least.

Robb was pleading with her to call, he claimed he was going to call the cops soon if he didn't hear from her. She took a deep breath and dialed her brother. He answered on the second ring.

"Are you really ok?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Where are you? I'll come get you."

"No you won't. I'm not ready to come home yet. How's Bran?"

"How's Bran?! Are you serious right now?"

"I'm almost always serious Robb, that's half the problem. And yes, I want to know how he is doing."

"Why did you run away? How could you just take off like that? What with everything going on. You just ran away in the middle of their funeral."

The pleasantries were clearly over. Now that he knew she was ok she could tell he was allowing himself to be furious.

"I have a pregnant wife, a brother in the hospital and two sisters that have just fled the state. This is completely unfair."

"You're right. It is unfair. It was also unfair that I basically quit school and took care of mom this pass year. You got to finish school, you got to get married, to have your life. What do I have Robb? Do you expect me to care for Bran as well?"

"Here we go, Sansa the martyr. You choose to quit school, none of us asked you to do that."

Sansa scoffed coldly at that. He was right, no one had expressly asked. But Robb had on numerous occasions after their mother got sick, made a point of telling her everything that their father had told him in confidence. How hard things were getting for him, how stressed he was and how depressed Catelyn seemed. He told Robb he was starting to have his own health concerns from the stress. And if that hadn't been awful enough, Robb had made a point of always sighing heavily and commenting how they all should do more. Though the conversations always ended with him complaining about the stresses of wedding planning and law school. Initially Sansa had been sympathetic, defended him to Arya even. But in the last several months she had started to realize her brother had essentially emotionally manipulated her.

"Not this time," she muttered under her breath before quickly asking, "So are you going to tell me about Bran or not?" Now was not the time to have it out with him.

"He's stable, still in the coma."

"Please make sure you keep me updated."

"When are you coming home?"

"I don't know."

There was a long pause and Sansa wondered if he might have hung up. She looked at the phone to confirm it was still connected. "Are you planning to come home?" Robb finally asked.

"I don't know," Sansa whispered. She knew she likely would, but for now she didn't want to commit to anything.

"Ok Sansa, ok," Robb sighed. He sounded resigned, as if he was giving up on her. "Just tell me that you are safe. Are you with someone safe? You aren't doing this alone are you?"

She was surprised he didn't know she was with Jon, she had assumed he knew. "I'm fine. I'll be safe."

"Alright. I guess your decision is made then," Robb said.

"I love you." Robb scoffed softly. "I know you're mad, and that's fine. But I need to do this," she finished.

"What is 'this' exactly Sansa?"

At that moment Jon opened the patio door and stepped out onto the patio. She looked at him and held a finger to her lips.

"I don't know yet," she responded. She knew she was answering that question for herself just as much as for Robb. "But I'll call you again when I figure it out."

"Sansa -,"

"Bye Robb."

She ended the call and looked at Jon. She felt overwhelmed and confused about so many things now.

"So…." he drawled out.

"Everything's fine," she lied.

"You sure?"

She gave him a nod and then moved passed him into the house. She went into the bathroom and turned the shower on and sat on the edge of the tub. As the tears began to fall she prayed the sound of the water would drown out her sobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So somehow I wrote Robb as an asshat in this, which is not the norm for me. But I guess that is who his character wants to be for this story, at least for now..... #sorrynotsorry


	5. St Louis, MO Part 2

_Past_

_Lyanna had been on hospice for a week and it had become painfully clear that the end was drawing near. In Jon’s approximation she likely only had a few days left. She slept most of the time, a side effect of the morphine. When she was awake she was confused or suffered terrible headaches. Her motor skills were essentially gone and she could barely swallow._

_He had taken leave from work. He had asked Sansa to stop coming. He said he would prefer to care for her himself these last few days. That was true, but he had also wanted to spare Sansa the pain of these final days. In his estimation seventeen was still too young to see such tragedy. She had agreed but told him to let her know if he changed his mind or needed anything at all._

_Saturday morning Lyanna seemed to have burst of energy and clarity. Jon knew it meant that the end was close. He had studied this phenomena in school and held no delusions that a miracle was occurring. He also knew this would be his last opportunity to ask his mother about the one subject that always seemed to divide them._

_They had just finished discussing the final funeral arrangements. Lyanna was clear about her desire to be cremated and her ashes to be spread over Lake Michigan. She had told him it was her way to be with him whether he was home or in Chicago. He didn’t tell her that he would be putting the house on the market, that this won’t be home anymore. She had made him promise yet again that he would return to school and finish his degree. He had promised and earned a rare happy smile from her._

_“I want to ask you something,” Jon began. Lyanna’s smile faded and she sighed. She knew where the conversation was headed. She honestly had been surprised he had waited this long. “I want to talk about my father,” Jon pressed on._

_“Sweetheart,” Lyanna replied taking his hand._

_“I know. I know you’ve always told me it didn’t matter because I was your son first and foremost, but I also know this is my last chance to ask. It’s also your last chance to tell me.”_

_“I need you to trust me on this.”_

_“So I’ll just never know. Is that what you are saying?”_

_“I love you more than anything. You have been my whole life. Everything I have ever done was to protect you. Maybe I should’ve let you make your own decisions on some things. Maybe I still will. But for now, please just trust me.”_

_Jon felt himself growing frustrated. He was almost twenty one years old and yet he had no idea who his father was. Lyanna refused to disclose or discuss it. In his younger years he had been less understanding. Once in fourth grade when another boy had told him he was a bastard he had gone home and asked his mother what that meant. She answered, which had prompted him to ask if she even knew who his father was. She had refused to answer and changed the subject. When he was fourteen he had once, in a rage, told her she must not know and had called her a whore. It was the only time she’d ever raised a hand to him. She had fled the room after, sobbing. That had been the last time he had pushed for an answer. But now he was out of time._

_“I do trust you. But you need to trust me. Whatever it is you’re protecting me from, I can handle it.”_

_“Oh my son, I wish there was a way to know if that was true. But I fear telling you, knowing I won’t be here to help you through it.”_

_“Mom,” Jon said. His voice cracked and he felt tears clawing at his eyes._

_“Let me think about it ok? I’m feeling tired right now, but maybe tomorrow,” Lyanna sighed signaling the end of their conversation. Jon knew it was pointless to continue to push her today. She had held the secret for over twenty years. It appeared even death might not sway her._

_“Alright mom. Get some rest. Ring the bell if you need me.” He rose from the chair next to her bed and kissed her forehead. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too Jon.” He turned to go but she suddenly grabbed his hand as he started to move away. “One day you may come to understand why I did what I did. For that I’m sorry.”_

_Her words filled the room with an ominous energy. Jon wanted to ask her so many things now but he held his tongue as he watched her eyes drift shut. Her hand relaxed and released his. He left the room mulling over her words. He didn’t know it at the time, but those would be his mother’s final words to him._

_xxxxxxxx_

_There was no tomorrow. Lyanna passed away in her sleep that night. It was a cold Sunday in late February. He found her when he went to help her with her morning pain meds. He had expected it on some level, but it had still ripped him in two._

_He sat on the edge of the bed and cried for a while. When he was finished, he called the funeral home to come pick up the body. He called Ned and Catelyn to let them know as well. They offered to handle a majority of the personal notifications for him, which he was grateful for. He contacted the paper to run the obituary. He was thankful that all the arrangements had been made prior so he knew exactly what to do. He completed the final steps on auto pilot and they were done quicker than anticipated. With nothing left to do he used the rest of the day to drink himself into an oblivion._

_xxxxxxx_

_Monday afternoon Sansa came by. She arrived carrying a large flat box which had confused Jon._

_“What do you have there?” he asked when he opened the door._

_Sansa looked serious and gave him a sorrow filled expression. “It’s something I thought you should have. I thought you might like it for her service.”_

_He looked at her and waited for her to go on. “Maybe I could come in?”_

_“Oh, sorry,” he said moving aside. It seemed between the hangover and the grief he had lost most of his manners in the last thirty-six hours._

_Sansa entered and balanced the box on the coffee table. He moved closer to her. She swallowed and removed a framed picture from the box and turned it so he could see it._

_The photo took his breath away. He actually staggered back and sat down hard on the couch. It was a photograph of Lyanna. He wasn’t sure how long ago it had been taken. The photo was shot over his shoulder, he could see his back in the lower corner of the frame. He was shocked at how his mother looked, she was radiant and healthy. He had almost forgotten that she had once looked like that. In the photo they were walking along the pier at the lake. The sun was setting in the background. The coloring and the lighting were magnificent. But that wasn’t the thing that had knocked the wind out of him. What had taken his breath away was the image of his mother. In the photo Lyanna was ahead of him, but she had partially turned back. Her hair was caught in the wind and her hand was waving him towards her. With the sunlight in the background she looked almost like an angel trying to usher him towards heaven._

_“It’s beautiful,” he whispered as the tears started to fall. “When did you take this?”_

_“The summer after you and Robb graduated. On Fourth of July.”_

_Had his mother really looked that good just a couple of years ago? How had he missed her deterioration? He started to sob and buried his face in his hands, his dark curls covering his face. He didn’t look up when he felt Sansa sit next to him. Eventually she took his hands from his face and held them in her lap._

_“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to make it worse.”_

_Jon forced himself to stop crying and looked at her. “You didn’t. It’s – It’s an amazing picture Sansa. She would’ve loved it.”_

_“I think so too. I wish I had been able to show it to her. It was the strangest thing. I actually just found the roll of film last week. I was cleaning out my dark room and came across it in the back of one of the drawers. It was almost like it was fate.”_

_“Thank you. It’s amazing.”_

_They sat for the longest moment staring at each other and holding hands. Jon reached up and smoothed her hair back behind her right ear and then kissed her forehead. “Thank you for everything. You saved me these last few weeks.”_

_Sansa shook her head and wiped away a couple of tears. “I’m sorry she’s gone. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more.”_

_“You did more than you know. Just you being here gave me, I mean us, so much strength. You’ll never know how much that meant.”_

xxxxxxxx

Present

Sansa had felt better after her breakdown in the shower. Sometimes you just need a good cry she reasoned.

They went out for dinner at a nearby BBQ restaurant. One did not come to St Louis and not eat the ribs. At least that was what Pyp had told them. They had a good time reminiscing over dinner, and the ribs had been amazing. Pyp reminded Jon that Tormund was now living in Oklahoma City. He suggested they stop and see him since they would be passing right through there.

“I had nearly forgotten. Though in my defense he swore he would never live in another large city after he left Chicago,” Jon said.

“Well I’m not sure how you’d forget him finding the love of his life,” Pyp laughed.

“Why is that funny?” Sansa asked.

“Because she doesn’t exactly share his vision of their future,” Jon answered. Then he wondered if that was still correct. He realized then he had become very distant from all his friends in the last year. He wanted to blame his job but he knew that wasn’t the only reason.

“Exactly, but he’s still hopeful. He was never one to take the hint,” Pyp said.

“Tormund’s perseverance is the stuff of legend,” Jon added. Pyp gave him a look, shook his head and laughed. “Ok, maybe it’s more his ability to ignore reality and facts….”

“His birthday is coming up. He’s probably having a big party. Good timing on your part I suppose,” Pyp said.

“That guy and his birthdays” This time it was Jon that laughed as he shook his head. They had met Tormund their freshman year when he had been a junior. Tormund had been their RA. He had a themed birthday party every year. In addition, anytime they went out to a restaurant that offered free dessert he claimed it was his birthday. He never cared if it meant the rest of the table had to suffer the embarrassment of singing waiters. And he had no shame if he had to pretend he forgot his wallet if they requested he show ID.

They walked back from the restaurant and settled in for the night. Pyp was working the late shift tomorrow so they stayed up for a while playing cards and drinking beers. Sansa was the first to go to bed. She claimed she was exhausted, but Jon suspected she was trying to be nice and give the two men some time to themselves.

Pyp suggested they go out onto the patio to drink for a bit. They took the kitchen chairs with them and sat drinking their beers and watching the parking lot. They were silent for a while but Jon knew Pyp was working up the nerve to ask him what was going on. He’d want to know why he was here. More specifically why he was here with Sansa.

“So…..” Pyp said tentatively.

“So,” Jon echoed. He wasn’t planning to explain more than he had to.

“So…..”

“Yeah, we covered that,” Jon laughed and took a long drink of his beer.

“So, Sansa? Does this mean you two are getting back together?”

“No. It’s not like that. Her family just suffered a terrible tragedy. I know what that feels like. I just knew she could use a friend so I asked her to go. Sitting around her house wasn’t going to help.”

“So this whole trip is for her benefit?”

“Not the whole trip. I mean, I have my own stuff going on.”

“Yeah, Sam told me.” Jon looked at him in disbelief. “I called him yesterday after I talked to you. I just wanted to know what was up. I mean I’ve told you to come visit a hundred times in the last year and you always declined because of work….. I just wanted a heads up in case….”

“In case what? I was on the lam or something?”

“Whatever man. I just wanted to be prepared.”

That was fair, especially given how Jon had been four years ago. He hadn’t exactly been in the best head space when he had returned to school the fall after his mother died. Pyp, Grenn and Sam had been forced the first few weeks to keep him out of drunken brawls. Sam had forced him to seek counseling. He went to enough sessions to stop fighting, and then he had found Sansa in that club and she had saved him once more.

Pyp finished his beer and then said he would be right back with a couple more. He went inside and then came back with two more bottles. He sat back down and handed one to Jon. “Do you want to talk about any of it? I know how important the Starks were to you, how important that job was to you. Just seems like a lot of change in a short time,” Pyp asked.

“Not really. I’ll be fine, losing them sucks. Like really sucks, but I’ve survived it before.” Pyp grimaced. “And as far as the job, well it’s for the best anyways. Honestly, I hated working for Thorne.”

“But you fought really hard for that job. It seemed like that was your life, or at least one of the most important things in it. I was shocked to hear you just quit.”

Jon finished his beer and opened the new one. “I always thought, well hoped, it was something that would give me a chance to make a difference for people like my mom. But it was never going to happen. Really it was all about making money for the shareholders, they didn’t care about people. I should’ve gotten out of there a long time ago.”

“You’re so fucking deep sometimes Snow.” Jon gave a small laugh in response. It was true, he did have a tendency to stew and brood far more than any of his friends.

They sat for a few moments in silence before Pyp spoke again. “So seriously though, what is going on with you and Sansa?”

xxxxxx

Sansa could hear them murmuring out on the patio. She was certain she had heard her name and it had taken everything in her not to open the window and attempt to eavesdrop. She turned on Pyp’s fan to drown out their voices and her curiosity.

She must’ve drifted off because the next thing she knew Jon was trying to slide quietly into his side of the bed. He failed miserably as he knocked over several items on the nightstand and cursed. Once he got in the bed he lay on his side, so she rolled over to face him. She could smell the beer on his breath. She could tell by the glazed over look in his eyes he might have had one too many.

“So I’ll be doing the driving tomorrow I see,” she teased softly.

He reached his hand out and cupped her cheek. “You are so beautiful. Do you know that? Sometimes it hurts to look at you.”

Sansa suppressed a smile and bit her lower lip. “Fucking Pyp,” he went on. “For a little guy he can hold his booze.”

“It’s your fault for trying to match him drink for drink.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he repeated, carded his hand through her hair.

“Thank you.”

“Thank me? Thank you. You saved me yet again. I am in your debt as always my lady.”

Sansa laughed softly. “So tell me. What is it I’ve saved you from exactly?”

“Being a coward……….. Thank you for coming with me………..” Jon’s voice was becoming heavy with sleep.

“Coward?” she asked, confusion clear in her voice.

The only response she received was a gentle snore. She sighed and turned over so her back was to him. A moment later he murmured something, but she couldn’t understand it. The next thing she knew he was snaking an arm around her, pulling her close. She knew she shouldn’t feel as happy as she did in that moment, but it was comforting and familiar and felt right. It was everything she needed right now. So despite herself, she settled back against him and let sleep overtake her.

 


	6. Joplin, MO

_Past_

_Since Lyanna had wanted to be cremated, Jon scheduled the memorial service for the following Saturday afternoon. Doing so allowed more of Lyanna’s coworkers to attend. Jon initially had hoped to spread his mother’s ashes in the lake at sunset the same day, but the funeral home director pointed out that it had been an unseasonably cold late winter and the ice near the shore was still heavy. As a result he decided that that step would have to wait until the spring thaw._

_The Starks had been his rock the past week. Catelyn had made him come to dinner on Tuesday and Wednesday. Sansa had checked on him after school Thursday and Friday. Together they had taken charge of the reception that was to follow the short service. Unfortunately, a late season snow storm had slammed the East Coast. This meant that Robb, who was away at school, and Ned and Arya who were in Washington DC for the week for Arya’s school trip were unable to fly back in time for the service. Each had separately called him the morning of the funeral to apologize and offer their sympathies and apologies yet again._

_The service had been nice given what he could afford. Sansa’s photograph was front and center next to the urn. It added an elegant personal touch to the otherwise sterile beige room with its sparse fake flowers. Jon spent a majority of the service staring at the photo. The Starks in attendance had sat in the front row with him. He sat between Catelyn and Sansa, a place that he knew Robb likely would have occupied had he been there. But Robb wasn’t there, and Jon found solace in his family anyways._

_The feeling didn’t last though. When he stood to give his short eulogy, he felt exposed and alone. He scanned the crowd looking for comfort among his mother’s friends and acquaintances. He had recognized most of them except for a taller man that stood near the back of the room. He had the lightest hair Jon had ever seen, an odd silver white, and yet from his vantage point the man didn’t seem terribly old. His eyes were piercing, even from a distance, a strange shade of blue. Their eyes met for the briefest moment and for some reason Jon felt like he knew him. The feeling made him uncomfortable, and so he looked away from him as he began to speak. He spoke of his mother’s life, of her love and loyalty to him and her friends. He kept it brief so he won’t risk crying uncontrollably in front of so many people. When he finished he had scanned the room again and noticed then that the man was gone._

_When the service ended everyone went back to the Snows for the small reception. Catelyn and Sansa oversaw the food and refreshments. Jon had been instructed to simply make himself available to the guests. People talked to him at length, giving him hugs and condolences. He eventually grew numb, and the faces started to blur together as his mind began to check out. In fact, he probably won’t have remembered to eat if Catelyn hadn’t sent Bran out to him with a plate._

_People continued to linger and give him sad looks. Eventually he could no longer bear it and he poured himself a glass of whiskey. After a couple more glasses he just wanted to tell them all to go. He didn’t want to be the center of their pity and he had started to think about everything he needed to do. He needed to clean, not just from the reception but everything. He needed to get the house on the market. He needed to start moving forward. He needed to be done with this. He moved to the front of the living room with the intent of calling everyone’s attention but then his mother’s voice entered his head and reminded him to mind his manners. So he bit his tongue and waited, and had another glass of whiskey._

_Less than an hour later people finally started to leave. Eventually it was just him and the Starks. Jon sat on the couch in a lingering whiskey haze while Sansa and Catelyn began to clean around him. Rickon and Bran were in the living room as well, both restless and tired from being in their best clothes and on their best behavior all day. It didn’t take long for them to start to bicker and picking at each other. The bickering quickly escalated into a wrestling match on the floor, which resulted in them crashing into the coffee table and breaking the vase of flowers on top. It was a vase Catelyn and Lyanna had purchased during one of their Labor Day weekend shopping trips. Catelyn had been horrified and started yelling at them. The yelling quickly turned into tears. Bran then began to yell at Rickon for making their mother cry. At that Rickon started to wail as well. Overwhelmed, Jon yelled for everyone to stop yelling and crying. This only made Rickon cry harder. In frustration he threw his hands up and stormed out the back door._

_The cold air smacked him in the face and seemed to wipe out the last of his buzz. He stood out at the far edge of the yard freezing and angry for several minutes. He felt bad for yelling at them, he knew they were only here to help him, but it had just been too much. He just needed a moment to collect himself and then he would go apologize. A couple minutes later he heard a car start in the driveway and his heart stopped._

_“Shit,” he sighed and hurried back towards the house. He felt like an ass for running off the only form of family that he had left._

_When he entered the kitchen though he found Sansa at the sink washing dishes. “I thought you all left,” he said feeling relief flood through him at the sight of her. It amazed him that she always seemed to know what he needed. It was even more amazing that sometimes she knew it before he even did._

_“I told mom to take the boys home. I said I would stay and help you clean up.”_

_“You didn’t need to do that.”_

_“It’s fine. I wanted to. Besides, maybe you shouldn’t be alone just yet.”_

_They looked at each other for a moment and then Jon gave her a small nod and went in the other room. He took off his suit coat and then started to gather the rest of the dishes and trash. Sansa asked if she could turn on the radio and he told her it was fine. Soft folksy music filled the house as they continued to clean up. When they finished Sansa made them each a plate of leftovers and they sat at the table to eat._

_“So what are you going to do now?” she asked between bites of turkey roll up._

_“Clean out the house. Put it on the market. Once it’s sold I’ll pay the remaining bills and then head back to Chicago. I promised mom I would finish school.”_

_“Are you still planning to be a doctor?”_

_Jon hadn’t much thought about it. Did he still want that? Then he realized he might not be able to afford it. The money that would be left over from the house when combined with his scholarship would likely only be enough to get him through two more years._

_“I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to think about it.”_

_“What if the house sells quickly? Where will you stay?”_

_“One of my roommates is from Gary. He said I can come crash at his parents’ place for the summer. His dad runs a construction crew, so I’ll have work as well.”_

_Sansa fell quiet then, there was a sense of sadness coming off her now. She finished her food without another question and then busied herself clearing their plates. She rinsed them and loaded them in the dishwasher and then turned to him._

_“I suppose I should be going,” she said softly._

_Now that it was quiet, Jon realized he didn’t actually want to be alone in the house. He had been alone a lot this week and had filled the void every night before bed by drinking everything in the liquor cabinet. He didn’t want to do that for yet another night._

_“Do you have to?” he ventured softly. “Maybe we could watch a movie or something?”_

_“No, I can stay if you want.” She gave him a soft look that was full of understanding._

_Jon gave her a small nod. He told her he wanted to go upstairs and change out of his suit pants. He came back down with a t-shirt and a pair of pajama pants for her in case she wanted to change out of her dress. She had taken the clothes and gone in the bathroom and changed. Jon felt himself relax now that it was just them and all the funeral things had been handled._

_They settled in on the couch and began to search for a movie. Sansa suggested “Planes, Trains and Automobiles.” Neither of them had seen it and it looked like a comedy so Sansa assumed it would be a safe pick. And initially it was. They watched and laughed and got more and more comfortable on the couch. Scooching and slouching until their shoulders had been touching. They eventually were leaning on each other. At some point Jon’s arm crept around her and Sansa had rested her head on his shoulder. He relished the feel of her against him. It was comforting having someone so close after feeling so alone for days._

_But by the end of the movie it was no longer funny. When it was revealed that Del’s wife was actually dead and he was alone, Jon had started to sob. Sansa turned the movie off and held him. He wound around her much like he had the night he had learned Lyanna’s diagnosis. He sobbed into her shoulder and his hands wound into her hair and into the t-shirt she was wearing._

_She did her best to soothe him. She rubbed his back and ran her hands through his hair. She told him that it would be ok, that he still had people that loved and cared about him. She swore to him that he would not end up alone._

_After a few minutes he finally stopped crying and pulled back from her slowly. He looked into her blue eyes. There was concern there, but there was also something warm and welcoming. A blue sea of comfort waiting to engulf him. He wasn’t sure at the time why he did it. Admittedly he was hurt, alone and scared, he wanted to feel connected to someone, but it was more than that. She calmed him, she made him feel safe and cared for. He leaned forward and kissed her. It was hard and deep. He had never kissed anyone the way he was kissing her. He needed her. She had been the only thing that had kept him sane and tethered to some sort of normalcy as everything had fallen apart. She had been the life preserver that had been thrown to him just as the waves threatened to pull him under one last time. He was clinging to her now in just such a way._

_To his shock, and then his pleasure, he realized she was kissing him back with a nearly matched intensity. After a few moments they broke apart and stared at each other, chests heaving. He couldn’t believe he had done such thing. She was Robb’s little sister. She was his friend, she had never offered to be more than that. He studied her face, her eyes were wide, but her expression was unreadable. He wasn’t sure what that meant._

_He felt himself begin to panic. “Sansa, fuck. I’m sorry,” he said running his hand into his hair and tugged at it as he looked away from her._

_“It’s ok,” she said as her expression softened. She pulled his hand from his hair and held it. She placed her other hand on his cheek and made him look at her. She used her thumb to wipe away the single tear that had escaped his eye. “It’s ok.” This time when she said it she seemed to be granting him permission for something. This time she took the lead. She leaned in and kissed him. It was softer than the first kiss. This one felt like that moment you rubbed aloe on a bad sun burn, overwhelming relief. Jon couldn’t help but sigh into her mouth._

_He used his free hand to pull her closer and she released his other hand as she swung into his lap. He sat on the couch with her straddling his lap. He almost couldn’t breathe. She pulled back then and kissed his cheeks and wiped more tears from his face, tears he didn’t even know he been crying. Suddenly anything that wasn’t her faded from his mind. His hands found their way under her t-shirt and he stroked the soft flesh of her back and sides. She whimpered as he touched her._

_She was inexperienced at this. She had only had one real boyfriend in her life. A senior when she was a junior. Stupid selfish Harry who had tried to push her into sleeping with him on prom night last spring. She had turned him down and he had ditched her at the house party where she barely knew anyone. Jon didn’t know it, but Sansa had called Lyanna to pick her up. She had been drinking a little bit and had been too embarrassed to call her own parents. Lyanna had been more than understanding and had offered her words of encouragement when she had started to cry on the drive home._

_“You don’t need a boy like that. And don’t ever settle for one. You’ll find the right one someday. When you do you’ll know it because he will need you as much as you need him. That’s important because that way he won’t treat you like you’re an option.” Lyanna’s words whispered in her ear now. Sansa missed her as well. It had been unfair her life had ended so tragically._

_She was drawn back into the moment as she felt Jon tugging her shirt upwards and she raised her arms to help him. In return she helped him off with his and he pulled her against him. He wanted to feel her skin on him. He craved her warmth, the feeling she was alive. They kept kissing. After a couple minutes Sansa reached back and took off her bra. She was nervous, not because of what she was doing, but because she had no idea how to do it. In fact, no man had ever seen her this exposed._

_Jon sucked in a breath at the sight of her exposed breasts and moved his hands up to caress them. Sansa sighed. He moved his head and kissed one breast, lingering over her nipple and then made his way up her long neck and then down to the other nipple. Sansa shivered as she felt her body respond to his attention. Next he wrapped his arms around her and moved them so they were laying on the couch. He hovered over her as they kissed. He had stopped thinking the moment she had told him it was ok and had kissed him. Now he ran on some base instinct. He just wanted to be near her, feel her. His hand found its way into her pajama bottoms and he touched her. He took a sharp breath when he felt how wet she was. She arched and mewed when he touched her and kissed him harder. Her hands went to his pants and pulled the draw string and shoved at them. He did the same to her and soon thereafter they were completely naked, pressed together on the couch._

_Sansa’s heart was hammering. She could scarcely believe this was about to happen. Though the situation wasn’t ideal, she was glad it was going to be him. He was truly the only boy she had ever dreamed of, the first boy who had ever stirred something in her. And though she’d always been too shy to say anything, she had been falling in love him since she was fourteen. She wondered for a moment if this was just another dream, but then she felt his grip tighten on her hip, his fingers digging into her flesh in the most delicious and desperate way. She knew then it was real. He devoured her gasp as his hand slid down and pushed her knee outward so he could settle properly between her thighs. She felt him, hot and throbbing against her and despite all her desire for him, she tensed._

_Jon didn’t seem to notice. During the time they were kissing and undressing each other he had never stop to consider this might be Sansa’s first time. His mind had been too clouded with grief and need to consider a rational thought. Sansa was kissing him hard, arching into him and seemed just as desperate for the contact as he was. So he had startled in shock when she cried out in pain as he swiftly pushed inside her. The noise made him freeze._

_“Sansa, I –“ He made a move to pull away._

_“Don’t!” she ordered. He stopped. “It’ll be ok, just give me a minute,” she breathed between gritted teeth. Jon saw a tear escape the corner of her eye._

_He felt terrible, but the damage was done. He held still and kissed her softly and carded his hand in her hair to try and take her mind off the pain. That seemed to relax her some and after a couple minutes she told him he could move. He tried to be gentle and soft now. Moving slowly and kissing her sweetly until she was completely relaxed and sighing into his mouth once more._

_When she was more comfortable he had shifted so he was angled against her in just the right way. She deserved to feel good after what he had done to her, he owed her that.  It didn’t take long before she tensed beneath him and let out a long breathy moan, his name jumbled within. He increased his cadence after that, continuing to move within her until he was at the edge. He pulled out then and spilled across her stomach._

_He held himself above her, their foreheads pressed together as they tried to calm their heavy breathing. He wanted to tell her she should have stopped him, or at least said this was her first time. He wanted to apologize for what he had just done. But he also didn’t want her to think he was angry. And honestly, he wasn’t sure he was sorry, or that he regretted it. In fact, the more he thought about it the more he was certain he didn’t. She had become his friend in these last few weeks, his best friend in fact, but there was also more to it than that. Her presence calmed him. She was sometimes the only reason he smiled all day. He missed her when she was gone too long. He could only wonder what that meant. But looking down at her now he told himself he needed to push those thoughts away for the moment. Now was not the time for his confused thoughts and feelings, now he needed to focus on her._

_He kissed her again and then drew back and handed her his shirt. She used it to wipe off her stomach and then sat up. He handed her the other shirt and she pulled it on. He rose and pulled his pants back on and sat down, drawing her next to him._

_“I’m sorry I wasn’t gentle enough,” he said pushing her hair off her shoulder as she nestled her head on his. “I never meant to hurt you.” From the corner of his eye he saw her face go nearly as red as her hair. He felt her body tense as well. “Don’t be embarrassed.”_

_“I’m not,” she protested. In reality she was. She was mortified she had cried out like she had, but she didn’t want to tell him that. “I just didn’t expect it to…… actually can we not discuss it, please?”_

_“Of course,” he agreed. He felt her relax and he let out a breath as well._

_Her phone rang then. He picked it up off the end table and handed it to her. It was her mother. Jon felt himself flush, as if Cat could somehow sense what he had just done to her little girl. Sansa moved away from him and answered it._

_After a minute she turned towards him. “My mom wants to know if she should come back and get me or if you can give me a ride home.”_

_“I’ll take you home,” he agreed. It was the least he could do. He watched her finish her conversation with her mother. She seemed different now, older or more mature somehow, and more confident. Her hair was a mess, her make up smeared a bit. His t shirt barely covered her long legs. She had never been more beautiful. He felt his heart stutter as she ended the call and looked at him. She was biting her lip and had a look of amused guilt. Jon just smiled at her. He realized in that moment that the confused feeling he felt earlier was very possibly love._

 

xxxxxx

 

Present

 

They woke up on opposite sides of the bed. Jon had always been a fitful sleeper when he drank too much. He asked if he had snored and apologized when she said he had. He seemed to have no recollection of their late-night conversation or of wrapping himself around her for half the night. She decided not to bring it up. They had breakfast with Pyp and hit a local bookstore so Sansa could buy as many Route 66 guidebooks as her heart desired, and then they hit the road.

 

Sansa drove first since Jon was still nursing a slight hangover. He stayed slunk low in the passenger’s seat, wearing dark sunglasses and much to his dismay, a St Louis Cardinals hat, pulled low over his eyes. They hadn’t even gone twenty miles before she heard an occasional snore over the radio.

 

She kept driving west, passing through areas of woods and small towns. She had never been to Missouri before, but the landscape reminded her of home, of the places they had gone in the summer in the north of the state when they were young. She started to play the alphabet game with herself. She recalled how she and her siblings had played it, I Spy and Twenty Questions in endless rounds on every road trip. As young children they had loved such games, but as they got older and got their own lives they had started to play on their phones and tablets. After one such trip, when they had all ignored their father’s attempts to engage them in conversation, Ned set a hard rule that they were not allowed to play with their phones or tablets on road trips or while camping. They had attempted to protest but he would not be swayed. He told them it was good for them to unplug, that it would strengthen their minds and their bonds. It was true, she typically learned more about what was going on with her siblings in one two hour road trip then she might in a normal month at home.

 

Even after the regular road trips had stopped Ned continued to use twenty questions on his children almost every night at dinner. But the game had changed from figuring out if he was thinking of a person, place or thing, to figuring out what his children were up to.

 

She and Arya had also continued to play the game when they wanted to know something the other did not want to share. They had made an agreement that either of them could evoke the game, but the questions could not be open ended. The questioner had twenty questions in which to figure out the other’s issue or they had to let it go. They had made use of it quite a bit in high school. It was the reason Arya was the only person that knew why Sansa never went on a second date with Joffrey; it was the reason Sansa knew Arya had started a secret fight club the summer of her sophomore year. Thankfully, the club had died out quickly when Arya got tired of easily beating all the boys.

 

Her phone vibrated in the console, pulling her from the memories of her father and her siblings. She had turned it back on when they had left St. Louis, admittedly because she knew it would do little good to hide in a radio blackout forever. Plus she wanted to be available in case there was an update on Bran. She picked up the phone and saw that it was Arya calling. She glanced at Jon who seemed to still be deep asleep, so she answered.

 

“Hey,” she said quietly.

 

“Finally. So, you haven’t been kidnapped I see.”

 

“No.”

 

“Robb says you are being unreasonable. That you won’t tell him where you are and who you’re with.”

 

She sighed. “Buckle up,” she muttered to herself under her breath. She began to mentally prepare herself for the Stark Double Team that she was sure to follow. “Robb doesn’t all of a sudden get to pretend he’s dad.”

 

“Hey, we’re not in disagreement on that.” They were both quiet for a few moments. Arya broke the peace first. “There’s a lot of noise. Are you driving?” Arya asked.

 

“As a matter of fact, I am. And I should probably focus on the road, so say what you need to.”

 

“Is this some Thelma and Louise thing with Margaery? Are you going to Mexico?” Arya sounded almost excited.

 

Sansa let out a loud laugh and Jon stirred. “No, I’m not going to Mexico. And I’m not planning to drive of any cliffs either.”

 

“But you’re with Margaery at least?”

 

“No.”

 

“Sansa, are you alright? I mean this is just so unlike you….. I know this sucks, but…. whenever things are hard you’re the one….. well, it’s just you don’t act like this, ever.” Arya actually sounded concern.

 

“Do you remember all the games dad had us play on road trips?”

 

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with what’s happening now?”

 

“Nothing I guess.”

 

“Do you want to play twenty questions? Is that it?”

 

“No…….. Well, maybe a little. I guess I was just thinking how dad used it so well to make us talk, how we use to use it too.”

 

“Yeah…… So I guess I should be the one to ask the questions. What happened?”

 

“That’s not how you ask the questions, you know that,” Sansa chastised her.

 

“Did you runaway?”

 

“Yes, I suppose I did.”

 

“Are you safe?”

 

She glanced at Jon. “Yes.”

 

“Did you have a psychotic break?”

 

“No, like I said I’m not going to drive off a cliff or anything.”

 

“Why’d you go?”

 

It was an open ended question and against the rules but Sansa answered anyways. “I just needed to get out of there. It was like I couldn’t breathe anymore.  I just didn’t want to stay there and promise I would take care of Bran, among other things.”

 

Arya was quiet.

 

“Try not to judge me ok? I’ve done a lot for this family already,” Sansa went on.

 

“I’m not judging you,” Arya snapped. “I’m judging me,” she added quietly.

 

“What?” Sansa pulled the phone back to confirm it was Arya she was speaking to.

 

“I had some time to think on the flight back here and I realized I never thanked you for staying home to take care of mom. I think we all just assumed you would do it because you’re Sansa and that’s what you do, what you’ve always done. But when you took off and Robb suggested I not go back to Belgium, well I suddenly realized how unfair it was to ask someone to just give up their life. And you did that for mom and you never once complained.”

 

Sansa was speechless. This was the exact opposite of what she expected from Arya. She had expected snide comments or perhaps even yelling, but never this.

 

“Wow…… I mean, thanks.”

 

“Anyways, Bran is still in the hospital. And even when he wakes up he is going to have to spend time in a rehab hospital. It’s not like he’s coming home tomorrow or even in a month……… We have plenty of time to figure all this out. We all just need to calm down, especially Robb.”

 

“I’ve never heard you be so mature. I have to say I like it.”

 

“Try not to get to use to it,” Arya warned.

 

“So where does this leave things?”

 

“I’m not totally sure. All I know is I want you to be safe and happy. You out of all of us probably deserve some time to yourself. We all need to grieve right now, then we can figure out where we go next. And if this is how you need to do the grieving part, well then I support you.” 

 

“Thank you Arya.”

 

“You’re welcome. Now, back to the game. Where are you headed?”

 

“West.”

 

Arya groaned. “You know the rules. That’s a fair answer,” Sansa laughed.

 

“Fine. Who are you with?”

 

“Pass.”

 

“Wait! Pass? Did you run off with a boy? A secret boy?”

 

“Oh no, I just hit a construction zone, I should get off the phone. Goodbye Arya.”

 

“Oh my god it is! It’s like The Graduate! You –“

 

“No it’s not! Not even close, no one fled a wedding.”

 

“Wedding, funeral, whatever. And you have to answer, you can’t double pass.”

 

“Sorry, I’m hanging up now,” Sansa laughed. “Talk soon!”

 

Sansa disconnected the call before Arya could ask further questions and smiled to herself. Jon stirred and sat up as she set the phone back in the console.

 

“Who was that? Everything alright?” he yawned.

 

“Everything is great,” she said with a smile. “For the first time in a long time, everything is great.”

 

xxxxxx

 

They stopped at several “tourist traps,” as Jon declared them, as they rolled west. Sansa’s favorite of the day was the Stonehenge outside Rolla. They ate a very late lunch in Springfield, Missouri and discussed if they should stay there for the night or not. Sansa consulted the guidebook and informed him they were only an hour from Carthage, which happened to possess a massive drive in theater. She loved vintage things and she seemed so excited at the prospect that Jon couldn’t turn her down.

 

The drove the hour to Carthage. It was still a few hours till showtime, so to pass the time they explored the Civil War battlefield and made a stop at the Precious Moments Chapel. They were too late to be admitted to the chapel itself, but Sansa enjoyed taking pictures of the gardens and the fountains. She even seemed happy to take a few selfies with Jon and the chubby faced cherubs.

 

They stopped by a Goodwill on the way to the theater and purchased a couple of battered camping chairs to sit in at the movie. They made their way to the theater shortly before showtime. As they waited in the car to pay they realized they hadn’t even picked out which movie to see.

 

“We’re next. What should we see?” Sansa asked.

 

“I don’t know. I didn’t look at the listings. You pick.”

 

For some reason the night of Lyanna’s funeral crept into Sansa’s mind. She flushed at the memory and realized she did not want to be responsible for their choice of movie this time.

 

“I don’t know. Let’s just have the ticket guy pick for us.”

 

“Alright,” Jon agreed.

 

The ticket seller sold them tickets for “The Mountain Between Us,” namely because it was the newest main stream release. They parked the car and then went to buy concessions. They made their way back to the car and set up their chairs just as the movie was beginning. They had initially put some distance between the chairs but when it had gotten colder, and they decided to share the blankets, they had moved closer together. By the end Sansa was leaning into him sleepily. But really, how could she watch a movie about people surviving such terrible tragedy and finding their way back to each other, and not feel a pull towards him?

 

The movie ended, and it seemed to have gotten to both of them. They said little as they packed the car. Sansa kept sneaking glances at him but if he wanted to say something he didn’t. Instead he asked where she wanted to sleep tonight. His question made something in her chest clench. She wanted to tell him in his arms again, but she knew that wasn’t what he was asking. Instead, she consulted the map. It was only thirty minutes to Joplin, so she suggested they would find a cheap motel there to sleep in for the night. As they drove Jon told her that he wondered if they’d be able to make it to Oklahoma City tomorrow night.

 

“It’s possible. It’s only about four hours of driving,” she offered up.

 

“Yeah but that’s only if we make no stops. And you seem to be in love with your tourist traps.”

 

“Ok, the camera in Rolla was lame, but the world’s largest rocking chair? Where else can you see that? You just seem hard to impress,” she teased.

 

Jon gave a one syllable laugh and rolled his eyes. “Well in the name of saving time we could always skip the stop in Commerce tomorrow,” Sansa responded.

 

“And miss Mickey Mantle’s house? I think not. Some places are worth the stop,” Jon said.

 

“Uh huh,” Sansa laughed in triumph.

 

They checked into a run-down cheap motel on the north edge of Joplin. Jon insisted he take the bed closest to the door in case someone tried to break in. Sansa told him she felt safer when they slept in the campground. Jon promised her they would be safe till morning. It was after midnight and he did not feel like driving around for a better motel.

 

They wished each other good night and turned off the lights. Sansa lay awake listening to the cars go by on the nearby freeway. She thought about her conversation with Arya. She had told Arya she wasn’t planning to drive off any cliffs. But as she lay in the dark listening to Jon breathe in the bed next to hers she wondered if she hadn’t already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly I am not a great "smut writer," so sorry if that scene was a let down to anyone. I like the sexy times as much as anyone, but I always want the sex scenes to match the overall tone of the story, so they end up more muted.
> 
> Also, we're starting to get into the actual road trip action now. The places that are referenced on the road trip (this chapter and going forward) are all real. (For this chapter the drive in might be operating outside of it's normal business season but let's just go with it.) I have spent a fair amount of time mapping this out so that the drive times and distances are pretty realistic. (I'm sure Google maps wonders what I'm up to.) Anyways, if you wonder about any of these places or want a visual feel free to look them up. As always, thanks for reading!


	7. Tulsa, OK

_Past_

_Jon had awoken the day after his mother's funeral thinking of nothing but Sansa and what had happened between them last night. He felt guilty thinking he might have hurt her, but he didn't regret the act. At least, he didn't as long as she didn't. She had seemed alright with it when he had dropped her off at home last night. They had even exchanged a chaste kiss goodbye, but he worried that after a night to think about it, she might wake up this morning thinking differently of the whole thing._

_He tried to play it cool, he didn't want to appear clingy or overwhelm her. However the need to know her thoughts got the better of him and by mid-morning he found himself calling her. She answered promptly as is she had been waiting for his call. He felt a sense of relief and was glad he decided to call earlier rather than later._

_"Hi," she said a little breathlessly._

_"Hey," he responded._

_"So, how are you?" they both tried to ask at the same time and then they laughed._

_"Ladies first," Jon said._

_"I slept well. I feel pretty good today." She knew he felt rather remorseful about the way he had entered her last night, that he was scared he'd hurt her. She wasn't hurt but she was a bit tender today, however she wasn't about to tell him that. "And you?"_

_"I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. Just thinking about all the cleaning I need to do to get this place ready for the sale."_

_"Do you want any help?"_

_"Maybe, though are you sure you want to be around me still?"_

_"Of course I still want to be around you. Why would you ask that?" He didn't respond but she read into his silence. "Are you worried because of what happened last night?"_

_"Sansa, I feel -,"_

_"Please don't apologize Jon." She said this more for her own benefit than his. She didn't regret what they had done, and she didn't want to hear him say he did. She held no delusion that they would run off and get married or that he might be in love her. Besides, once he sold the house he was going to Gary for the summer and then back to Northwestern. She was still waiting to hear back on her college applications. She wanted to spend some more time with him, but she didn't want it to be awkward or because he thought he had to. "It was a rough day and we found comfort in each other, there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't have to change our friendship."_

_"You're right," he agreed and felt his heart crack just a little. "You're sure you're ok?" he asked again._

_"I am, I promise. Now, do you want help with the house or not?"_

_"Well I don't think I'm in a position to turn down free help."_

_"Who said I was free? I expect to at least be fed and I get dibs on anything that you plan to throw out."_

_"Alright, deal." He couldn't believe how lucky he was. How sweet and amazing she was. Actually, she was beyond amazing; it made him love her just a little more._

_"I'll be over around two, if that works?"_

_"I'll see you then."_

_They hung up and Jon let out a long-held breath. He was relieved that he had not destroyed everything with her in one stupid act, but it still hurt that she hadn't felt the same thing he had. He reminded himself he was lucky to still have her as a friend and to make sure not to do anything that stupid again._

_Sansa texted Myranda once she had gotten off the call. "Do you have any Plan B? Asking for a friend"_

_"What?! Also bullshit, what 'friend'"_

_"I can't tell you. Do you have it or not"_

_"Spill"_

_"Nothing to spill. It's not for me"_

_"*eyeroll* Ok Sans. I do. When can you come get it"_

_"My friend thanks you. On my way now"_

_She wasn't about to take any risks. She had big plans for her life and they did not include living at home as a teenage mother, even if she had spent her early teen years dreaming of having Jon Snow's curly headed babies. She allowed herself a moment to picture a child they might share in the distance future and then laughed at the thought. "Cart way before the horse," she told herself, "You're just friends." She knew for now she needed to keep building her friendship with him. Perhaps though, she thought, that friendship one day could turn into something more. But for now she needed to be happy with what she had._

_xxxxxxxx_

_Sansa and Jon spent the next couple of weeks cleaning and prepping his house to ready it for the sale. They had managed to keep things both friendly and platonic. Though there were the occasional awkward goodbye hugs when one or the other might linger a little too long. And on one occasion Sansa swore he had wanted to kiss her but he hadn't, she had felt disappointed but said nothing._

_Jon had been disappointed as well. He had on more than one occasion wanted to confess his feelings. But each time he held himself back. He reminded himself that he shouldn't be trying to start a relationship with her right now. He was still grieving his mother and soon he would depart for Gary and then school. She was still settling on college. He didn't want to do anything that might sway her decisions or interfere with her future._

_The house sold at the end of April and he packed up to head for Gary. The night before he was leaving he and Sansa had one final night together in the house. They had eaten pizza in the kitchen and had moved into the living room where they packed the final boxes that Sansa had agreed to drop off to Goodwill for him. They came back inside after loading the last of the boxes in Sansa's trunk._

_"I suppose it was a relief to find a buyer that wanted to buy most of the furniture," she sighed looking around the living room. Jon dismissed it as a trick of his mind that her eyes seemed to be lingering over the couch._

_"Yeah, between that and the yard sale last week everything is pretty much wrapped up."_

_"I guess you'll have to stay with friends now if you ever come visit."_

_"Yeah, I guess so."_

_There was something in his voice that gave Sansa pause. "You do plan to come visit at some point, don't you?"_

_"What?" He was caught off guard by the comment. He knew he would come visit but he hadn't really considered the logistic. "I mean, of course. I have too many friends here to never come back." He noticed his answer did not completely remove the apprehension from her face._

_"So," he started so he could change the subject, "did you finalize the college decision yet? I feel like you are stringing me along so I never leave town."_

_"I settled on Michigan," she sighed._

_"You don't seem happy. Most people are thrilled when they get in there."_

_"It's not that. It's a great school, I just had been hoping to get in somewhere that had a top tier photography program. You know if I'm at Michigan my parents will eventually try to direct me towards a more suitable degree." She didn't want to tell him she was actually wait listed for School of Art Institute of Chicago, which was her top choice. But the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was trying to follow him. She had put her application in last fall, long before they had become close friends, but she still worried he would think she had done it for him._

_"Well I think you should still be excited. And honestly, you're so talented, I'm sure your parents see that and support you."_

_"I hope so. And they are supportive, they built me the dark room in the basement after all. But I also think they are still parents and they worry one day I'll be a starving artist. You know how parents are." Sansa cringed at her choice of words. Jon was essentially an orphan now, how could she just forget that?_

_"Yeah, I do. Even when they are gone, you still have promises to keep to them." Sansa relaxed when she realized her words had not upset him._

_"I guess I should get going," she said. Jon swore she had glanced at the couch again. Perhaps it was just wishful thinking on his part._

_"Thank you for everything. I honestly would not have survived these last few months without you. I hope you know how much this has meant to me."_

_"It was my pleasure. I'm sorry it took something so awful for us to really get to know each other. But I really liked getting to spend time with you. I guess I see now why Robb always kept you to himself. You're a great friend Jon." She hated calling him her friend, she wanted to be so much more than his friend._

_"We'll stay in touch. I promise."_

_"You better mean that."_

_They were quiet now. The silence was awkward. They had spent so much time together these last few months and now they had no idea when they would see each other next._

_"Well… I should walk you out," Jon said breaking the silence._

_"Yeah, sure," she agreed. She stepped close to him and they embraced. "Have a safe trip."_

_They pulled back but only far enough to look each other in the eyes. He knew what he wanted from her right now. He hated himself just a little that he was about to be selfish, but he also knew that wasn't going to stop him. "I'm leaving tomorrow. I don't know when I'll be back." His voice was low and husky, his words a whispered warning._

_"It's ok." She said the same words she had said their first time together. She wanted him to know that it really was ok. She knew he was going but she wanted him one last time all the same._

_Their mouths crashed together and they started clawing at each other's clothes. All the tensions they had been denying for weeks came pouring out. They were naked within a matter of moments and careening towards the couch._

_Jon was sitting on the couch and Sansa straddled his lap. She had finally told Myranda she had done it, but she refused to disclose with who. Myranda had been frustrated by her secrecy, but she had still given her some helpful tips for next time, because there's always a next time, Myranda had assured her._

_"Wait," Jon moaned against her lips as she rubbed against his._

_Sansa pulled back and looked almost hurt. Did he not want this? The thing twitching against her thigh told her he did, but could she be wrong?_

_He kissed her confused pout and laughed softly. "I need to get a condom is all."_

_"Oh, right." Sansa flushed. How could she have almost forgotten a second time? She swung off him so he could get up. He padded out of the room and came back quickly._

_"Ok, I'm ready." He pulled her back into his lap and kissed her hard, trying to recapture the heat they had just a moment ago._

_"Are you sure?" she murmured teasingly against his lips as she slid down on him._

_He hissed in response and kissed her harder. He shouldn't be doing this. He was leaving, he'd never even taken her on a proper date. And yet he somehow wanted to seal her to him. He wanted her to always think of him in some way. He wanted to tell her he loved her, but he knew that would be wrong and unfair to both of them. So instead he would just have to settle for this stolen moment._

_She was different this time, more confident and self-assured and it was driving him wild. The way she touched herself as he moved within her. The way her head was thrown back so he could access her neck. He couldn't get enough of it. Once she found her peak, he flipped them down on the couch so he could be in control. She had moaned his name loudly as he held her hands over her head and drove himself into her._

_He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't want to be gentle either. He wanted her to remember this. To remember him and how he made her feel. He wanted her to feel like he possessed her in some way. He knew it was wrong, and yet he didn't care. If he was being honest, there was a dark part of him that had grown proud of the fact that he had been her first. It was a comfort to him to know he would always have that even if he wouldn't have her._

_He held her there, driving himself into her at a feverish pace. His hips snapped against her, rapid and deep, and he drew another orgasm from her. He released her hands after that. She ran her hands into his hair and tugged his head back so he had to look her in the eyes. Moments after their eyes locked he found his release. He shuttered and collapsed into her shoulder and laid there until he caught his breath. He drew back and kissed the tip of her nose before rolling off her. She groaned as he did. There had been something so comforting about having his weight pressing down on her._

_He left the room to clean up and she suddenly felt exposed. She wondered if he had seen how much she loved him in those final moments when she had made him look at her. She cursed herself for being so foolish. He had made it clear after all that this was nothing more than good-bye, he had reminded her he was leaving and she had pounced on him anyways._

_She was mostly dressed when he came back in the room. Jon wondered if she might be upset at how carried away he had gotten. He pulled on his boxers and t shirt and then turned to her. "I didn't hurt you did I?"_

_She shook her head and smiled at him. "You could never hurt me Jon."_

xxxxxxx

Present

They were only going to make it to Tulsa today. For some reason Sansa seemed determined to see nearly everything on the route. Jon had only cared about the Mickey Mantle house in Commerce. But Sansa had begged him to stop at several locations. She told him she was just trying to take advantage of the wonderful photo ops. Jon didn't understand how that included the world's largest concrete totem pole and a giant cement blue whale, but he hadn't argued. And he had to concede that the haunted mansion in Claremore had been fascinating. Though maybe his interest in the place was more due to the fact that he had managed to scare Sansa several times. This had resulted in her shrieking, laughing and then playfully striking him. It felt good to see her smile and know he was the cause of it. After all, he knew the pain at the opposite end of the spectrum. It hadn't been that long ago that he'd been the source of her tears.

She knew Jon was humoring her. She also knew she was dragging her feet to stretch this leg of the trip out as long as she could. She had wanted another night alone with him. She knew when they got to Oklahoma City she would have to share him with Tormund. She wasn't sure what she wanted to achieve with this one additional night, but she wanted it all the same.

They made it into Tulsa around dinner time. They found their way to Ike's Chili House. Sansa had picked it because they had once been on the Martha Stewart Show, per the guidebook. She also like that it had been opened for more than a hundred years and was still in the same family. The place was very low key, which Jon liked because living out of a duffle bag didn't exactly afford one clothes for a high-class establishment.

After dinner they checked into yet another cheap motel. This time though they would have to share a bed. Jon had apologized but Sansa said it was no bother. Secretly, she had been thrilled. But then she started to feel guilty. He was paying for most of the trip, hell he'd bought a car for them, and they could've had a free room tonight if she had let them get to Oklahoma City. Jon had quit his job after all, how long could this go on? He didn't seemed concerned but she was.

They lay in bed now watching tv and her concern got the better of her. "I have a question," she said softly. She could hear the nerves in her voice. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous to ask him about it, perhaps it was that her mother had always told her you didn't discuss money in polite company. He turned down the tv and looked at her. He seemed tense and on guard now. "Never mind," she said after seeing his expression.

"No, you can't do that. Come on, what is it?"

"I've been thinking….. Can you afford to keep paying for this trip? I know we stay in cheap motels and all but…" she said after a few more moments of hesitation. Jon's expression remained neutral, but she noticed his eyes darkened. It was something that happened when he was either angry or aroused, and she doubted he was aroused.

"I can, don't worry about it."

"But you don't…."

"I saved up a lot of money when I was working for Thorne." It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the complete truth either. Yes, he had saved money while working for Thorne. It was easy to save money when you only worked and had no social life to speak of. And the money he had spent, outside of the car, had been all his own. He still wasn't sure if he planned to keep the "hush money," as he thought of it, anyways. He figured if he decided not to then he would just sell the car and pay back the difference. But he didn't want to tell her about all that yet. Not when they were only half way to their destination.

He saw the concern on her face. She didn't really believe him. "I promise. It's totally fine. I won't have asked you to come if I couldn't afford it."

"I just feel bad that you are paying for so much of it. Are you sure I can't help out with more of it?"

"Don't feel bad, seriously, don't. Anyways, you being here is payment enough for me." She gave him a pointed look, she did not seem amused by his attempt at flattery. "Think of it like…" He searched for an analogy that might set her at ease. "Well, some people send flowers after people die, or they make a donation. I just decided to use my grief money to abscond with the grieving daughter."

That drew a sardonic smile from Sansa, but she seemed to accept his explanation. "Ok, fine then. But seriously, if you want me to pay for more you just let me know," she relented and turned back towards the tv.

Jon looked at her profile and exhaled as he turned the tv back up. He was glad she had let it go. He knew he'd need to tell her everything in the next fifteen hundred miles, but for tonight he told himself he still had fifteen hundred more miles in which to tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, the angst is overwhelming :-/
> 
> Also sorry the current timeline didn't get as much play this chapter, it'll balance out though since a vast majority of the next chapter is set in the current timeline.


	8. Oklahoma City, OK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to start naming the chapters. They are named for the locations in the present timeline. I thought that might be a nice way to track their progress west. This is a long one. Hope you enjoy!

_Past_

_"To senior year," Sam said. Jon coughed and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I mean – oh – and to junior – um…." Sam flushed as he stumbled over his words._

_Jon just started to laugh. Sam always made it far too easy to mess with him. "It's alright Sam. How about just – here's to fall semester."_

_"Yes, right. To fall semester," Sam repeated. Pyp, Grenn, Sam and Jon clinked their beers together. It was the weekend before classes started and they had gone out to celebrate their reunion for one final year. The rest of the guys were on track to graduate in the spring. Jon was behind a semester, and he originally had hoped he might be able to make up some ground this fall. Between the money left over from the sale of the house and what he had made working with Grenn over the summer, he could scale back on his part time job. He had planned to use the extra time to squeeze in a couple more classes. But when he had been reunited with the guys last week and realized this was their last hurrah, he had decided he would just keep the normal class load and actually try to enjoy this year. Besides, with his major change, those extra classes won't help him graduate any sooner, so he might as well have some fun._

_He had decided over the summer that he would change his degree to healthcare management. Staying in school to get his medical degree was just not economically feasible. However, the healthcare degree would allow him to get a job at a hospital or an insurance company where he might be able to make a difference for people like his mother, people who suffered from inadequate insurance and care. He told himself that his mother would support that decision._

_He and Sansa had drifted apart over the summer. Initially they had done well calling and texting. But he had gotten busy with work, picking up all the extra hours he could in order to get the overtime pay. He regretted he hadn't tried harder, but he also knew it was for the best. She was about to start school and would soon be meeting all new people and having new experiences. He didn't want to stand in the way of that. He knew he was doing the right thing for her, but most days it didn't make him miss her any less._

_Sansa for her part also felt guilty for not making more of an effort. But after Jon left she had gotten busy catching up with the friends she had mostly ignored while she had been helping the Snows. Then came prom and graduation, followed by open house season and spending time with her friends before they all headed off to separate schools in the fall. She still thought of Jon often, but he was far away, and he clearly didn't feel the same way she did. She had told herself it would be a waste to spend her final summer with her friends pining for him._

_She had spent the early weeks of the summer preparing to go to Michigan and then she had received a call from SACI. There was a slot open if she wanted it. She immediately accepted. She was over the moon and one of her first thoughts was that she wanted to call and tell Jon. But then she remembered that they hadn't spoken in weeks. She had never even mentioned SACI to him before and she worried he might think she was just doing this to reconnect with him. She decided not to tell him._

_She arrived in Chicago the week before classes. Her parents were supportive, but they had been nervous to leave her in such a large city. Luckily her roommate, Margaery Tyrell, helped put them at ease. Margaery was from Atlanta. A sweet southern girl who was planning to study fashion design. Her parents had liked her instantly. Margaery assured them that she was used to life in a big city and would watch over Sansa. Her parents had left confident their daughter was in good hands._

_They shouldn't have been so easily fooled. Margaery was a hellcat. She had Sansa a fake ID by the first weekend and Sansa suffered her first ever hangover before she had even attended her first class. Margaery wasn't all party girl though. She was serious about her classes and getting her career going. She wanted to one day have her own fashion line and live in New York._

_Margaery felt like her exact opposite in so many ways. She was confident and poised. Men drooled over her and her sweet southern accent, it was one of the reasons they never had to pay for drinks when they went out. But they were also alike in many ways. Margaery's family was important to her, especially her "Granny O." Overall, she was sweet and caring, and she had listened to, and been supportive of Sansa when she had complained about being homesick their first month there. She couldn't have hoped for a better roommate, and the semester had gone well._

_The weekend before finals several of the girls on the floor had decided to go dancing at one of the local clubs. This was their last weekend together before they would be headed home for winter break and they wanted to celebrate the end of the semester. Margaery had insisted on dressing Sansa. It was one of her favorite things to do, because Sansa had the perfect body to frame the clothes, at least according Margaery. Sometimes Sansa loved the results, other times she wondered why she allowed her roommate to do such things to her. Tonight was one of the latter. As they walked to the club Sansa couldn't stop complaining about how cold she was._

_"I feel like you dressed me for Atlanta and forgot we are in Chicago," Sansa grumbled._

_"Would you stop it already. We are only going a few blocks. Anyways, you look fucking amazing. Sometimes you have to suffer to look that good."_

_"Other than hookers, who stalks around Chicago, in December, in a silver mini skirt and a red halter top, with no coat?" she whined._

_Margaery responded as she rolled her eyes, "That is what the knee high black boots are for. They balance it out and keep you warm. And anyways after a few drinks you'll feel all warm from the inside."_

_"I hate you sometimes."_

_"You do not. Try to relax. Maybe tonight we finally pop your cherry."_

_"I told you…."_

_"Yeah, yeah, I know, you and Jonny boy…. So your Chicago cherry then."_

_Sansa opened her mouth, but Margaery cut her off with a laugh. "I know, you hate me."_

_Once they were in the club it wasn't so bad. It was actually quite warm in there from all the gyrating bodies. And Margaery was right, after a few of drinks she warmed right up. She was still somewhat of a light weight, despite her roommate's best efforts these last few months._

_They danced for a while, packed in tightly among all the other people on the dance floor. Sansa started to feel hot, sweat trailing down her neck. She made a move to leave but Margaery begged her not too. She was trying to catch the attention of a good looking guy that had been nearby watching them. Margaery ground against Sansa and smiled at the man. He finally took the bait and sidled up against Margaery. Up close he looked like he could've played for the Chicago Bears. And he seemed intent on trying to get them both to grind up against him, but Sansa had no interest. Evading his third attempt to pull her against him, Sansa yelled over the music she was going to go get another drink. Margaery had just smiled and waved her off._

_Sansa made her way to the bar. She always found it impossible to get service in places like this. She was still far too polite to shove her way up to the bar. So she waited patiently for someone to leave. Finally, it looked like a space towards the end of the bar was going to open up. She made her way forward just as the dark-haired man at the bar turned to leave. But he stopped suddenly, and she half tripped and was half pushed into him._

_He had a beer bottle in each hand and he pressed them against her in an attempt to keep her from falling. When she looked at his face she knew it wasn't the chill of the bottles that sent the chills down her body. No, it had everything to do with the grey eyes she found herself looking into._

_"Jon?"_

_"Sansa?!"_

xxxxx

Present

They made it in to Oklahoma City by late afternoon. She had only made them stop in Arcadia, so they could see the round barn and to eat lunch at Pops. She was pretty sure her stomachache was directly tied to the amount of soda she had consumed. She was starting to regret the decision, but then when would there be another opportunity to pick from seven hundred beverage options?

They made their way north of the city towards Tormund's. Sansa had never met him, he had graduated before she had been in Chicago, but all of Jon's roommates had told plenty stories about him. His personality always sounded larger than life.

"Are you sure this is where the GPS said to go?" Jon asked skeptically. They seemed to be in a rather ritzy suburb. This did not feel like somewhere Tormund would be living.

"I'm sure. The address is the one you gave me. Don't question my copilot skills please," Sansa teased.

Jon smiled but he still felt unconvinced. There was no way that crazy Alaskan ginger was living among all these McMansions. They pulled up to the gate of the house with the address they were given and rang the intercom.

"Hello." It was Tormund's voice alright.

"Hey wild man, it's Jon."

There was a buzz and the gates opened and Jon drove up the driveway. They got out of the car just as Tormund came down the walkway. He grabbed Jon in a bear hug and gave a loud laugh in greeting.

"Is this really your house?" Jon asked when he released him.

"You bet your ass. That engineering degree paid better than I planned. The oil company loves me," Tormund confirmed. He raised an eyebrow at Jon's expression. "What? Damn, you think I have the real family tied up in the shed out back, don't you? I know this will hurt your pretty head, but I don't care to impress you that much Snow."

Jon laughed. "True, you won't try that hard."

"So, this is her?" Tormund asked turning his attention to Sansa after she had come around the car. Jon's cheeks grew red.

"Hi, I'm Sansa," she said extending her hand. She wasn't embarrassed, it would make sense he would know of her; he was Jon's friend after all.

Tormund laughed, "Come on. Gingers hug." With that he pulled her into a hug as well. Sansa laughed as he released her.

"You have good taste Snow, surrounding yourself with those kissed by fire." He gave Sansa a wink and told them to come in the house.

He gave them a tour. The house was rather large for a single man, but it was clearly Tormund's. Trophy mounts covered several walls throughout the house. As they walked Tormund told Sansa all about Brienne, the woman at work he was completely taken with. He told her how they had meet at a company retreat last year and she was the reason he had agreed to move here. He told her he hoped one day she would live in this house with him. Jon had just chuckled and shook his head, he had heard this story more than once.

"If you're lucky you'll meet her at my birthday party."

"Lucky?" Jon asked and gave Tormund a look.

"Alright, fine. I meant if I can convince her to come. You're ruining my denial. You happy?"

Jon laughed. He had recalled when Tormund had first met Brienne. It seemed her opinion of him had changed little over the last year.

"So, what's this year's theme?" Jon asked when they concluded the tour.

"The 1920's. I'm trying to go classy and upscale this year."

Jon smirked. Sansa suppressed a smile as well.

"I'm taking the day off on Friday. The party company is going to start dropping stuff off then. I'm just so glad you are going to be here for it. That said, you are still impromptu, so you're on your own tomorrow while I'm at work," Tormund informed them.

"No worries. We can entertain ourselves. Plus we'll need to go find costumes," Jon said.

"And do laundry. You don't mind do you?" Sansa asked.

"Not at all. Mi casa es su casa. Let me know if there is anything else you need." He turned to Jon then, "Also, you didn't really say when you called, but do you need one or two bedrooms?" Tormund then made a show of looking between them. Jon could tell he was overjoyed by the amusement he derived from torturing him.

Jon looked at Sansa for a moment and then back at Tormund. "Two," he answered.

Tormund raised an eyebrow, smirked and shook his head. "Interesting. Suit yourself," he said and left the room.

xxxxxxx

They left Tormund's after breakfast the following morning to begin their quest for costumes. They found it to be rather easy, since it was October, every thrift stores had dedicated costume sections.

"So, there's a theme every year?" Sansa asked as the browsed the racks.

"Yeah. In college there were pretty simple since we were all rather poor. One year is was a toga party, the next it was Hawaiian Luau. I think his themes back then were chosen for ease and to maximize the amount of skin the girls would show."

"Do you think this one is any different?" Sansa asked as she held up some tiny tiered dress that was labeled flapper girl.

Jon let out a huff of a laugh, though part of him hoped she might try it on. He did his best to hide his disappointment when she put it back on the rack.

He found a pin striped suit that he thought looked very 1920's gangster. He told Sansa he was going to go find a matching hat and then try on the suit. As he walked away his phone chimed. He took it out and read the text.

It was from Robb. "Hey, sorry to bug you with this but any chance you've heard from Sansa? She kinda went crazy after the funeral and took off. I know, not like her at all."

Jon wasn't sure how to respond. He knew she hadn't told Robb she was with him so that Robb won't be angry with him. There had been a slight ordeal a couple years ago when they had first told Robb they were dating. He had not been pleased. He had accused Jon of going behind his back, and of having less than honorable intentions towards his sister. It was one of the rare times Robb had decided to play the protective older brother, though in Jon's estimation Robb was likely just concerned he had picked Sansa over him. They had eventually worked it out. It had helped that Robb had been busy with his own life and had been far away at school. Now he wasn't sure his friend would be so forgiving, not when he was the reason his sister had run away from home and left him to fend for himself.

He didn't want to lie to Robb and he thought about ignoring the text. However at the end of the day his loyalty lay with Sansa, and he didn't really care about incurring Robb's wrath at this point. And with any luck, maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to put Robb's mind at ease. "She didn't go crazy. Actually, she's with me." He knew as soon as he hit send the phone would ring. And he was right. He picked up on the first ring.

"Hey," he answered and braced himself for the onslaught.

"Is she alright?" He actually seemed concerned, Jon hadn't expected that to be his initial reaction.

"She's fine. Actually, she seems more than fine. She seems almost happy." Jon responded watching Sansa laugh with the store clerk that was trying to help her find a dress.

"Thank god. I was starting to think she had completely lost it. It's – well it's just not like her to do something like this. And she can be so naïve sometimes. I was worried what might happen to her if she was all alone."

"I get it. But she's not so naïve Robb." He could hear Robb preparing to debate him, so he quickly added, "Don't worry though, I'm keeping a good eye on her."

"Glad to hear it. You're going to bring her back soon, right?"

"That's up to her Robb."

"Right, of course."

They were both silent for a moment.

"Are you two back together?" Robb ventured.

"Are you asking because you want to congratulate us, or because you're afraid I'm not going to bring her back if we are?"

"Jon," Robb said with a heavy sigh.

"Robb."

"Come on, my family has been all but destroyed. And you have been clear about your feelings about moving back to town. If you two are back on, well I think I have a right to be prepared for the fact that my sister will not be coming home."

"You're being melodramatic. I would never keep her from you."

"So, I have nothing to worry about then? You're saying she'll be coming home soon."

"I'm not going to speak for her, you should know that. Hey, I gotta go," he said as he saw Sansa walking towards him.

"Come on –"

"Talk to you later." He hung up the phone as Sansa reached him.

"Everything ok?" She had registered the distressed look on his face from across the shop.

"Yeah, nothing to worry about." She narrowed her eyes at him. She was rather sure he wasn't telling her the truth, but she let it go. She wanted to enjoy this weekend, not spend it arguing with him.

"Ok. Well, are you getting that suit? Because I'm trying to decide between a couple dresses and I think it would be fun if we sorta matched."

"I think I'd like that too. Show me what you found."

Xxxxxx

They had spent the rest of Thursday and part of Friday checking out the city. They had taken a ride on the Wheeler Ferris Wheel and Sansa had delighted in the photo op it had offered. They stopped by the Land Run Monument. They had toured the zoo and lounged in Will Rogers Park. Sansa appreciated the respite from the road. It was nice sleeping in the same bed for a couple nights in a row.

Saturday they offered to help Tormund with the party set up, but he had laughed and said that was why he was paying people. So instead they went to brunch at Cheever's Café to get out of the party planners' way.

When they returned home in the early afternoon, Sansa was shocked to see how much the house had been transformed. The crew Tormund had hired had done good work. She could tell when they were done it would look like something out of "The Great Gatsby" or "Boardwalk Empire." Jon had not been exaggerating when he told her Tormund made a huge deal for his birthday.

They spent the rest of the afternoon lounging around and eventually V in the front. The beading made it was somewhat heavy but it was still comfortable due to the thick got ready for the party. She had settled on a bluish silver beaded and fringed flapper dress with a deep straps. The skirt was only a few inches longer than her rear, but the overlaying fringe fell a few inches above her knee. She thought it went well with the dark blue pin striped suit Jon had purchased. When she caught sight of herself in the mirror and she realized she should take a picture of herself to send to Margaery. She knew her friend would be proud she was showing so much skin.

She exited her bedroom across from Jon's at the same time he was leaving his. He stopped and stared at her. It made her blush a little. It was the most makeup and the least amount of clothing she'd had on in days.

"Fits good, right?" she asked and twirled to distract him from her reddened cheeks. It sent the fringe dancing and showed most of her legs to him.

"You look…." He seemed at a loss for words. She met his eyes for a long moment "That was the right dress," he finished.

"Thanks," she said with small smile. He offered her his arm and they descended to the first floor. Jon left Sansa standing in the foyer and told her he would go find them some drinks. She heard the party planner telling some of the staff they needed to make more deviled eggs since they were expecting at least fifty people. Sansa didn't realize until then that it would be such a large party.

Jon came back then and handed her a glass of champagne. "I've been told if anyone asked we're to say this is a Great Gatsby party."

"Well it looks the part, but why's that?" Sansa asked sipping her drink.

"Apparently Tormund found out that Brienne loves that book."

"Was that before or after he picked a theme?"

"What do you think?"

Sansa just laughed. Tormund was a sweet man, but he was completely unrefined. In fact, she could hear snippets of his conversation now. He was animatedly sharing some story about tracking and killing a bear in the tundra.

"Also, the mystery stage out back is for the band he hired. Do you still recall how to swing dance?" Jon asked with a mischievous grin.

Sansa smiled and shook her head at him as she recalled the memory of the one dance class she had managed to drag him to in Chicago. She swore he had been trying to break her toes with his bumbling. She had vowed to him they would never try choreographed dancing ever again.

Within the next hour most of the guests, including the woman Tormund was desperate to impress, had arrived and the party was in full swing. There were gaming tables in the living room and the alcohol was flowing freely. In Sansa's opinion the correct theme for this party was not so much Gatsby as it was speakeasy. But she had to admit Tormund threw an amazing party.

The band was set up out back on the patio and there were heaters to keep the cool night air at bay. Sansa had been brave enough to ask Jon to slow dancing with her a couple of times. He had enough alcohol in him by then to agree and had managed not to step on her toes.

Sansa ended up talking to Brienne for a while. She instantly liked her. She was kind and funny, but she was also blunt and as unrefined as Tormund in many ways. Sansa found her fascinating. She told her stories of how she'd worked her way up in the male dominated oil industry, how she'd learn to deal with roughnecks and testosterone and always keep her cool. She seemed amused with Tormund's attempts to impress her, though she'd roll her eyes if she caught him leering. Which Sansa noticed to her amusement, he did frequently. However once the band had called it a night, someone suggested they use the patio for a game of flip cup. Brienne initially refused, citing the fact that she was too dressed up for such a thing. But Tormund persisted, emboldened by a number of cocktails, he taunted her. That was all it took to get her to agree. As she took off her heels she reminded Sansa she was not one to ever back down from a direct challenge, especially from a man.

The teams were boys verses girls and Jon and Sansa found themselves roped into the game. Tormund and Brienne were ridiculously competitive. Before they knew it, best two out of three had turned into five out of seven. When the team lead by Brienne bested Tormund's team on the seventh game, Tormund demanded that they move to best of nine. At that Sansa announced she was retiring from the team. She hadn't played this much flip cup in a night ever, and between the beer and champagne, things were starting to get a bit hazy. She honestly couldn't believe the two team captains could be so unaffected by the amount they had consumed.

Jon announced he was out as well. He had noticed how Sansa was wobbly on her heels and rushed to her side. He held her around the waist and tried to help her back into the house. But as he did, she tripped over the doorframe and nearly collapsed into his arms. She laughed when he pulled her up right and their faces were within inches of each other. She heard Tormund laugh in the distance and whistle.

"You're drunk," Jon observed with a smile.

"And you're not?" Sansa laughed as she plucked his hat off his head, put it on, and then walked further into the house.

He had a good buzz going, but he knew between the two of them she was far more drunk. He followed her and they made their way into the kitchen. The party had wound down, with only the most serious partiers still hanging on. It was nearly two in the morning. They probably should go to bed soon. They had planned to leave tomorrow by mid-day. One of them needed to be well enough to drive.

"I think we should probably call it a night," Jon suggested. "Maybe we should get some water?" Jon grabbed a bottle of water and opened it. He took a long drink and then held it out to her as he leaned back against one of the counters.

"We could….." she said walking towards him. She was suddenly very close to him. He could feel the warmth coming off her body. She was nearly pressed against him. "Or….." she purred and then reached around him and grabbed an open bottle of champagne from the counter next to him and took a long drink.

"You are so bad," Jon chastised her with a slight nervous laugh. Sansa set the bottle down and looked up at him. She didn't move back.

"Why Jon Snow, are you calling me a naughty girl?" There was such a flirty edge to her voice. One Jon hadn't heard in years. He swallowed, his throat felt dry and thick.

"Never," he whispered.

They looked at each other for a moment and then they crashed together. He wrapped his arms around her and his hands snaked into her hair. The kiss was intense, for both of them it felt like coming home. Sansa's whole body started to tingle, and she knew it was not from the alcohol. He was kissing her, really kissing her, and she could hardly believe it. He slid his tongue into her mouth. She knew she was smiling as they continued to kiss.

They finally pulled apart and she looked at him. His eyes had darkened and he let out a deep breath. She smiled and took him by the hand and started to lead him towards the stairs.

"What are we doing?" he asked.

"We're calling it a night," she answered.

They entered the room Jon had slept in last night. He closed the door and when he turned back around Sansa pressed herself to him again and kissed him. "I'm really glad we're here, together," she sighed as she pulled away and pulled him towards the bed.

"Together?" Jon repeated. He realized it sounded much more like a question than he had intended. But if Sansa registered it she didn't acknowledge it.

She started kissing him again. After a couple of minutes she grew impatient. She pushed his jacket off and then started pulling at his tie, nearly chocking him.

"Sansa, stop. Slow down," he cautioned as he pulled away. It came out a bit harsher than he meant it to.

She let him go and stepped back. She felt embarrassed and her face started to burn. Her alcohol clouded brain told her he must not be interested in her like that anymore. But then hadn't he kissed her? Or had she kissed him? She had been the one to press herself against him in the kitchen. She felt unsure and confused now. But worse than that, she realized she was making a mess of this by making a drunken pass at him. She wasn't sure what to do now to save face.

Jon for his part was thinking about the first time they had been together. He never regretted it, but he also knew the circumstances hadn't exactly been ideal. It hadn't been honorable, it wasn't something he should allow again. They were drunk, they were both grieving. He shouldn't take advantage of her like this. God he wanted to though, he wanted nothing more than pull that damn dress off her and taste and touch every inch of her.

"I should probably go to my own room," she said looking at his feet. Her voice was thick with emotion even though it was barely above a whisper. He could tell she was embarrassed and he felt terrible. He didn't want her to feel like that, he didn't want her to go to bed crying and alone.

"How about you stay? I think we are too drunk for anything to happen, but if you want to stay and sleep it's ok."

She didn't meet his eyes but she gave him a slight nod. She knew he was just being nice, but she did like the idea of being near him, so she agreed. She knew he was right anyways, she was getting light headed and slightly nauseated now. She decided to blame it all on the alcohol. They turned their backs to each other and undressed. Jon put on his pajamas and Sansa slid on one of his t shirts before sliding into bed together. Sansa laid her head on his shoulder tentatively and told him the room was spinning. He told her to just focus on his voice and started to tell her a story about Tormund's toga party birthday. She let herself be lulled by the deep timbre of his voice, and as she fell asleep she said a prayer that she hadn't screwed up the friendship that had been growing between them.

XXXXXXXXX

Jon woke up early and carefully got out of bed so he as not to wake Sansa. He dressed and slipped out of room in search of coffee.

He found coffee and Tormund in the kitchen. "You're up early," Jon yawned.

"Late, early, whatever," Tormund laughed.

"You haven't been to bed?" Jon asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"No. Some of us didn't end up with a pretty girl to take there."

Jon shook his head at his friend. "It wasn't like that."

"Last I saw, you were all over each other," Tormund said with a raised eyebrow.

"She tripped."

"Be that as it may, doesn't account for the way you were looking at her."

Jon had no response to that, so he decided to turn the tables. "So, I take your presence here means Brienne didn't stay over?"

Tormund smirked at him but went along with his change of topic. "No, but it's just a matter of time. She'll come to her senses eventually."

"That's the spirit. Don't give up. Well, at least until the restraining order is filed."

Tormund gave a deep laugh. "Snow's got jokes."

They were quiet for a bit while Jon drank his coffee and Tormund made himself a Bloody Mary.

"So, where you off to next?" Tormund asked breaking the silence.

"Probably try to make Amarillo tonight, depends on how many places Sansa makes us stop on the way. Though if she is as hungover as I suspect she might be, then she'll probably be ok with a straight through drive."

They drank their drinks for a quiet moment and then Tormund's turned the conversation back to Jon. "So, I know what you said earlier… but are you getting back together with her or what?"

"It's not like that, at least not right now."

"It's not? How could it not be? I told you, I saw the way you two were looking at each other last night. You still clearly love her. Seems to me she loves you right back."

Jon took a deep breath and looked at his friend for several moments. Tormund raised in an eyebrow and cocked his head waiting on his response. "I think I made a mistake asking her on this trip. She thinks this is something that it's not."

Tormund looked at him for a long moment with confusion. "You care to explain," he prompted when it became clear Jon was not going to volunteer the information.

"I pretty sure I lead her to believe this was about saving her, about helping her grieve... But that's not entirely true."

"So it's about getting her back then?"

"No, it's about me. I need to go do something and I didn't want to do it alone. She's always made me feel stronger, more secure. I've been wrestling with this thing for months, and when I saw her at her parents' house I knew I could finally do it as long as she was with me. Does that make me horrible?"

"Jon, that girl loves you. You should've just told her you needed her. You –"

"I wanted to," Jon interrupted him. "But then I realized I would just be another person that was asking something of her for their own selfish reasons. I had no right to ask her for something on the day she buried her family." He didn't want to add that he had been keeping secrets from her for over a year. And while he had kept them because he hadn't wanted to burden her with them, they had ultimately driven them apart.

"Well then, the longer you keep up this pretense, the worse it's going to get. She loves you, just tell her the truth. If she is as selfless as you have always said, than I'm sure she'll understand and be more than willing to help you."

xxxxxxxxxx

Sansa awoke to an empty bed and a raging headache. Champagne and beer did not mix. She couldn't find any aspirin in the bathroom, but she heard voices wafting up the stairs, so she headed down to ask where some might be.

She was nearly to the bottom of the stairs when she started to understand the words coming from the kitchen.

"I think I made a mistake asking her on this trip. She thinks this is something that it's not," she heard Jon say.

She knew he was talking about her. It was just as she feared, she had ruined everything. She didn't wait to hear what he said next, instead she turned and fled back up the stairs just as the first tears began to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, more angst. I can't help it, it's who they are as people in this story..... :-/


	9. Amarillo, TX

_Past_

_They stood in shock, almost completely blocking the walkway near the bar. A few people managed to push around them, but after a few moments someone told them to stop being assholes and get out of the way. They moved to the side and both tried to speak at once, Jon asking what she was doing there and Sansa asking him how he was._

_They quickly decided it was too loud in the bar, so once they had gotten passed the shock of seeing each other, they had decided they should leave and go somewhere quiet to catch up. They agreed to meet at the edge of the dance floor in a few of minutes. Jon had taken the beers back to his friends and Sansa had gone to the dance floor and managed to catch Margaery's attention. She motioned that she was leaving. Margaery stopped dancing and glared at her with crossed arms and shook her head. That was until Jon showed up and placed a hand on her back, asking if she was ready to go. As soon as Margaery caught sight of him, her eyes and smile had grown wide, her shake turned to a nod and she gave Sansa a thumb's up and went back to dancing._

_Once outside they decided to go to the twenty-four diner a couple blocks over. Always the gentleman, Jon had given her is his jacket for the walk over. She was grateful because it had only gotten colder out. When she asked him if he was cold he had promised he wasn't, and it was true, seeing her again had sparked a fire deep inside him._

_Their conversation on the way over was almost nonexistence. Perhaps it was the shock of seeing each other after all this time, or perhaps it was that they had both separately dreamed of this reunion but never had imagined it would actually happen. Sansa wondered for a moment if he was just an alcohol fueled hallucination, but then she realized she wasn't THAT drunk._

_They arrived at the dinner and took a seat in a corner booth that the hostess lead them to. She handed them their menus and said she would return shortly for their orders. They both started to look over the menu, periodically glancing at each other nervously. The waitress returned with water but they told her they still needed a little bit of time to look at the menu._

_"It's really nice to see you again," Sansa said in an attempt to get the conversation going._

_"You too. So you've been in Chicago all fall?" She thought she heard the slightest undercurrent of hurt in his tone. "What happened to Michigan?"_

_"Didn't Robb mention I changed schools?" He shook his head. "I was wait listed at SACI, they called a few weeks before the semester and offered me a slot."_

_"Well congratulations. I guess I didn't realize you'd apply there though."_

_"It was actually my top choice, but I didn't really tell very people about it when I applied. I thought it might jinx it." Jon shrugged as if he accepted her rationale. "Robb really didn't tell you?"_

_"Robb and I are like ships passing in the night most of the time. I'm sure he tells you how busy he is with the fraternity and now he has a girlfriend….." It was true, when she talked to Robb it wasn't as if he mentioned Jon to her, or anyone other than himself and Jeyne really. "I thought about asking him about you a few times," he continued, "but I thought if I asked him, well he'd want to know why. And then he might ask a bunch of questions…. you know how he can be." Jon looked away as he said the last part._

_"I do. He was born to be a lawyer," Sansa sighed. She was still buzzed though and decided to lighten the mood. "I take it you were concerned he'd be upset to find out you defiled his sister?" Jon nearly spit out the water he had just drank and he cheeks flared a soft pink. He shook his head in disbelief at her words, but she saw the faint smile tugging at his lips. Sansa smirked in response but before either of them could say more, the waitress arrived to take their order. Jon ordered a burger and fries. Sansa ordered lemon curd pancakes and bacon._

_"So how have you been?" she asked. Jon could see by the look on her face, that was she genuinely concerned and curious. He decided he wanted to answer her honestly._

_"Better now, the first few weeks when I came back to school were rough. I think it's when everything actually hit me." Sansa gave him a questioning look. "It's just that when she died, well there was so much to do right away, the cleaning, the selling. Then I was in Gary, and there were no memories there, nothing there to remind me of her or any of it. And I worked all the time, to the point of exhaustion. It was a summer of sleep and work…" He was quiet for a moment and gave her an apologetic look. She knew this was his way of explaining and apologizing for their lack of communication over the summer. She returned his gaze with an expression that conveyed she understood. He let out a deep breath before he went on. "Anyways, once I got back here, well there were reminders and I didn't have quite the same distractions….. I don't know, the realization that I was actually alone in the world seemed to finally hit me. I got pretty angry, kinda just wanted to fight everything and everyone. I think I might've even started drinking a bit too much…"_

_"What were you so angry about exactly?" As soon as she said it she knew it was a rather dumb question, but the alcohol was still calling some of the shots in her mind._

_"What wasn't I angry about?" he responded looking down at his hands for a moment._

_"Sorry, that was –" she began to apologize._

_"Being alone mostly," he answered as if she had not even spoken. "I was angry that she died like she did, but I was also mad at how unfair it was that I was by myself now. I mean if I had siblings, or some other type of family…. Maybe it would've been easier."_

_"You have us, and your friends."_

_"I know, but it's not quite the same." He wasn't sure how to explain to her the feeling. He had his friends here sure, but in a semester they would be gone and he would still remain. He had felt a part of the Starks when he was younger, but when he and Robb had gone off to college that had changed. His mother had been the one constant, the one person that he had really belonged to, and she to him. But Lyanna had left him and therefore he no longer had a family or the security that came with it. The whole thing had made him wonder about his father more and more, if there were other people out there he shared blood with. It had made him angry that he had been denied that family and the sense of comfort that might have come with it._

_He looked up and saw the pity and sympathy clear on Sansa's face. This was not how he wanted to be reunited with her. "Anyways, Sam made me go talk to someone. I'm doing better now. But enough of that. Tell me about your school. How was your first semester?"_

_Sansa wanted to tell him not to change the topic but the waitress arrived then and dropped off their food and he looked so grateful for the interruption she decided to let it go. "School's great," she began as she bit into her bacon. "I am so happy here. My classes have been everything I hoped for and my roommate is amazing. Though she spends way too much of her free time trying to make sure I am properly debauched." She gestured at her outfit then._

_"Debauched?" Jon said raising an eyebrow. She noticed he was looking her over, his eyes lingering on the deep V of her halter top._

_"Yes. She's southern," she said as if that explained it all._

_Jon realized he had let his gaze linger too long and she had seen him looking at her breasts. He flushed and made a show of pretending to search for the ketchup bottle that was behind the napkin dispenser. Sansa smirked again as she ate another piece of bacon. If he didn't know better he could've swore she had just pulled at the hem of her shirt to expose herself to him just a little more. He almost dropped the bottle. She gave a light laugh in response._

_"I switched majors," Jon said suddenly to distract them both._

_"Oh?"_

_He proceeded to tell her all about his new major and his hopes for his career once he graduated. She told him that she thought Lyanna would be very proud of his choice. They stayed in the dinner for hours catching up on the last several months. She told him all the things Robb hadn't, gossip from Winter Falls and what the younger Starks were up to currently. She told him how just Rickon had come down in October for siblings' weekend, and that she and Margaery had taken him to a Bulls game and Navy Pier. Jon enjoyed all her stories, but he felt the smallest pang of longing for a family of his own once again._

_They finally seemed to run out of things to discuss and just sat for a couple of minutes in a comfortable silence as they finished their coffee._

_"I should get back. If I don't beat Margaery home I will never hear the end of it."_

_"I'll walk you back."_

_"You don't have to, it's not that far."_

_"I'll walk you back or you can take a cab. I'm not just letting you walk home alone at 4 am."_

_"Ok." His chivalry made her smile._

_Jon paid the bill and they left. It was only a few blocks back to Sansa's campus and they walked slowly._

_"So, what are your plans for break?" Sansa asked. She hoped maybe he planned to come back home. She thought it might be good for him to be around familiar people for the holiday._

_"Going to California to stay with Sam."_

_"Oh… Well that sounds fun." He saw the disappointment in her eyes even though she was smiling encouragingly._

_"It's the first Christmas without her, I'd just prefer to not be in a place that reminds me of her," he explained quietly._

_"You don't owe me an explanation….. I hope you have a really good time." Jon felt a stab of guilt that her disappointment made him feel happy, had given him hope she might have feelings for him._

_They continued to talk as they walked. Even though it had been awkward at first, it now almost felt as if no time had passed since they were last together. When they reached Sansa's dorm they exchanged pleasantries and embraced for a long time, neither of them wanted to be the first to let go._

_When they finally did part, Jon said, "So, when we get back from break, maybe we can hang out again? I mean we are less than twenty miles apart….. I mean if you have time and if you want to."_

_Sansa felt her spirits soar, it was exactly what she had hoped he would say. And he was so adorably nervous, it melted her heart. "I would really like that. It was so good to see you. I would love to keep seeing you." She flushed at what she said. She hoped the cold and the dim light covered it up._

_"I would too."_

_They hugged again and their cheeks brushed as they pulled apart again. Sansa wished she was still buzzed so she could have the courage to kiss him, but she knew that might be too forward. They had just reconnected after all. But they had promised to stay in touch, and she knew that this time she had every intention of keeping that promise._

xxxxxxxx

Present

They had left Tormund's after lunch. It was later then they planned but Sansa had been moving slow all morning. She seemed miserable but swore to Jon it was just the hangover. She didn't want to tell him her heart was breaking.

They drove west. Sansa stared out the window wearing his St Louis Cardinals hat and her sunglasses. He could tell she wasn't sleeping. She didn't seem interested in talking though. The silence was heavy in the car and even though he'd often teased her about it hurting his ears, he found he missed her humming along to the twangy country songs they were normally forced to listen to. He also missed her telling him random facts about the route and begging him to stop in every other small town. Admittedly, there wasn't much in this stretch, but when she turned down the opportunity to tour the Route 66 Museum in Clinton he started to worry. He couldn't help but wonder if her mood was solely due to the hangover.

He tried to ask her about the significance of the U Drop Inn near Shamrock, Texas since there were so many signs, but had she waved him off and soon after she decided she would pretend to be asleep. She didn't want to talk to him right now, she was far too conflicted and had no idea how to put it into words anyways. This sucked, she decided. Besides being sufficiently hung-over, her mind swirled with a million thoughts and emotions. First she was mad at herself for thinking this was something more than it was. Clearly he was doing all this to be nice, to save her from wallowing in grief or being trapped by Robb or Bran's needs. He was doing her a kindness; that was all. She berated herself for going and destroying the comfortable peace they had been existing in. She felt annoyed that he was being to be so damn nice about it too. That he could just pretending nothing had happened. She swore she had felt the emotion, the passion in his kiss. She told herself there was no way she could have imagined it, no matter how drunk she had been. But then he didn't seem to be as affected she was, so maybe she had imagined it. When they finally pulled into Amarillo she felt nothing but confusion and frustration.

They pulled into the parking lot of a cheap motel off the interstate near a large flea market. As he got out to go check them in, Sansa reminded him to make sure there was two beds. That was the final confirmation he needed to know her mood was not just due to her hangover. He wondered for a moment what he had done to make her upset with him. He realized then that she was likely upset about the way things had ended in his room last night. He wasn't sure how to make that better at the moment though. He could apologize, but then she might be upset he was bringing it up. Or worse she might want to discuss how he felt about her. And if they started down that road he would have to tell her everything. And honestly he wasn't sure he was ready for that today. He knew he needed to tell her, and soon, but he also didn't want to start the conversation when she was already upset. But then he thought of his conversation with Tormund. What if there was a chance something could start again with them? What if she still loved him? Perhaps his wild friend was right. Maybe it was time they talked about some things.

They went into their room and Sansa immediately laid on the bed furthest from the door. She stared up at the ceiling and sighed. Jon moved and sat on the edge of the opposite bed and watched her. She knew he was looking at her. She hoped he would stop, but when he didn't she sighed again and sat up and faced him.

"What?" she asked, annoyance clear in her voice.

"Do you want to tell me why you are so mad at me?" he asked.

"I'm not." It was only a partial lie, she was mostly angry with herself at this point. "I told you I'm just hung-over."

He regarded her carefully. He wanted to push her, but he was scared she might just get angrier or worse, want to leave. He decided it might be safest to relent, at least for now. 'Safer for who?' a little voice in his head hissed. He cursed himself for being a chicken shit but told the voice to shut up. "Alright then…. Well, are you hungry?"

"A little….. I mean my stomach's kinda angry but I should probably eat."

"So, I guess that means the Big Texan is out then."

"The place where you have to eat a 72-ounce steak?" she asked. Jon nodded. "Yeah, hard pass. Sorry."

"I'd never be able to eat all that anyways. I mean look at me." He was trying to at least get her to smile, he was failing. "We should've brought Tormund," he added. "Hell, he might've even eaten it raw." That made her smile slightly. "So, then what are you in the mood for?"

"I don't know, maybe just something greasy. Something that will kill the last of my hangover?" She was going to play that card as long as possible. It was much easier than telling him she felt rejected by him. She did not want his pity.

"Well we're in Texas, so I think that means we have to eat brisket…... I mean if your stomach is up to it."

"Yeah, I think that'll be ok."

"Ok, I'm going to ask the front desk for a recommendation. I'll be back."

Jon left the room and she laid back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling again. She groaned in frustration. It was time she started asking herself the hard questions and being honest about it. She realized that up until this moment she hadn't really stopped to consider what she hoped to get out of this trip. After all, this was not her, she was never one to run from hardship or sadness. So why had she agreed to come? Had it just been an impulse? Had she just hopped in that cab full of grief and an overwhelming need to get away from Lysa? Perhaps she had initially. But was that the reason she had stayed? Had she let that momentum carry her all the way to Texas?

The realization came to her then and she knew she could no longer deny it. Sure, she had wanted to escape, to have a chance to grieve, maybe to show some sort of independence, but she was not here because she was running away from something. No, she was here in this rundown motel in the Texas Panhandle because she had decided to run towards something. She was here because of Jon. Because of what he still meant to her and the pull he had on her. She had come because she wanted resolution with him once and for all, though at the moment she was too scared to admit what she hoped that resolution would be. She sat up and thought about last night and his words from this morning and felt her frustration grow. Because she knew that no matter what SHE wanted, their future wasn't solely her decision. She groaned and buried her face in her hands forcing the tears back down.

Jon came back in then. "Are you alright?" he asked as he closed the door. He seemed weary.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a headache," she said looking up at him and attempting a weak smile. "What did the guy say?"

"He recommended Tyler's. He made it sound pretty damn good too. But they close at six, so we should get moving."

"Well, then," she mumbled. "I see your decision is made."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure why but the present portion of this chapter was a struggle to write.... hoping the next chapter flows much easier.
> 
> Anyways, I started making simple photo collages for the chapters. They’re nothing amazing but if your curious they’re on my tumblr @jrojoyce. Thanks!


	10. New Mexico

_Past_

_Sansa thought the stars must have been aligned in her favor this time. How else could they have found their way back together so easily? They texted or talked on the phone nearly every day of their break. When they returned to Chicago after Christmas break they slipped into an easy rhythm. They spent every Friday night and Sunday afternoon together._

_They went to dinner, to a museum, to the movies. After the first two weekends Margaery asked if they were dating. They hadn't discussed it and so Sansa insisted they were just friends. Margaery had laughed and called her a liar. Because according to her, no one came home from hanging out with their "friend" looking as happy and dopey as she did._

_She had brought the exchange up to Jon the following Friday night. She had expected him to laugh, though she had hoped it might also plant a seed. He hadn't laughed. Instead he had asked her if she'd like their plans on Sunday to be a date. She had readily agreed. They had decided to go traditional, dinner and a movie. The way they finally held hands in the movie had been cute and cliché but Sansa didn't care, it thrilled her all the same. After he had walked her back to her dorm. Margaery had made a point to tell Sansa prior that she would be out until at least midnight, so she had asked him if he wanted to come up. He accepted and eventually he kissed her, but when things had gotten a bit heated he had told her he thought they should take it slow._

_When Margaery showed back up in their room that night she had been thrilled to have been proven right, going so far as to take credit for their new "relationship." Sansa just laughed, rolled her eyes, and let her have her victory. However by Monday night, Margaery had decided there was no reason for them to "take it slow." She sat Sansa down and reminded her that they had already seen each other naked more than once, and she might as well get him on "lockdown." Sansa was initially appalled, but her comment did make her think of the last time her and Jon had been together, and she had to admit she didn't necessarily want to take it slow either._

_By Thursday night she decided she would take control of things. Margaery had already told her that afternoon that she planned to be gone all weekend, off to Wisconsin on a ski trip with a couple of the other girls on the floor. Sansa knew she was doing it as a favor to her, Margaery wasn't exactly an avid cold weather athlete. So she asked Jon to come over Friday to watch a movie, telling him she thought it might be nice to stay in for a night. She had felt confident and clear about her goal until she heard him knock on the door. Her nerves suddenly took over. She realized this would be their first time as an official couple and for some reason that scared her. She was so nervous when she answered the door that Jon immediately knew the real reason she had asked him over. He had to admit it turned him on and he started to question if they did need to take it slow._

_Now they were both nervous. The dorm room was small, there was no couch. Jon sat down on her bed and moved back towards the wall. Sansa swallowed at the sight of him on her bed before she put the movie in and then sat next to him. The opening credits hadn't even played before they were leaning against each other._

_The movie she had chosen was some terrible angsty romcom with Miles Teller and some girl that were snowed in together after a one night stand. 'Subtle,' Jon thought with amusement. He wondered if this had been Margaery's suggestion._

_Sansa had quickly changed her mind about taking control, instead deciding to leave it up to fate; she would let him make the first move. But she tried to give him plenty of hints, snuggling in closer to him, caressing his chest and arms, playing with his hair. Jon relished the game she was playing and the attention she was giving him. As a result it had taken him until almost the end of the movie to make a move. But when he did the dam completely burst. One minute they had been sweetly cuddling on her bed, watching the bumbling boy trying to win over the girl for the final time, and the next moment they were tearing each other's clothes off. As Jon flung her bra over the tv, Sansa was happy and relieved to find that the intense passion they had once shared, was still there. She had long worried that grief might have been what had bound them together. But there was no grief here. And her worries were laid to rest in the way he kissed her and worshipped her body as he made her peak with his hands and his mouth before he finally buried himself inside her._

_They had lain in her bed after, tangled to together, talking long into the early morning. The nerves were now gone. He admitted he had thought about her like this a lot over the summer and he had been so disappointed in himself for letting her go. She told him not waste another moment on it, after all they were together now, it had all worked out as it was supposed to. To make him feel a little better, Sansa admitted that she had had a crush on him long before they had started spending time together but she had been too shy to do anything about it. When she blushed over it, Jon thought it was the most adorable thing he had ever heard._

_After that night they were both much more secure in the relationship. Due to their schedules they could still only spend time together on the weekends, so during the week they would talk before bedtime most nights. Sometimes it felt as if they talked about everything, and sometimes they spoke of nothing, the conversations filled with fluffy endearments. After a couple of weeks Margaery started to groan and complain they were giving her tooth decay. Sansa reminded her she only had herself to blame._

_When they told Robb they were together a few weeks later, Sansa knew it was getting serious. Robb for his part had seemed annoyed at first. He had questioned them on how long it had been going on. Apparently he had concerns Jon had somehow been scandalizing his sister for years behind his back. They swore it was relatively new, but assured him they were extremely happy. So eventually, outside the occasional grumble that she had stolen his best friend, Robb seemed to accept it._

_The semester had been magical, but they knew they would be apart come the summer. Jon was going back to Gary to stay with Grenn and work the construction job again. Sansa was going home. This time the separation would be much different. They both knew what the other one felt, they both wanted this; they were committed to making long distance work. She had planned to come to Gary for a weekend in early June and Jon had promised to come up for the Fourth of July. They worked hard at it, never going more than two days without speaking and they stayed together through the summer._

_They happily reunited that fall in the city. Sansa and Margaery were back together in the dorms at SACI. With all his close friends now graduated Jon had decided to become a resident advisor for the fall semester. He had been thrilled to get the slot since it meant that he did not have to pay for housing costs and he got a private room._

_He would be graduating in December and planned to find a job in the city. Admittedly he was mainly staying for Sansa, but it was as good as place as any to build a life, and really it's not as if he had something tying him to any place else. He didn't mind, he was excited at the prospect of building a life with her. He hoped that next fall when she came back to school she might consider living with him. He had told her all this one rainy afternoon as they lay in the bed in his dorm room. She told him she really liked the idea and she could see them together like that, but she also told him they probably needed to move one step at a time. First, he needed to find a job and an apartment. He made her promise to consider it. She had kissed him and assured him she would be more than happy to do just that._

_By the time he graduated he had secured a job with a major health insurance carrier. It was essentially entry level, but it still paid well enough. His boss, Mr. Thorne, seemed like a decent enough man. Jon was looking forward to working his way up so that one day he would be in a position to help people like his mom._

_They spent Christmas with the Starks. Things were a little different now. He was no longer just Robb's friend, he was Sansa's boyfriend. And while that seemed to make little difference to the younger Starks, it did change his relationship with the elder Starks a bit. They still treated him well and made him feel welcomed, but Ned did pull him aside and reminded him, just as he had last summer, that he needed to make sure he stayed in the basement and out of Sansa's room at night. He said it with a friendly smile but Jon knew he meant it as a warning all the same._

_But being back in Winter Falls at this time of the year, with the snow on the ground, was harder on him then he'd expected. Last year, when he had been in California it had been warm, and the sun had been shining, and so it had been much easier to pretend it wasn't Christmas. But being here in his hometown made him think a lot about his mother. It made him miss their Christmas morning traditions of early morning ice skating, followed by making hot chocolate and cinnamon rolls. He didn't mention this to Sansa because he didn't want to be a killjoy, but it made him long again for his own family._

_And while those memories made him a little sad, they also made him a bit angry at Lyanna for leaving him the way she had. As he lay awake in the Stark's basement the night after Christmas he told himself that he should actually be grateful to her and reminded himself that he owed her so much. After all, just a couple of weeks ago he had felt like his life was getting close to perfect. And there was no way this was all happening unless she had been acting as his guardian angel. But the irony still tasted bitter. He had always known Lyanna had made sacrifices for him, so he supposed it was fitting that her final sacrifice had brought him the life he was building with Sansa. Because if his mother had not gotten sick, if she hadn't collapsed in the Stark's kitchen, he won't have Sansa. He won't have his life as he knew it at all. He told himself he owed it to his mother to focus on the good and try to be happy._

_And for a few months he was happy, but he should've known the happiness built on something so tragic couldn't last forever. He had been working for Thorne for about three months when the bottom dropped out. It was mid-week and Sansa had texted him she was on the way to his apartment. Jon knew something was wrong because they still spent almost all their time together on the weekends. When Sansa had shown up at his apartment she was in tears._

_"Sansa, what's wrong? What happened?" he asked ushering her into his small studio apartment and taking her in his arms._

_Sansa sobbed for a while before she could calm down enough to explain that Catelyn had been diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. The news made his blood run cold. He couldn't stop himself from thinking of Lyanna. He won't wish the feeling of that loss on anyone._

_"I'm sure she'll be alright. They can still do a lot for her. Your mom is a fighter," he had soothed her._

_"She's scheduled for surgery next Friday. I know we were going to go away that weekend, but I want to go home. I have to go home."_

_"Of course. Do you want me to go with you?"_

_"Could you? I'm going to stay the week since it's Spring Break. You don't have to go the whole time."_

_"I'll go for as long as you want me to. You know that. I love your mom too."_

_Sansa stayed the night. She didn't want to be alone and she wanted to be held. Jon was glad she stayed because he hadn't wanted to be alone either. There were too many thoughts about his own mother flooding through him, filling him with feelings of loneliness and anger once more._

_The next week they went back and stayed with the Starks. He tried to help Sansa with her siblings on Saturday and Sunday while her mother was in the hospital, but he felt he was mostly in her way. Jon only stayed the weekend and went back to the city on Monday. He told Sansa he hadn't wanted to be a distraction, and she had been too busy to protest, to tell him he wasn't. But that was only partially true, Thorne had told him when he had left Thursday that he expected him to come with him on a business trip to Milwaukee on Tuesday. He hadn't wanted to tell her that. He didn't want to make her think he was picking work over her. And if he hadn't felt so useless he might have tried harder to stay there, but in the end he decided there was no reason to piss his boss off when it was clear she did not need him. As he sat on the train headed back he told himself repeatedly he hadn't chosen work over her. After all, he would have stayed if she had asked._

_He was in Thorne's office on Thursday. It was near the end of the day and they were discussing a recent proposal Jon had put together when Thorne's secretary buzzed to say Jon was needed at the front the desk. Thorne had looked annoyed at the interruption but waved him off to go, telling him he would see him tomorrow._

_Jon had gone to reception and was greeted by a man that introduced himself as Mr. Pycell. He stated he was an attorney and asked to speak to Jon privately._

_Jon had shown him to a meeting room off of reception. The attorney asked him if he wanted to sit but Jon felt too apprehensive to._

_"I represent your mother," Pycell began._

_"My mother's been dead for more than two years."_

_"Yes, I know. Which is why I am here."_

_"I don't understand."_

_"She hired me shortly after her initial diagnosis. She instructed me to give you the following information once she had been gone for at least two years. She said she wanted you to have time to grieve before you had to deal with this."_

_He took a file folder from his brief case and placed it on the table. His name was written on it, in what he recognized as his mother's script._

_"What is it?"_

_"Honestly I've never read it. She just paid me to hold on to it and make sure you received it when the time had passed. This is my card if you need to contact me for anything further." Pycell placed the card on top of the envelope._

_"Alright. Thank you. Do you need anything else?"_

_"No. Like I said, I don't know what's in there. I hope it's good news though. It was nice to meet you."_

_He showed himself out as Jon stared at the folder. He didn't know what was in there, but he doubted it was good news._

xxxxx

Present

Dinner had been awkward. They had made an attempt at small talk, but there were long periods of silence in which they just chewed their food and avoided looking at each other. They had gone back to the motel and watched tv until they had both drifted off. Neither of them slept well.

The next morning they were up early but were moving slowly. Eventually they grabbed a light breakfast at the café across the street. Despite the lack of sleep, Sansa felt better this morning. The hangover was gone, and she had decided as she lay awake last night that when they got to Albuquerque she was going to lay it on the line and pour her heart out to him. She knew she couldn't go one more night with this weight between them. And she told herself that at least this way if he told her there was no hope for them as a couple, she could purchase a plane ticket and fly home tomorrow.

They set out west. Sansa had insisted on driving. She told Jon it was her turn since he had driven the entire way yesterday, but in truth she wanted something to focus her mind on. Her nerves were getting the better of her the more she started to think about tonight. Jon easily accepted the offer though, he was tired and thought he might be able to sleep some as they drove. In fact, he started to nod off almost immediately.

They had only made it about ten miles out of town when Jon felt the car come to a stop. He woke to see Sansa climbing out of the driver's side. She had gone to the trunk to get her camera. He got out and followed her. He was about to ask her where she was going when he saw a strange sight along the horizon. There was a row of something sticking up out of the field. He hurried to catch up with her.

"What is this?" he asked as he pulled alongside her.

"Cadillac Ranch, I mentioned it last night. The art installation from the seventies."

He vaguely recalled her saying something about it over dinner. When they got closer Jon could see the objects in the ground were cars. Cars covered in layers of spray paint graffiti. Some of them were quite well done. Sansa started clicking away. Taking pictures was always therapeutic for her and she felt some of the tension she had been carrying the past day, release. The more photos she took the lighter she felt.

Jon seemed in awe as he wandered around in the row of cars. Sansa started to snap pictures of him as well. There was something about him in this bright morning light that needed to be captured. He looked more relaxed as well. He picked up a discarded can of spray paint and started to spray the side of one of the cars. Sansa couldn't see what is was since she was on the opposite side of the cars from him. Eventually, she decided she had enough photos and walked over to him as he was finishing up.

For a moment the unspoken tension between them melted in the Texas sun. She stood next to him and looked at what he had sprayed. It appeared to be a tangle of lines.

"What is it?" she asked curiously. "Tumbleweed?" Jon shook his head with a barely audible laugh. "Bad attempt at a Celtic knot?" Sansa asked with a soft laugh.

Jon shook his head again. He had no idea what it was. "I'm clearly no artist," he sighed. They stood regarding the tangle for another minute. "Well, at least someone will come along and cover it up soon enough," he noted as the watched someone else begin to paint on the car next to them. He was glad her attention was now elsewhere. It meant he won't have to tell her what he was really thinking, that being here and drawing that picture had made him realize that there was no permanence to anything.

xxxxxx

They had continued to drive west after that. Jon fell into a deep sleep this time. It was desolate out here, sometimes they were the only car on the road. She drove them on long stretches between the towns and service stations. It was boring, and the landscape wasn't even that pretty. The radio was mostly static with the occasional burst of Tejano music. With nothing to do she had let her mind wander. She knew why she was here, but now she had started to wonder about his reasons for this trip. If he didn't want to use this trip to win her back then why had he asked her to go? What was it that he wanted or needed from her? Her mind ran wild with terrible scenarios. What if he was sick? What if this whole trip was actually so he could tell her goodbye? Was he was running from the law? Maybe he had embezzled from his job. Maybe he had met someone else and was going to get married. What if he wanted this trip to prove his feelings for her were dead so he could move on?

"You are being crazy," she muttered to herself. And then the car shuttered and sputtered. She eased it on to the shoulder just as the engine died. She put it into park and looked at the dashboard. It wasn't overheating, there was no smoke, but then she saw the gas gage pointing at the E. She had let her mind wander too long and had ignored the gas. She was instantly furious with herself. Why did she let him consume her thoughts and reason like this? She got out of the car and slammed the door with an exasperated scream and stormed into the middle of the road.

Jon jolted awake when the door slammed. He woke disoriented and looked around. When his brain finally registered they were stopped and in the middle of nowhere he got out of the car and looked at Sansa standing in the middle of the road. Her head was tripped back, her hands on the back of her head and her eyes closed. The afternoon sun was washing over her, illuminating her skin and lighting up her red hair. She looked beautiful.

He walked over to her and stood next to her, waiting until her eyes opened before he spoke. "So," he began in a teasing voice, "What's going on here?" She turned to him and he saw something in her eyes spark.

Frustration had overwhelmed her and she could no longer hold it in. "Exactly. What IS going on here Jon?" she snapped back.

He knew she was not referring to where they currently found themselves. "I just woke up. So you tell me," he ventured carefully.

"Why did you kiss me the other night?" Jon felt himself pull back in surprise. In response Sansa pushed forward. "Why did you kiss me and then tell Tormund it was a mistake? What do you want from me? Why are we here?"

Jon didn't know what to say. What did she mean he told Tormund it was a mistake to kiss her? He didn't recall saying that. "I – what –" he sputtered and shook his head.

"I heard you. You said I think this is something it's not. So then you tell me, what is this? Why did you ask me to come with you on this trip? I thought you were helping me or you wanted – ugh! Maybe it doesn't matter what I thought." Sansa threw her hands up and began to storm off into the desert. This was not how she had planned to approach this conversation. She was just making a bigger mess of it all. Tears were threatening to spill out. Jon caught up with her and spun her around to face him.

"Sansa…."

"What are we doing Jon? What they point of all of this?" She couldn't help it, she was crying now. It was all too much. She had lost so much in such a short time. Now she was about to lose any hope she still held of a life with him.

"Listen, we were drunk." His words made her cry harder and she tried to shake him off. "Please, please stop," he begged. "I don't know what you think you heard but I never talked to Tormund about kissing you, let alone that it was a mistake." She stopped struggling and looked at him, tears silently sliding down her face. "It's not like I don't still feel things for you. I still care about you." Sansa stared at him and waited for him to go on. He let out a deep breath. "I don't regret kissing you that night, but we both know things are… things are complicated between us."

"Do they always have to be?" she whispered. He released her and she stepped back. She sighed as she read the hesitation on his face. They hadn't had what most people might call an "ugly breakup." There hadn't been violence, she hadn't caught him in bed with someone else, but there had still been pain, and there had been unanswered questions. And now it seemed there were still unresolved feelings just as much for him as there were for her, so what now? What did this all mean?

"No, maybe they don't have to be. But maybe we need to take this slow. We've barely spent time together in the last year, barely spoken. I think we need to try and learn to be friends again before we even think about being anything more than that." He saw the briefest flicker of hope pass across her face. She didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve her. If this was going to work on any level he needed to tell her everything, he was going to need to let her share in his pain once again.

"There's some things I think we should talk about," he went on. But before he could continue they heard a noise in the distance. They broke apart and turned to see a car coming over the horizon. Sansa quickly headed to the road to flag the car down for assistance. Jon watched her go for a moment, and while he hated to admit it, he felt relief wash over him. "You're such an idiot Snow," he mumbled to himself before following after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted a pic collage on tumblr, @jrojoyce, for this chapter. Check it out if you want to see a pic of Cadillac Ranch or know which movie they were watching. Enjoy!


	11. Albuquerque, NM

_Past_

_Jon had gone home that night and only read the cover letter in the folder._

_"Jon,_

_Enclosed is what you always asked me for. The truth about your father. You know my feelings on the issue, but I have decided that it is your right to make the final decision on the matter. You can read the letter or you can destroy it. No matter what you decide, know that I always wanted you. I always loved you._

_Mom."_

_Jon had shuttered at how ominous the letter was. He decided for now he would not proceed with reading the enclosed sealed letter. He knew the information was likely going to wreck him in some way, and right now he felt it was important he be strong and whole for Sansa. She was coming back the day after tomorrow to prepare for the resumption of her classes. His father had waited twenty-three years, he could wait a little longer._

_Sansa came back Saturday and spent the night with him before heading back to her dorm on Sunday. She had been understandably rattled but she was trying to remain optimistic. She said her mother was tired but in good spirits. She voiced concerns that her father seemed far more overwhelmed than she had expected. He loved Cat and his children so much, seeing her so sick and his children so frightened, was tearing him apart. Jon tried to assure her that they would all be ok, that her family would survive this. She told him she planned to withdraw from the internship she had lined up for the summer and go back home to help them. She apologized that she would be leaving him alone in the city. Jon had told her there was no reason to apologize, that he understood. He told her he would try to come visit as work allowed, that they would make it work just like last year. He reminded her it was only a few months, and soon enough they would be back together in the fall._

_He didn't tell her about the letter from his mother. He didn't know yet what was in the letter and he wanted to process it on his own first. Plus he didn't want to add to Sansa's concerns, not now when everything was still so raw from her week at home and she seemed like she might break at any moment._

_She had called him the following Thursday to tell him she needed to spend the upcoming weekend working to complete a project that that she had originally planned to work on over break. He told her he understood and to let him know if she needed anything. He suggested they try to grab dinner mid week instead. She had agreed and thanked him for understanding._

_That Friday night when Jon came home from work he decided it was time to read the letter. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat on his couch gathering his courage. He took the envelope from the folder and stared at. He wondered again if it might be better to just go throw it in the garbage chute. But the idea of not ever knowing the truth seemed worse. After all, hadn't he begged and pleaded for it for years? He took a deep breath and pulled out the long handwritten letter from his mother and began to read._

_"Jon,_

_You have asked me for years to tell you who your father was, and for years I have refused. I know my refusal was to protect you, but I have also come the realization that you will always think I was only protecting myself and that you may come to hate me for that. I cannot go to the grave fearing that, and so selfishly I have written you this letter._

_Let me start by saying that I hope that when this letter finds you, your grandfather is dead. If I could've paid the lawyer to hold on to it till then I would have, but then like so many things in this life, it was not something I could afford._

_This is hard for me to admit; and I'm ashamed to say that when you were conceived your father was married, though that is not why I didn't want to tell you who he was….. So here is the truth that may very well ruin you, though I pray it doesn't. Your father is Rhaegar Targaryen."_

_Jon stopped and started at the name. "Targaryen?" Jon said and repeated the name out loud. How was that possible? Everyone knew the Targaryen name. Their name was on practically every important building in Winter Falls. They had to be one of the richest families in the state, hell maybe the nation. How was this even possible?_

_He began to read again. "I met your father when I was his secretary. Naturally we spent a lot of time together. Eventually he started taking me on his business trips, and well, I allowed the relationship to become less than professional._

_I have to give it to your father though, he was smart, smarter than me. He had set it up so that everyone thought I was seeing one of the other employees, one that was very loyal to him. He said it was for our protection. He said it was best if his father had no idea what was going on between us. He said his father was overbearing and he would interfere, he warned me it wasn't safe for either of us if his father were to find out about us. I dismissed his warnings, I shouldn't have._

_But I did agreed to his plan. I was in love. He was rich and handsome. I was young and naive. He swore at some point he would leave his wife and children and marry me. I shouldn't have, but I wanted that and I believed him. But then his wife found out about the affair. She confronted Rhaegar and demanded he put an end to it. She threatened to expose the affair, as well as any other dirt she had on the family. And trust me, I'm sure she has plenty._

_He told me we would have to break it off for a while, at least until he was able to end his marriage in a suitable manner. He had me transferred to another position. Shortly after that I found out I was pregnant with you. I went to him and told him. He listened in shock but told me he would try to help me. He made me promise not to tell anyone the truth._

_And of course I agreed. I'd have done anything for him then, and he had made it easy to hide the truth. I never confirmed it, but everyone assumed the baby belonged to the man I had been casually "seeing." Rhaegar eventually paid him off and had him transferred out of state. I often wonder if Arthur felt as much of a victim as I did._

_The week before you were born, Rhaegar told me to go to a private hospital in Cleveland. He said if I did he could attend the birth. I did as he asked. But he never made it. I gave birth to you alone, hoping and praying that your father would come soon. That evening I did manage to call him and let him know you had arrived. He promised he would come as soon as possible._

_Sadly he didn't come, but your grandfather, Aerys Targaryen, did. He informed me he had just learned the unfortunate news of his "son's transgression," as he called it, and he was here to solve the problem. He told me I had two options. The first option was that I would omit your father's name from the birth certificate and take a fair payout, Aerys was explicit that I had not just won some lottery by pushing you out. He said it would be enough to buy a house outright and to stay home with you for the first two years if I so choose. He made it clear that if I took the money it was a onetime payment only. If I ever came asking for more there would be "consequences."_

_My second option was that I could try to assert your birthright. I was informed that choosing that option would mean you would be taken from me and raised as a proper Targaryen. I would not be allowed to be part of your life. If I didn't go along with their terms, I was told arrangements could be made to insure my compliance. I was then informed that my decision, whatever it was, would be binding and final. And I had to choose before I left the hospital._

_I was in shock. I demanded to talk to Rhaegar. I was coldly informed that I would never see him again. Aerys informed me he was being relocated to California with his proper family. When I demanded again he informed me that the options he had presented were directly from Rhaegar himself. He was just doing his duty as a father to deliver them to me. I still refused to believe him, and so he let me place a call to Rhaegar. Your father answered, told me to choose wisely and then ended the call._

_I was devastated but I choose to keep you. You were my son and I wanted you. I signed the contract, took the payout, bought the house and raised you._

_When you were five I made a single attempt to contact Rhaegar. I wasn't asking him for anything, but I thought he deserved, and you deserved, to know each other. My attempt resulted in an attorney for Aerys showing up and reminding me of the contract that I had signed. He told me if I continued my effort or if I ever told you or anyone else who your father was, they would ruin my life, and yours. They would make sure I lost you. That was the last and only time I attempted to reach out to your father. It's also the main reason I refused to tell you who he was for so long._

_I'm telling you now though, because you're no longer a child to be taken from me, and I no longer have a life that they can destroy. But I caution you on making contact with your father. Your grandfather is not an understanding or kind man. I'm not sure what his reaction might be, even after all this time._

_I know this must be devastating to hear. But I want you to know I loved you always, and when you were created, I loved your father and I'm certain he loved me. So you my son, are the embodiment of love. Please try to think only of that._

_I'm sorry to lay this at your feet now but I honestly didn't know what to do, I still don't. I just hope that you can forgive me for keeping the secret. I also hope you can forgive me for finally telling you. I pray you do your best to not let this define or ruin you._

_Love always, Your mother"_

_Jon stared at the letter and felt sick. He wished he had never read it. He was furious. How could these people have treated his mother so terribly? These paragons of society were nothing more than thugs and monsters. No wonder his mother had never wanted to share any of this. He wondered why she had remained living in the same city. He wondered if she had held out hope that Rhaegar would return to her one day. The thought made him both sad and angry with both his parents._

_He had a massive headache now. He wanted to call Sansa, but he knew she would drop everything to rush over here and comfort him. He didn't want to put her in that position right now. Not when she was stretched so thin between school and worrying about her own mother. So instead he poured himself another glass of whiskey and told no one._

xxxxxxxx

Present

They had been lucky. The first car that came across them had been a sweet family in a minivan from Santa Fe that was headed to see their grandmother in Amarillo. They agreed to drive them to the nearest service station and back to their car. Sansa felt bad, it was fifty miles round trip and completely out of their way. But they seemed happy to be able to offer help, and they were in no position to refuse. In fact, the father was so nice that he even refused the money Jon offered them. He just told them to pay the kindness forward someday.

The family dropped them back to their car and waited while Jon dumped the five gallons of gas into the tank. Once they were sure the car was going to start, the family bid them farewell and drove away. The gas would be enough to drive back to the service station and fuel up, but the closest station had been east and so they would lose even more time. They got back in the car to head east and the silence between them was heavy.

After ten miles Jon could no longer take it. "Do you want to finish talking about what happened back there?" he asked watching her from the corner of his eye.

"I don't think this is something we should try to talk about while you're driving," she responded as she continued to stare out the side window.

Jon pulled the car over to the side of the road and turned the car off. "I didn't mean stop the car right now," Sansa sighed.

"Well I'm not sure I can just keep driving with all this… I don't know, hostility, between us," Jon said as he gestured between them.

"Jon."

"Ok, hostility might not be the right word, but you know what I mean." He paused and she gave him a nod to go on. "I do want you to enjoy this trip. I know you came with me to get away from things, from all the pain and hurt at home…... I feel bad that it seems to have followed you... I feel even worse that I've been the cause of a lot of it." He looked away and took a long breath, he truly was sorry for all the pain he'd caused her these last couple of days. He was even more sorry for the pain he'd caused her these last several months. He had never intended for the choices he had made to send them in the direction it had. He wondered if she'd understand, if she could forgive him those choices.

"Hey, it's not all your fault," she began. He looked so broken in this moment and it hurt her.

"But it is Sansa, it is."

"Stop, don't do that. We both know you weren't trying to... well, I mean clearly we are both in a heightened emotional state right now. And we have a history of finding comfort in each other at times like this..." They looked at each other for several moments as memories washed over them. Sansa blushed slightly recalling the feel of his hands on her flesh. She looked away so she could continue. "You said earlier we should work on being friends again. I would like that. I've missed having you in my life, I mean really having you. I don't like that we barely speak anymore," she finished. She wasn't planning on letting go of a dream of a life with him, not completely. But she realized she needed to readjust her expectations, at least for right now. She had done quite a bit of thinking as they had rode with that family to get gas. She admitted to herself that it was unrealistic to think they could just pretend that the last year and a half never took place. And really maybe it wasn't the best moment to try and decide their future. She was grieving her family, he was grieving her family and re-grieving his mother. They needed to give themselves time to deal with the emotional fallout of that. She knew that was the smart choice to make even though her heart wanted to protest otherwise.

"Me too," he agreed. He had decided this just wasn't the right time or place to press forward. Not when she looked at him with so much hope. He took her hand and they sat quietly for couple of moments. Sansa gave him a soft smile and nodded. "So, friends?" he asked as he ran his thumb in gentle circles over her knuckles. His tender touch didn't speak of friendship.

"Yes, for now, friends," she agreed giving his hand a slight squeeze. Jon gave her a relaxed smile and nodded. She hadn't realized until then how tense he had been. She was surprised he would think she might refuse the offer. "Well now that that is settled I think we should get moving again," she prompted.

Jon paused for a long moment and then nodded in agreement and released her hand to turn the car back on. They drove to the service station and filled up the tank. By the time they finished eating lunch at the diner attached to the service station, things seemed to have moved unto neutral territory, nearly all of the tension from earlier had ebbed away. It was getting late in the day. They decided they might try to stop in Tucumcari for the night instead of pressing on to Albuquerque as they had originally planned.

Now that things no longer so tense, Sansa liked the idea. She hoped they could stay at the Blue Swallow Motel. She had read about it in the guidebook and thought it would be lovely to photograph. They pulled in as the sun was setting. The building did not disappoint. It was a wonderful shade of pink with blue doors and an amazing neon sign. Sadly all the rooms were booked, so after taking a few pictures they pushed on to Albuquerque.

They found a motel off the interstate and checked in long after ten pm. "God, I'm exhausted," Jon announced as they let themselves in the room.

"Me too. From now on if we get to a quarter, no, a third of a tank I am stopping to fill up."

"Probably a good plan."

Jon yawned as Sansa went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. When she came out Jon went in.

"Do you want to do a full day in Albuquerque tomorrow?" Jon asked once they had crawled into their beds.

"I would. And we'll need two or three days in Arizona at least. I want to see the Grand Canyon."

"Alright. Well we better get to sleep then, sounds like we have some long days ahead of us. Goodnight Sansa."

"Goodnight Jon," she told him and then flipped the light off and settled in to sleep.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

They awoke early and discussed over breakfast their plan for the day. They decided they would spend tonight here as well and head out towards Arizona early the following day.

They spent the morning taking in some of the historical sites around the city, including walking around the Fourth Street Historic District near downtown. On the way to lunch near Civic Plaza, they saw an old sign advertising a Breaking Bad tour. They had exchanged knowing glances and quickly agreed that was how they wanted to spend part of the afternoon. Over lunch they used their phones to plot a course. It was the first time in a couple of days Sansa had felt a sense of true excitement. Jon was a fan of the show but it held special meaning to Sansa. It was the one of the things that she associated with started to fall in love with him.

As they went on their self-guided tour Sansa thought back to that winter weekend of her freshman year of high school when they had binge watched the show together. Ned and Catelyn had taken Bran and Rickon to a ski resort up north as part of their Christmas present. A massive weather front had hit the lower half of the state. The lake effect snow had sprung up quickly, snowing Jon in at the Starks in a matter of hours on that Friday afternoon. Lyanna had called Ned and Catelyn, they had agreed Jon needed to stay put and not risk the drive back home until the weather broke and the roads were cleared.

Normally it won't have been that big of a deal, he had spent plenty of snowbound nights at the Starks over the last ten years. But he, Theon and Robb had been planning on attending a massive party at Michigan State that weekend. And Robb and Theon refused to let the weather deter their plan. Jon was skittish about going when his mother explicitly had told him to stay at the Starks till the storm was over. Robb and Theon had called him a mama's boy and all sorts of names. He was just about to relent and agree to go when the power had gone out.

Sansa and Arya sat at the dining room table using a lantern and the fading winter daylight to play checkers while the boys had argued a few feet away in the kitchen.

"We can't just leave your sisters here alone in the dark and the cold," Jon argued. "Your parents were rather clear you are in charge of them."

"Yeah Robb, he's right. Hey Sansa, want to come with us? You ever been to a college party?" Theon leered. He had been leering at her ever since last summer when she'd finally hit a C cup.

Arya shot him a dirty look on Sansa's behalf. "Leave them alone. And we are not taking either of them anywhere. If I wanted to babysit I'd stay here with them," Robb said.

"We don't need a babysitter. Go to your dumb party already," Arya huffed. "But just so you know, if you crash I'm not helping cover it up."

"Stop eavesdropping squirt," Theon ordered.

"Stop being mean to them," Jon ordered. "They didn't make the blizzard." He saw Arya stick her tongue out at Theon before turning back to the game.

"So are you coming or not? Theon's truck has four wheel drive. He made it here alright. We'll be fine, we'll just drive slow."

Sansa had watched him and she remembered he looked at her and Arya before answering. "I'm not going. Call me whatever you want, but I'm not taking the risk. And I'm not leaving them here by themselves either."

"Suit yourself lame ass," Theon responded. He and Robb left shortly after that. Sansa decided to go take some photos before it got completely dark. Jon took her spot playing Arya. The power had come back on an hour later.

While she had been outside Arya had talked Jon in to a "Breaking Bad" marathon. Arya told Sansa to join them. Sansa had reservations, she thought the show might be too mature for Arya. Arya had rolled her eyes and told her sister to stop being a killjoy and let them enjoy a parent free weekend. If Robb could do as he pleased, why couldn't they? She had looked to Jon to be the voice of reason to Arya, but he clearly was siding with her sister and had just shrugged. She recalled feeling a bit jealous at how they were so close and seemed to have each other's backs. She hadn't wanted to be left out though, so she relented.

After that the three of them had hunkered down in the basement, eating junk food and binge watching "Breaking Bad" on Netflix. Sansa found she liked the show. She still thought it was too mature for Arya, but her sister didn't seemed phased by anything on the screen. Arya had fallen asleep around midnight, basically leaving Sansa alone with Jon. They didn't talk much the first night, other than agreeing time and again they would watch just "one more episode." Before they realized it they had stayed up until five in the morning watching the show.

They had slept for a few hours before starting the marathon again. Arya seemed to have lost interest but she watched some episodes with them anyways, not wanting to let Sansa think she'd been right. She fell asleep Saturday night much the same as she had Friday. Jon and Sansa stayed up and this time they talked as they watched. They debated Walter White and the morality of his choices. They talked about what Jesse should do. They were some of the longest conversations they had ever had. Sansa felt like she was actually getting to know him for the first time. Admittedly she had quite a bit of respect for him due to the way he had obeyed his mother and stuck up for her and Arya. So by the time she woke up late Sunday morning, he was no longer just Robb's hot friend. He had become "Jon" and she was smitten.

The day in Albuquerque and the reminder of the past seemed to place a strong salve on the wound that had appeared in Oklahoma City. She knew things were far from fixed, but at least they were back to being friends and the ease from the first days of this trip seemed to have settled back in. When they ate dinner that night they talked and laughed, the tension of the prior days now seemed like a distant memory. However, when they went to bed that night Sansa couldn't help but lay awake and wish, much as she had in her basement years ago, that this might eventually be the start of something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we are starting unravel Jon's deal in the past. There is quite a bit I want to say on it, however I am probably going to wait so as not to give away anything...... so viva la angst. 
> 
> Anyways, I did love "Breaking Bad" back in the day, so I felt like they couldn't be in ABQ and not give a shout out to it. Also, as ridic as the snowed in thing might be, it's actually inspired by something that happened to me in high school. Only it was just me and my best friend, there was no hot boy involved and we were actually rather annoyed with the whole thing, lol. 
> 
> Also, there's a photo collage over on tumblr if you want to see The Blue Swallow Motel sign. I'm at @jrojoyce.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	12. Eastern Arizona

_Past_

_Saturday morning Jon woke up late and with a significant hangover. The first thing he did was re-read his mother's confession. He still couldn't comprehend it. Furthermore, he couldn't understand how she had managed to stay in that city all those years, being confronted repeatedly by the Targaryen name, without losing her mind. Maybe that was it, maybe the letter was the confession of a cancer addled brain that had latched on to the name and nothing more. But then he had to admit, that while he recognized the name and knew of the company, he knew very little about the actual family. And his mother seemed to have details. Maybe it wasn't a flight of fancy. He decided he needed to google Rhaegar and Aerys Targaryen. When Rhaegar's picture came up Jon recognized him immediately as the strange man from the back of the funeral, it was all the confirmation he needed to know his mother's claim was true._

_Jon started to read the pages of information. Rhaegar was in his mid-fifties now. He still lived in California with his wife. He had two other children. He still worked for Targaryen Enterprises. There were rumors he might run for political office in the next election, which would take him out of the family business. Jon couldn't stop looking at the man's picture, trying to find himself there. But the longer he searched the less he could see. He truly was his mother's son in every way it seemed._

_He still couldn't wrap his head around the news. He was a Targaryen. Part of the Targaryens that all but ran Winter Falls. The name was on the convention center there, on the local arena where he had walked for his high school graduation. The Targaryen Grand Hotel was where he and Robb had attended prom. Nothing major happened in the city that Targaryen Enterprises didn't have a hand in. He recalled they were the main sponsors of the local fall arts festival. A festival that Sansa had displayed her work at just last fall. He remembered how excited and honored she had been that they would display one of her photos. Hell, he had even gotten a five hundred dollar scholarship from their foundation which had helped pay for his books freshman year. It disturbed him deeply to think that even though they had cast him off, they had still managed inadvertently to weave themselves into his life over the years. In that moment he couldn't imagine going home and being confronted by that name, a name that had threatened his mother and forcibly been denied to him._

_He kept reading. Aerys was still alive as well. Although he was nearly eighty, he was still heavily involved with TE and showed no signs of planning to relinquish control to the next generation. He found several articles touting the charitable works of the Targaryen Foundation. Jon felt his agitation bloom into anger when he came across an old photo of his father and grandfather outside the hospital in Winter Falls, dedicating a cancer ward named for his newly discovered grandmother, Rhaella, who had succumbed several years ago to the disease. It was the same cancer ward that had failed to save his mother. It made him sick to his stomach with rage the more he thought about it._

_He wasn't sure what to do with the information. It seemed from Lyanna's letter that his father wanted nothing to do with him. He knew he existed after all, and yet had made no attempt to contact him, not even after Lyanna had died. The man knew he was all alone in the world now and yet had not cared._

_He desperately wanted to see Sansa then, wanted to tell her everything. He wanted her to hold him close, to hear her say none of it mattered, that he was who he was and that she loved him, father be damned._

_But he also knew he shouldn't bother her. He knew the project she was working on that weekend was important and counted for a large part of her grade. He decided to wait._

_When Sunday night came he texted her to "check in." She had responded an hour later. She told him she was stressed and thanked him for being so understanding, for giving her the time to get her work done and not making her feel bad about it. He told himself he shouldn't feel disappointed. But he did, he had hoped she would've said she missed him and he should come over. But she hadn't, and he had not wanted to add to her stress, and this was not something to discuss via text message. So he decided to keep the secret for another night._

_He even managed to hold it in a couple more days, but eventually the need to share the pain became too much. So after work on Wednesday he headed to her dorm. He was about half way there when his phone rang. It was Sansa, he felt comforted knowing she must have sensed he needed her. But when he answered the phone he was greeted by hysterical sobs. He felt a wave a nausea wash over him as he came to a stop on the sidewalk._

_"Sansa? Sansa baby, what is it? Please, please tell me what's wrong," he pleaded._

_"They don't think they got it all, they want to do more surgery," she wailed. "Please come. I need you, please Jon, please."_

_"I'm on my way. Is Margaery there?" he asked doing his best to try and comfort her as he began to move forward._

_"Yes. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm not handling this better," she sobbed. "I'm – it's – I should be there. I should be there. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He could hear her gasping for air._

_"Breathe baby. Just breathe and hold on. I'll be right there."_

_They got off the phone and Jon sprinted the rest of the way to her. He spent the next couple of hours calming her down. Listening to her fears for her mother, lamenting the fact that there was nothing she could do and how she felt powerless from where she was. Jon assured her she was doing all she could and that everything would work out whether she was here in Chicago or there at home. It made him think of all the things he had told himself in the two weeks after his mother's seizure. His voice caught a couple of times as he tried to push the thought that he had been so terribly wrong as far from his mind as possible._

_Eventually Sansa had calmed down and now they sat on her bed leaning into each other. "How'd you get here so fast?" she asked as she nervously threaded their fingers together over and over._

_"I was on the way here when you called," Jon admitted._

_"You were? Why?"_

_"Yeah….. I just needed to see you." Jon felt his voice waiver again and prayed she didn't notice. But she did and she lifted her head and looked at him. Her face was still blotchy and her eyes red rimmed. He saw worry and alarm fill her eyes._

_"Is everything alright? I mean with you, are you ok?" She felt so selfish. Here he was being wonderful, comforting her and listening to all her fears. and she had failed until this moment to think about how this affected him. He had to be thinking about Lyanna, and he loved Catelyn as well. How had she failed to see how broken by this he was until tonight?_

_Jon took in her expression, saw the new batch of tears threatening. He did not want to add to her distress, not tonight. "I just meant that I missed you. And maybe I felt it…. felt you might need me."_

_"Oh, but this has to be bringing up thoughts of your -"_

_"I'm fine…. and I don't….. I don't want to talk about her…. My mom… that was different... Anyways, we need to just think positive thoughts for your mom right now."_

_"You're right," Sansa sighed and laid her head back on his shoulder._

_Jon closed his eyes. He knew he shouldn't, but he felt a hint of disappointment and annoyance that she hadn't seen his pain the same way he saw hers. He instantly felt guilty and selfish for even thinking such a thing. And then a worse thought settled on his mind. If he could feel something like that right now, if he could be so selfish, perhaps he was more of a Targaryen than he first thought._

xxxxxxxx

Present

They set out long before the sunrise the following morning. They grabbed donuts and coffee at a drive thru before heading off down the interstate. They would be going "off route" today. Sansa wanted to see the Petrified Forest and the Painted Desert. It was rather ambitious, because even if they drove straight without stopping, it would be five hours to Winslow, which was where they planned to stop for the night.

"Are you sure we are going to be able to do all this today?" Jon asked as they re-entered the freeway after stopping for fuel in Gallup.

"Are you doubting my planning skills?" Sansa asked in a mock offended tone.

"Hardly. I think I'm questioning my energy levels."

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I'm fine." He opened his newly purchased can of Red Bull and smiled at her as he tossed it back.

"Fine then, but if you change your mind just pull over."

"Aye Aye captain."

Sansa rolled her eyes and was unable to suppress her smile. She was glad that the peace they had found yesterday had carried on into today. She knew Jon could get inside his own head quite easily, and she had worried he might change his mind overnight about the direction they were taking this.

They reached the Petrified Forest around nine am. Upon arrival it became clear that they were not prepared for the outing. It was a place mainly meant for hikers, but they decided to walk the Crystal Forest Trail regardless of the lack of proper footwear. It was less than a mile total and worth the trek.

After that they enjoyed the visitor's center and the areas that they could drive. Sansa was still able to capture some good photos. She even surrendered the camera to a stranger so they could take a picture of her and Jon together on one of the overlooks.

"OK, so before we go to the Painted Desert I think we need to make a stop to get some proper gear," Sansa said. Jon raised an eyebrow. "Ok, hiking boots at least."

"Probably a good idea, but do we have time?"

"Yes, plenty. Everything I read said its best seen at sunset anyways."

They drove into Holbrook and found a thrift store. The store was run by an older woman that Sansa surmised had once been a hippie. She had waist length grey hair and was dressed in a loose boho top and skirt. She regarded them with some interest as they joked around and tried on odd hats and jackets. Sansa even heard the woman chuckle when she held up a shirt she thought they should buy for Theon that read, "My Indian name is Runs with Beers." Eventually Jon went off to try on some clothes and the woman approached her.

"So what brings you in?" she asked. She seemed like a sweet woman. She was probably lonely. Sansa had noted they were still the only customers after nearly twenty minutes in the store.

"Passing through. We wanted to stop at the Painted Desert but realized we lack proper footwear," Sansa answered waving her sandaled foot around.

"Where you coming from?"

"Upper Midwest, this was kinda a spur of the moment trip."

"You're a long way from home for something so spur of the moment," the woman observed. Sansa didn't answer. She didn't want to explain to a stranger that she had fled a funeral with her ex-boyfriend. "Are you planning on camping?" the woman pressed on when it had become clear Sansa had no intention of clarifying what they were doing so far from home.

"No, we were going over to Winslow tonight."

"That'd be a waste. You should camp in the desert. The sunrise is amazing."

"We don't have any equipment."

"I'll lend you mine. Doesn't get much use anymore." A sad look crossed the woman's face before she continued on. "Camping's good for couples. Something about two people just being together out in nature that-"

"Oh, we're not….. we're just friends."

The woman looked at her doubtfully and then laughed. "Are you sure?" Sansa gave the woman an uncomfortable smile. "Well then," she went on. "Camping will fix that. A night under the stars together, nothing's more romantic."

"It's not that….." she began and then stopped. She didn't need to explain anything to this stranger. Jon came out of the dressing room in the back of the store and caught her eye. He seemed to notice her odd expression and gave her a questioning look. She smiled and shook her head.

"I'll help you out," the woman said. She seemed to take Sansa's hesitation as shyness. Before Sansa could stop her she had marched over to Jon and asked him his thoughts about camping out in the desert tonight.

"It'll be much cheaper than Winslow and we are still having fairly warm nights. You should take advantage," she told him. Jon looked to Sansa for assistance. He wasn't sure why this woman felt the need to insert herself into their sleeping arrangements.

"Well, what are your thoughts?" Jon asked knowing Sansa would have a polite way to decline the offer.

Jon had no way to know she had already been thinking over the woman's suggestion. Perhaps it would do them good. She had felt rather connected to him after that night in the campground in Missouri, maybe this could move them back towards that. "Were you serious earlier when you said you would lend us your camping equipment? For free?" Sansa asked the woman.

"As a heart attack."

Jon was staring at them both wide eyed. "Don't we need a permit?" he ventured. He wasn't sure why but he felt nervous at the idea of them camping out. Maybe it was that everything seemed so much more remote out here, so wide opened and exposed.

"I'll give you one of those as well, but really the rangers rarely check."

"Sansa?"

"I say we do it. It'll be like when we were kids, or like Hannibal."

"Alright…." Jon was utterly confused as to why she was agreeing to this, but he noted she actually seemed happy at the idea. He decided he would go along with it, perhaps it won't be so bad.

"I keep everything in the shed by my trailer out back. Go get your car and bring it around."

Jon paused and looked at Sansa again. She nodded, assured him it would be fun and that she would wait right here. The car was the next block over so it would take him a few minutes. He paid for their boots and some clothing and headed out to get the car.

"You'll thank me later," the woman said as soon as the door closed.

"Can I ask why you seem so invested in this? Do you work for the tourism office? Because no one likes camping that much."

"You two remind me of my husband and me. We were originally from northern California. We decided one day we hated the crowds and the expenses, so we just hit the road in a beat up VW bus. We drove down the coast and then headed east. We slept in the bus, or in a tent outside when we could find a place. It was crazy and stupid, yet it was one of the best times in our marriage. The bus broke down in Winslow. That was forty five years ago."

"That all sounds very romantic, but we're not married. We aren't on a romantic getaway."

The woman shrugged as if none of that mattered. Sansa wanted to ask this woman so many questions, but another customer finally entered the store and she lost her chance. By the time the other customer left Jon had come back with the car and the woman showed them the shed with the gear.

"Now will you be wanting one sleeping bag or two?" she said slyly.

"Two," Sansa answered before Jon could. She wasn't sure why she blurted out like that. She didn't think he would answer differently. Perhaps she wanted to set his mind at ease and assure him she was respecting their newly set boundaries.

They loaded up the gear and said goodbye. The woman's only request was that they return the gear before they left the area.

"So you're sure about this?" Jon asked as they got in the car.

"Why not? It saves us a night in another horrible motel and I can get some sunrise photos as well."

Jon regarded her, he doubted it was worth suffering a night on the ground in the cold just for some pictures, but if it made her happy he would do it.

xxxxxxx

"How is it possible there are more stars here than there were in Missouri?" Sansa asked as they lay on the hood of the car.

"Less light pollution here… That's how you can tell we are truly in the middle of nowhere now." They lay watching the sky in silence for a few minutes before Jon spoke again. "You know who would love this?" Sansa turned and looked at him. "Bran. Didn't your dad buy him a telescope last Christmas?" He felt a pang of guilt when he thought he saw her wince. But she said nothing and he wondered if maybe it had just been a trick of the moonlight.

"He did. He got in trouble several times for crawling up on to the roof to use it. Mom said he was going to slip on the ice and break his neck one day." She managed to choke back the sob that was trying to crawl out of her throat as she remembered them. They lay quietly after that watching the clear dark sky.

"I'm cold, we should turn in," she said several minutes later as she got up and headed towards the tent. Jon followed and they crawled into their sleeping bags.

"Goodnight," she said and turned on her side away from him. He knew by her silence earlier that he'd upset her, but it was clear she didn't want to discuss it now. Jon sighed and turned on his side away from her.

After a couple of minutes he thought better of it. "Hey, I'm sorry if bringing up Bran earlier upset you somehow. It wasn't my intent." There was no response and after a moment he flipped over to say more and saw that her shoulders were shaking and she had pulled the pillow over her head.

He got out of his sleeping bag and crawled in hers, removing the pillow as he did. "Why are you crying?" he asked as he gathered her to him.

"I can't say it, it's too terrible. I'm terrible."

"Nothing you can say is going to make me think you're terrible."

"This would."

"I doubt it. Just tell me…. otherwise I'll start thinking it's about me," he said in a lame attempt to lighten the moment.

"Sometimes… sometimes I think, just for like a split second, and I don't mean it, not at all… but sometimes I wonder if it might have just been better…. Easier….. well maybe…. Oh god I am the worse," she sobbed.

"Sansa," he soothed as he stroked her hair and back. He was starting to worry what she might want to say. She wasn't one to exaggerate, so for her to be reacting like this, well it was starting to concern him.

"I wonder if it won't have been better if Bran had just died with them," she finally blurted out and then began to sob uncontrollably into his chest.

He held her while she sobbed and waited until she was cried out before he spoke. "It doesn't make you terrible. Honestly, you're probably not alone in that thought. When I heard the news, it made me think how I would feel if something like that happened to me. Would I want to live paralyzed? And we still don't know if he has brain damage. I know you think it makes you selfish but it's not like you mean it, I think it's a normal reaction to not want people to suffer, to want things to be normal."

"Really? Or are you just saying that so I don't feel bad."

"It's the truth. It really made me think."

"And what did you decide?"

"It doesn't matter, but Bran is in for a rough road. We all are." Sansa noted that he said we. She told herself not to read too much into that one word, but she had heard it all the same. They lay quietly for a while after that. Sansa was exhausted, but she didn't want him leaving her sleeping bag, in fact she was clinging tightly to him. He didn't seem inclined to leave her though. He was holding her back just as tightly. She wondered for a moment if they would really be able to go back to their separate lives after this trip. The thought brought her equal measures of pain and comfort.

"Please don't tell anyone I ever said that," she whispered. Her voice was heavy with sleep.

"Never."

"Promise me," she murmured.

"You have my word," he replied. He only had to wait a moment for her breathing pattern to confirm she was asleep, and then he allowed himself to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can check out some photos of the petrified forest over in the collage on tumblr. It actually can be quite beautiful.


	13. Northern Arizona

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter and you didn't have to wait a week! I want to dedicate this update to all the lovely readers that have commented on this story, but especially those that commented last chapter. I honestly was feeling a bit down about this story as of late and your amazing comments made me realize I might have been in a self created funk. (A writer getting in their own head - who'd have thunk it.) Anyways, thank you for totally re-light my passion on it, it was much needed. So again, thank you!

_Past_

_The back half of the semester crawled by. Sansa checked on her mother via phone almost daily. Catelyn put up a brave front for her, but Sansa knew from Arya that her mother was miserable most of the time, their father stressed and pushed to the limits. The Starks were comfortably well off, but they were not rich, and with two kids in college, three come the fall, and the need to keep up their health insurance, Ned couldn’t exactly retire or take leave to help his wife. Arya said she was doing her best to help, but she wasn’t exactly made to be a caretaker. Furthermore, she had lost all patience with Bran and Rickon’s constant bickering. Sansa knew her brothers were acting out because they were scared, but she also knew her sister was not a hand holder. Arya lamented more than once how all of this was ruining her senior year. Sansa felt for her and let her complain. She understood the frustration and fear that came with watching someone you care about suffer from something that could kill them. After all, she had watched Lyanna die her senior year and this was much closer to home._

_Robb was back in the state but away at law school. He was also busy planning his wedding. Arya thought their brother should be doing more since he was now less than two hours away. Arya constantly complained that he was hiding from responsibility and being selfish. Sansa tried not to be as hard on him. She understood what it was like to be away. She knew he felt bad he couldn’t do more. Plus Robb, as the firstborn, had always been doted on and catered to. He was used to things being made easy for him, be given what he wanted. Arya however could not keep her feelings to herself. When Robb refused to come home for a weekend to help out because he and Jeyne had to fly out to finalize their wedding plans, Arya had taken him to task. Robb became defensive, telling Arya she didn’t understand the world yet. He argued that his wedding would give their mother something to look forward to, something to live for. Sansa knew Catelyn had repeatedly told Robb to push forward with the wedding. Sansa also knew her mother feared that if he did postpone, that she might not get to see him marry. She told Sansa this in confidence. It was something she had not told Arya. And when Sansa decided to try and share it so Arya might understand, she had just accused her of trying to cover for Robb. By late April Arya and Robb were barely speaking to each other. Sansa did her best to try and keep the peace but it was wearing on her. It was to the point that nearly every conversation with her siblings ended with her hanging up the phone and bursting into tears. Cancer was killing her mother and destroying her family. She just kept telling herself that things would get better when she was home and could take some of the stress off everyone._

_Jon seemed like he was trying to be a dutiful boyfriend. He listened to her complain and vent about her siblings. If he was around, he held her when she cried so hard she couldn’t breathe. But she had started to notice that he had become quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Due to his job, and the amount of time he spent travelling for it, they were seeing each other less. And while they made an effort to talk on the phone regularly, it wasn’t lost on Sansa that their conversation had become shorter. She blamed herself, her life had been concentrated down to class, cancer and stress. Some days she didn’t even like to hear herself talk about it. They did try their best to maintain their Sunday dates, but as the semester was drawing to a close, between her class projects and his job it got more and more difficult. Sansa attributed his distance to her mother’s illness and his memories of Lyanna. She knew this was hard on him but he never talked about it. She feared he was holding it all in. She knew from Jon that he had had a rough time that first semester back, but anytime she tried to ask him about his current state of mind, he said was fine and then change the subject or told her he was too tired to get into it._

_It wasn’t a complete lie. He had gotten extremely busy with work.  Thorne was proving with each passing day what a demanding and unreasonable man he was. He started treating Jon more like his personal assistant than a junior account manager. He made him travel with him more frequently. At first Jon resented it, but then he realized it also kept his mind off his troubles. It allowed him to push off dealing with his feelings about Catelyn’s illness and the news of his father. He missed Sansa but there was a wall slowly building between them and soon she was going back home. As much as he didn’t like it, all of this was just prepping him for how the summer would feel without her._

_On the Friday of the first full week in May he found himself sitting at Sansa’s desk desperately trying to finish a report for Thorne as Sansa and Margaery whirled around their room packing. Margaery was leaving tomorrow. A bunch of them were going out tonight to celebrate the end of the year. Jon and Sansa planned to spend tomorrow together, just the two of them. Sansa was going home on Sunday. Ned was coming to pick her up. She and Jon were to have lunch with him before they left. But first he had to get this report emailed to Thorne._

_“Sucks you won’t be able to come to Atlanta this summer,” Margaery mused as she wrapped dishes in newspaper._

_“I know, but Arya will murder me if I tell her she has to take care of Bran and Rickon so I can go on vacation.”_

_“Tell her if she murders you, she’ll just have to take care of them full time.” Sansa shot Margaery a look. “What? It’s the truth.”_

_“There’s always next summer, or maybe even winter break,” Sansa said._

_“I guess……. Hey! Maybe I could come up for Fourth of July?” Margaery suggested._

_“Actually, that could be fun,” Sansa said. “My dad said the botanical garden is going to host some big gala this year. There’ll be a private fireworks display, they’re saying it’ll rival the city’s. I’ll ask if he can get us tickets.”_

_Jon had stopped working and was listening to the girls. At the mention of the botanical garden he cringed. The Targaryen Botanical Gardens. He had read the press release. The party was to dedicate the new sculpture exhibit. Aerys would be there. There was no way in hell he was going to that. He wasn’t even sure he would go back to Winter Falls at all this summer. It was something he had yet to tell Sansa. He realized then that Margaery was trying to talk to him._

_“What? Sorry, was thinking about this report.”_

_“I said, aren’t you going to be then? Would you be ok if I was there too?”_

_“Why would I care –“ Margaery gave him a saucy look and raised her eyebrows. “One, we would all be in her parents’ house and two, I think we could keep our hands off each other for your visit.” Jon rolled his eyes and turned back to his laptop._

_“Maybe you can resist. But if this was my woman I’m not sure I could,” Margaery laughed as she slapped Sansa’s ass._

_“Oh my god!” Sansa squealed. “You can’t act like this if you come! My parents still think you are some demure southern belle!”_

_“Alright, I’ll behave. I can’t have them finding out the truth and banning you from living with me next fall. Not with The Buckingham placement. God, we got so lucky on that one,” Margaery said as she went back to boxing up the tiny kitchenette._

_Her words made Jon stop typing and he turned around. Sansa was looking at Margaery horrified, her face turning bright red. Margaery looked at her. “What?” she asked and then she noticed Jon looking at her. “Oh fuck,” she said. Sansa swallowed but won’t look at him. “I’m going to go….. take the trash out and then look for more boxes. Maybe call Loras……..” Margaery grabbed her keys and fled out the door without taking the garbage bag._

_“So, you’re living with Margaery in the fall….” Jon began._

_“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I meant to talk to you about it. I mean, I know you and I talked about moving in together a long time ago…. but that was before…. and well, we haven’t….. Shit. Jon, I’m sorry,” she began._

_“I guess I should’ve brought it up again, I shouldn’t have assumed. I just thought…. I don’t know what I thought I guess.” He was trying not to be angry with her. But a little voice in his head started to hiss. It was the same voice that had started to hiss the day he read the letter from his mother. The voice hated him, it was full of nothing but self-doubt and negativity. Now the voice hissed that she was tossing him away, that he was undesirable to yet another person. That this proved again that he was someone that could just be disregarded and forgotten._

_“This is all my fault,” Sansa apologized. “I should’ve brought it up earlier. You shouldn’t have found out like this.”_

_“I should probably finish this report. Maybe I should just go home tonight,” he said turning back to the laptop._

_“What?! No, we need to talk about this.”_

_He spun back and looked at her. The anger was seeping out now. “Now? Now you want to talk about it? Convenient.”_

_“What the hell Jon. I said it was my fault. I’m sorry, I am. I meant to talk to you about it. But the deadline was approaching, and you’re always gone or tired. And I thought we should discuss it in person. I know I fucked up by not talking about it with you before, but…. But you know my brain is kinda fried with everything.” She was getting ready to cry. She was leaving in less than two days. She did not want this to be how they parted. And she really had meant to discuss it with him, it was just that the timing never seemed right and the deadline had come up quicker than she expected. And she hadn’t wanted to leave Margaery stranded, not when Margaery had been her rock these last few weeks. She was the one that crawled in bed with Sansa in the night when she cried. She had been here more than Jon. She hated to admit it, but this may have been a passive aggressive swipe at his recent distance._

_Jon saw the tears threatening in her eyes and he felt his anger ebb just a bit. This was Sansa after all. Sweet wonderful Sansa, who loved him. Why was he treating her like she was intentionally trying to hurt him? “Ok, ok, I’m sorry. You’re right. Let’s sit and talk about it.”_

_“Thank you,” she sniffed and crossed the room to sit on her bed. Jon moved to sit opposite of her on Margaery’s bed. “I know you told me months ago that you thought I should live with you next fall and I said I liked the idea.” Jon nodded. “But then all this stuff happened with my mom, and you have been so busy with work. Margaery still really wanted to live together, and the more I thought about it, well I don’t want to be all alone in your apartment if you are going to be travelling all the time. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before I finalized the decision. Honestly I thought maybe you had backed off the idea as well since you never brought it back up.”_

_It hurt to hear the frustration in her voice, but she was making him feel like this was his fault and he didn’t like that. “I never said you had to live with me, I said I wanted you too,” he began. “Anyways, I was trying to give you space to process all the other stuff going on.” It came out a bit rougher and harsher than he meant it to and he saw her cheeks flush._

_“I’m sorry, I should’ve just told you. It was just hard finding the right time.” There was an undercurrent to her words._

_“Because I’m gone all the time. I get it,” he said returning the undercurrent._

_“I didn’t….. please don’t be mad. When I come back, we’ll still be in the same city. It’ll still be good. I don’t want to go home Sunday with you so angry. That won’t be good for us.” She started to cry then. He instantly felt terrible, why couldn’t he just accept her apology? Especially since he knew she had a point. He would be gone a lot if the current trend at work continued. It made no sense for her to commute to class and then be alone in the apartment. She was better off living with Margaery, at least for next year. And she was right, they would be in the same city, things would carry on as they had. He hated to admit it but he was angry she was leaving, that she was going someplace he didn’t want to have anything to do with. And then he felt like shit for feeling like that, she was going home to take care of her mother. He should understand that need more than anyone. God what was wrong with him?_

_He got off the bed and sat down next to her and pulled her against him. “Stop crying, please. I’m sorry too. I think I’m just on edge about you leaving. I hate us being apart. And it was a shock I guess. I should not have just assumed we would live together when we hadn’t really discussed it recently. That’s on me.”_

_“Are you sure you’re not still pissed? It’s ok if you are. Just tell me how to fix it.”_

_“It’ll be fine. We’ll be fine. Maybe we can see each other at Memorial Day,” he offered trying to comfort her. She continued to cry. “I love you, you know that right?” he added. She finally stopped crying and nodded. He pushed her hair back behind her ear and she flung her arms around him and told him again how sorry she was and how much she loved him. Jon held her and stroked her hair and told her everything would be alright. But the voice hissed on. Reminding him that he was the wronged party here and yet he was the one comforting her. It reminded him that she was still leaving him, that she had made decisions without him. That she was doing what was best for her without any regard for him, just like his father._

 

xxxxxx

 

Present

 

Sansa awoke as the eastern edge of sky began to lighten just the slightest. She and Jon were tangled together in the sleeping bag. She could tell by his breathing he was still heavily asleep. She slowly extricated herself without waking him, no small feat given the small space she was working with.

 

Once free she pulled on a sweatshirt and grabbed her camera. She left the tent and was greeted by the desert. The sight was breathtaking. Silver, gold, pink, purple, orange and blue all played across the land and sky. As the light became brighter the colors changed and danced. Sansa knew it was a sight she would never forget as long as she lived. She had snapped numerous photos but eventually she set the camera aside and just took in the scene.

 

She raised the camera again to line up a couple of shots for when the sun crested over the top of the cliff on the eastern horizon. But she stopped when she felt Jon’s arms encircle her waist from behind, his face hovering over her shoulder. She didn’t startle, though she should have since she had not heard him approaching. “This is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen,” he whispered in awe. He said nothing further as she lowered the camera and melted back into him, relishing the warmth of his body against hers. They stood together letting the light of a new day wash over them.

 

After several minutes he slowly released her. She turned to face him with a questioning look. He flushed before answering her unspoken question. “I’m sorry, I think I got a bit swept up in how amazing it all looked,” he said. He gently pushed some of her hair back from her face.

 

“It was amazing. I’m glad it was something we could see together.” She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth the tiniest bit searched his eyes. They held each other’s gaze for a few breaths but he made no move to kiss her or draw her closer.  

 

“Alright then,” she said quietly and then gave him a slight tight smile before heading back towards the tent.

 

He ran his hands through his sleep creased hair and shook his head at himself to clear it. Perhaps he shouldn’t have held her like that, but he had gotten swept up. When he had come out of the tent and saw her facing east, the golden morning light playing in her hair, the red bleeding into the surrounding desert, he had been unable to resist the urge to wrap himself around her. He had just wanted to feel at one with her while they took in something so beautiful. When she had melted back into him though, it made him question why he had insisted they take it slow, but he had stopped himself from acting on the impulse.

 

He headed back towards the tent where Sansa was rolling up one of the sleeping bags. “I’m glad we did the camping. You made a good choice,” he said reaching in to pull out the other bag.

 

“Me too,” she agreed as she glanced back at the rising sun.

 

The finished tearing down the campsite and loading it in the car so they could head back to Holbrook to drop off the borrowed supplies. The store was not opened yet, in fact the whole town still seemed to be asleep. They left the tent and bags under the woman’s porch as she had instructed, and then hit the road.

 

They drove west towards Flagstaff. The earlier awkwardness seemed to burn away as the sun rose higher in the sky. Sansa drifted off to sleep and woke shortly after they had passed through Winslow. “I’m starving,” she yawned.

 

“We out of granola bars?”

 

“Yeah, I ate the last one last night. We would not survive very long in the wilderness.”

 

“Well you might have to wait until Flagstaff. I think we just went through the last major town.” Sansa’s stomach gave a loud grumble in response. “Well then,” he added with a laugh. She pouted and stared out the window.

 

Fifteen minutes later they started to see signs for a reservation casino. “They’ll have food. Stop there,” she ordered.

 

“A casino? Really? It’s not that much further to town.”

 

“GPS says it’s like forty miles, so we are stopping there unless you want me to go all Donner party on you.”

 

“Ok, well clearly we have entered the h-anger zone, so casino food it is.”

 

Jon followed the signs and they parked the car and headed inside. “All you can eat pancakes! I’m in heaven,” she cried as they saw a sign for the café as they entered.

 

They ate their fill of pancakes, which Jon had to admit were actually better than he’s expected. When they finished they took a lap around the casino.

 

“What are we looking for?” he asked her.

 

“I don’t know. I just want to play like $20 on a slot machine and then we can go.”

 

“Ok, well we’ve passed plenty of them.”

 

She rolled her eyes at him. “You have to find the lucky machine. You don’t just plop down at the first one you see.”

 

“Oh, my mistake. I didn’t know you were such a gambling pro.”

 

“I’ll have you know I won $200 at Soaring Eagle with Myranda the weekend of my eighteenth birthday. Here we go,” she said as she settled in front of a Wizard of Oz machine. She fed $20 into it and hit max bet. She let out a “hmrph” when nothing hit. She spun again and matched a couple of lines for a $5 pay out. She spun a couple more times with no luck and then was down to her last spin.

 

“Twenty bucks doesn’t seem to last long in this place,” Jon observed as she pressed the button a final time.

 

“I think your negative energy threw it off,” she accused him playfully. She stood up so they could go and suddenly a loud witch’s crackle erupted from the machine. They both stared at it as a bonus round activated and the machine started to spin on its own.

 

“What’s happening?” Jon asked her.

 

“I don’t know, but I think it’s good.”

 

After several minutes the machine finally stopped and the counter started. “How much did you win?” Jon asked trying to do the math in his head. Nickel slots were much harder to figure out than he’d have thought.

 

“Not sure.”

 

Finally the counter stopped and they stared at the screen. “Did you just win the jackpot?” a little old woman asked them.

 

Jon’s eyes went wide. “I wish. No, it’s just nickel slots, but I think I still did pretty good,” Sansa laughed.

 

“Well now you have house money deary, roll it till you bust,” the woman advised as she walked away.

 

“She’s out of her mind,” Sansa said hitting the cash out button. They waited on the attendant to come by and verify the win. They collected their winnings, $4737 to be exact and left the casino.

 

“I can’t believe that just happened,” Sansa said as they got in the car. “So what were you saying about me not being a gambling pro?” She waved several bills at him as she laughed.

 

“Yeah, yeah. Well to be clear you can pay for dinner tonight.”

 

xxxxxxxx

 

They resumed their trip west. Sansa texted Arya a picture of her holding the fanned out money. Arya responded asking if she had robbed a bank and referenced Keanu Reeves and “Point Break.” Sansa shot back a text asking Arya if they were only showing movies made in the 90’s in Belgium.

 

They passed around the edge of Flagstaff and started to head north. Sansa started reading section of the Grand Canyon guidebook off to him. “This says that approximately twelve people a year die at the canyon.”

 

“Well that’s a bit concerning.”

 

“It says to be careful when taking photos, don’t back towards the canyon and watch your footing.”

 

“That’s very good advice.”

 

“See, this is another reason selfies are the devil,” she muttered. “Oh my god, there’s a book.”

 

“Book?”

 

“Yeah, it says here if you want to learn the complete story of the many deaths in the canyon to pick up a copy of “Over the Edge: Death in Grand Canyon.” How morbid is that?”

 

Jon laughed, “Extremely.”

 

“Don’t judge me, but I sorta want to read it,” Sansa laughed. Jon gave her an appalled look and then laughed as well.

 

“Well then if we come across a copy I will buy it for you. Wait you’re rich now, you can buy your own copy.” He was rewarded with a wide smile and an amused toss of her head.

 

She put the guidebook down and looked out the window. She was shocked at how much the surrounding pine forests reminded her of back home. She hadn’t expected to see such a thing in Arizona. She told Jon the same.

 

“It’s prettier here than I expected too,” he admitted. They passed a stretch of aspen trees that were brilliantly colored and Sansa asked him to pull over. He eased the car to the side of the road and she got out.

 

“Everything alright?” he asked. She had seemed urgent in her request that he stop the car.

 

“Yeah. It’s just…. Look,” she said pointing at the trees. “The leaves change here too. Back home everything would be on the ground by now.” It made her think of Catelyn. It felt like a sign from her mother that she would find herself two thousand miles from home surrounded by aspens, her mother’s favorite fall tree, in peak color in a place she thought would’ve been a desert wasteland. She grabbed the camera and started across the gully towards the trees.

 

“Sansa?! Wait,” Jon cried coming around the front of the car.

 

She turned back and looked at him in a way that made him stop his advance. “Can I have a couple minutes?”

 

“Yeah. I’ll be right here.”

 

She went into the trees and started to shoot upwards into the canopy of leaves. After a few shots she stopped and just listened to the wind moving within the branches and the leaves. She could hear Catelyn voice within it. The voice was telling to be happy and that it was time she started to live her life. Sansa realized the voice was not in these trees though. The voice was in her mind, a memory from last fall, several weeks after they had returned from Robb’s wedding, after she and Jon had broken up. Catelyn had recently completed what was supposed to be the final round of chemo and they were sitting out on the back deck watching the sunset among the fall leaves and had discussed Sansa’s future. Her mother had thanked her staying longer than expected and apologized for any issues it had created for her and Jon. Sansa had told her mother there was nothing to apologize for. At the time she had been so angry with Jon, not only for their break-up, but for making her mother feel like she had even the smallest bit of responsibility for it. She said as much to her mother. But Catelyn had been more forgiving. She told Sansa that maybe Jon just needed some time, he had suffered quite a bit in the last few years after all. She told her daughter regardless of what the future held for them as a couple, she needed to forgive Jon and let go of her anger. “Don’t let past anger and hurt hold you back from living your life. It’s nothing but a waste and you’ll come to regret it. I want you to live a happy life, sweet girl. I want you to have the life you want. The one you planned. You deserve it. And as grateful as I am for you being here, promise me you’ll get back to it soon.” Sansa had promised. They even discussed her trying to go back to school in the spring. But then that had all happened before the cancer had reared back up and Catelyn had required another surgery and additional rounds of chemo.

 

Perhaps her mother was right about dwelling on past anger, maybe none of it mattered. But what did matter to her was that she did her best to honor her mother’s wishes. Her mother had absolved Jon that day, maybe she could as well. She thought of this morning and how it had felt to wake up in his arms, to stand in his arms as the sun rose. Despite everything in the past, it had felt right. It was where she belonged. She turned and headed back to the car and to Jon.

 

He stood next to the car and watched her return. He studied her carefully, gaging her mood. She seemed calm and peaceful. She gave him a reassuring smile.

 

They continued following US 180 north pass Humphreys Peak which Jon noted was already covered in snow. Sansa pointed out it was covered in snow year round according to the guidebook.

 

They reached Tusayan by early afternoon. They decided they would find food in the park, and after paying the admission fee at the gate, they headed to Mather Point and the visitor’s center. They parked and got out of the car. Their view was still slightly blocked by the buildings but Sansa was full of anticipation in seeing the full view.

 

“You look really excited,” Jon observed.

 

“I know, and I have no idea why. It’s just going to be a big trench.”

 

They followed the path around the visitor’s center and then the view opened before them. Sansa gasped. It was like nothing she imaged. She suddenly felt very small. The canyon was wider and vaster than she could have imagined, larger than it looked in pictures. The colors were beautiful. She could only imagine how spectacular it looked at sunset.

 

They made their way to the railing and Sansa started to snap away. In time she asked some nice German tourists to take a few pictures of her and Jon. They followed the main path with the crowds, eventually they found their way aboard the tram. They got off in the village and had lunch in the Bright Angel Lodge.

 

They walked to the edge of the Bright Angel Trail but Sansa said there was no way she was going to head down it without proper training. They grabbed some ice cream and Sansa grabbed a couple brochures and they sat on a bench eating their cones.

 

“This would be an amazing camping trip,” she mused looking at a brochure for Havasupai Falls.

 

“That’s a hell of a hike! We would need to train for something like that. Oh, it also says we’d need permits though.” He pointed at a section of the brochure. “It looks amazing though. We would just need to plan ahead. Good thing you are an expert planner,” he finished bumping into her shoulder with a smile. 

 

Sansa didn’t say anything but she made a note that he had referenced a shared future yet again. That was twice in less than twenty four hours. She couldn’t help but let a cautious smile creep across her face.

 

They finished their ice cream and then took the red line towards Hermits Rest. They took their time, getting off at most of the points for different photo angles or to walk sections of the trail. There was something about this place that seemed to be speaking to him. Maybe it was that the Earth was laid bare here. An open scar that displayed millions of years of wear and movement, and yet it was breathtakingly beautiful. The feeling he had this morning was back. He wasn’t sure what was happening inside him but something was trying to break loose. Maybe he was just tired of keeping secrets, maybe he liked the way she smiled when he mentioned anything about the future. Regardless of the reason, for the first time since he had learned he was a Targaryen, he felt he might be ready to share his truth.

 

The stood overlooking The Abyss. The late afternoon light was playing in Sansa’s hair. The reds seemed like they were trying to transform into the same reds as the walls of the canyon. She was staring down, trying to search out the thin silver ribbon of the Colorado River below with her zoom. She finally lowered the camera and let it settle back against her chest. She smiled at him and he found himself reaching for her hand.

 

They began to walk along the trail, away from the crowds at the scenic overlook. Sansa had a rather thoughtful look on her face as the strolled.

 

“What are you thinking? Right this second,” Jon asked pulling on her hand so she would stop. He wasn’t sure why, but he had an overwhelming urge to know. 

 

She turned to him and he could see there were tears forming in her eyes. Whether they were from happiness or sorrow he wasn’t sure. “Right this second? I was thinking about the river. How over time it worn down the rock and made this canyon. I was thinking how any force given enough time can cut deeply. How some times that creates things of beauty, but how it can also destroy things.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So quick note on Jon, just because it keeps weighing on my mind. (Maybe it's not on anyone else's and I am just blowing myself up here....) But anyhow, I swear he's not just a completely selfish idiot. It's more complex than that. If you are getting frustrated please try and stick with it till the end. The further we get into the story hopefully the more you understand him. Also keep in mind that while we are getting insight to both him and Sansa's thoughts because of the way I have chosen to write this story, he is operating a lot more in the dark, with only his own thoughts and perceptions to shape his thoughts and actions.
> 
> Anyways, new collage will be up on tumblr - check it out @jrojoyce. Nice pictures of the Grand Canyon and the Painted Desert. 
> 
> Also the book Sansa mentions, "Over The Edge," it's a real book and I've read it. Sure it sounds a bit morbid, but not going to lie, it's oddly fascinating and a good read. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Williams, AZ

_Past_

_They had parted on better terms that she would have thought given their fight on Friday night. Sansa had spent Saturday morning saying goodbye to Margaery and then had finished packing. By the time she met up with Jon for an afternoon picnic in Millennium Park, it seemed that he had fully forgiven her for the living situation. They spent the rest of the day together and even stayed up late making love and making plans for the fall. Sunday when Ned came to pick her up, they had all enjoyed a pleasant lunch before they had finished loading the U Haul and saying their final goodbye._

_She was glad things had been settled with Jon, because as soon as Sansa was home everything fell at her feet. Arya was thrilled to turn over Bran and Rickon duties. She'd had quite enough of shuttling them to their various activities and helping with their homework. She was going to prom the following weekend and was grateful she could now focus on it. Sansa noted she seemed rather excited about it. That had surprised her a bit. Arya wasn't a girlie girlie, but it was clear she missed her friends. Sansa was glad she'd to be able to attend with them worry free._

_Her father was also relieved. He turned over the doctor's appointments and medication runs to Sansa as well. He thanked her profusely and explained that he had been pulling his hair out trying to cram pharmacy runs into his lunch hours or rearranging his docket when Catelyn had an emergency or a schedule change. Sansa could tell how much the last two months had drained him. She reassured him that she was ready to handle it._

_She thought helping with Lyanna had prepared her for it. But she soon found that caring for her mother was more emotionally and physically draining then she had anticipated. Cat had trouble sleeping and woke early most days, so Sansa had started to do so as well. She added grocery shopping, and cooking dinner most nights, to her duties as well. She had been horrified to learn that they rest of the family had all been living off large quantities of take-out food for weeks. No wonder they all felt tired and off._

_She had been home for nearly two weeks when it dawned on her that she had not actually spoken to Jon once, their communication had been relegated to sporadic texts. With the one hour time difference, his work schedule, and her new habit of falling asleep on the couch after dinner, they were now completely out of sync. She realized she had even forgotten to respond to his texts from yesterday. She hoped he had been serious about coming for Memorial Day. The idea of not seeing him until July made her ache._

_She picked up her phone and called him. It went to voicemail. "Hey, sorry about yesterday. I meant to answer your text but then mom desperately needed her anti-nausea meds. Anyways, I wanted to follow up and see if you still wanted to come up for Memorial Day. I miss you."_

_He called back over the weekend and told her he couldn't make it. He had completely forgotten that he, Pyp, Sam and Grenn had made plans awhile back to go to Lake Geneva in Wisconsin. He had completely forgotten until Sam had sent an email a couple days ago looking to finalizing everyone's arrival times._

_"I'm so sorry. I can't believe I forgot. Do you want me to cancel?" he asked her. He felt like an ass for forgetting his friends like that. He felt like an even bigger ass for disappointing her._

_Sansa tried to recall if she had ever heard him mention these plans before. Something in the back of her mind told her she had, but she still couldn't shake the terrible thought that this was a passive aggressive swipe at her for the living situation._

_"Umm…." she hesitated. She truly wanted to see him, but she also knew he'd have a much more enjoyable weekend in Wisconsin than here with her and her stressed out family._

_"If it makes a difference, the deposit is nonrefundable….. And I haven't seen Sam and Pyp in so long," he told her. He felt a stab of guilt at his words, so he quickly added, "But if tell me you need me more….."_

_She sighed, she wanted him to come but she didn't want to make him. She wanted to ask how long he had really known about this trip. But she was tired and she didn't trust her tone, so she decided not to ask. They didn't need to be in another fight, especially long distance. So instead, she accepted his apology and told him to go and have a good time. She told him she missed him. He told her the same and thanked her for being so understanding and to give his love to her family._

_They exchanged I love yous and ended the call. That night Sansa had gone to bed with the most unsettled feeling in her stomach. It was a feeling she knew would remain there until she saw him again._

xxxxxxxxx

Present

They stayed in the park until after the sunset. Sansa couldn't stop taking pictures. The way the light filtered through the canyon was a thing of amazing beauty. The orange, purple and pinks that caught in the sparse clouds was stunning. With every shift of the sun the colors seemed to change and the walls almost seemed to glow.

She couldn't believe the day they had had. It had started with an amazing sight and ended with one as equally stunning. They money from the casino was nice, but the moment in the aspen trees had been her favorite. If she really thought about it, this was probably one of the best days she had experienced in a very long time. She told Jon as much as they made their way back to the car. He responded with a wistful smile and told her he was happy he could be a part of it.

They decided to drive to Williams to stay the night. When they were nearly there Sansa's phone began to chime. She hadn't realized until that moment that she had not had service all afternoon. She saw the texts were from Robb asking her to call him when she had some time to talk.

By the time they checked into the Super 8 it was after ten where he was. Jon told her he would go pick them up some take out if she wanted to try him. Sansa knew it was late but she worried it might be about Bran, so she sent him a text asking if he was still up and wanted to talk. A couple minutes later her phone rang.

"Hey," she answered. "Sorry. I know it's late, I didn't have service most of the day."

"It's alright, I was still up."

"Is everything alright with Bran?"

"Yeah. Bran's brain activity scans are looking good and he's stable. They think they might try to bring him out of the coma in the next couple of weeks."

"Thank god. I'm glad to hear it. Thank you for letting me know."

"Yeah, it was good to hear." There was a long pause. "He's not the main reason I wanted to talk to you though."

Sansa felt herself tense. She knew something seemed off by how calm Robb's voice seemed. "Ok, what's happened? Is Arya ok? I texted her this morning but –"

"No, I mean she's fine…. Jeyne and I had a doctor's appointment yesterday." Sansa felt her heart stop. Was something wrong with the baby? Would God be that cruel to her family? She wished she hadn't let Jon leave her in the room alone.

"Robb?" Her voice was barely above a whisper. He didn't answer. "You're scaring me," she added.

"Oh shit. Sorry Sans, god I'm sorry. Everything's fine, she's fine, Jenye too."

"She?"

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to tell you. We're having a girl. I'm having a daughter."

"Congratulations! That's wonderful Robb."

"Thanks. Its made it all very real. I think before yesterday it wasn't so real to me. I knew I was having a kid, but now I know it's a daughter and she has a name. She's a real person to me now."

"You already have a name?"

"Well maybe…. That's why I wanted to talk. I wanted to ask your permission actually. We want to name her after mom, but I realized that you might want it for your own daughter one day. And well, if anyone has a right to claim that name it would be you."

"It's not my name to claim, Robb, that's mom's name."

"I know, but you took care of mom. You were closest to her out of all of us, so it's only right you should get to use it if you want to."

Sansa could barely speak. They was the closest her brother had ever come to acknowledging all she had done for their mother, for their family. She had never really thought about naming her own daughter Catelyn. The fact that Robb would offer it to her meant so much, but she didn't need it.

"Thank you," she said finally and brushed away a couple of tears. "But I think mom would love the idea of her first grandchild being named after her. I think you should use the name."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm absolutely sure."

They were both quiet for a few moments before Robb spoke again. "Sans, this is really hard for me. But I owe you a huge apology, and an even bigger thank you. I'm sorry for being an entitled asshole for the last couple years, actually probably more than that. I should've done more, or at the very least told you thank you a lot sooner. So, thank you for being so selfless, and for being there for mom and dad."

Sansa let out a sob. "Shit Sans, I didn't mean to make you cry." A laugh escaped her throat at that.

"You're welcomed." She hoped her brother was being genuine, but a small sliver of her remained on guard, worried that he might be trying to draw her back home.

Robb must have heard someting in her voice because when he spoke, he answered her unspoken question. "You know when they told us it was a girl I instantly thought about you. I thought, I hope my daughter is as sweet and caring as my sister. And then it just kinda hit me what that's really meant for you, for the family. I want her to have everything. I don't want her to have to sacrifice her dreams. It shouldn't be like that, I'm her parent and I want her to have her own life. A happy full one, with every possibility open to her. And that made me think of you again….. Sorry, I'm rambling… All I know is that I need to tell you that I finally think I get it. So again, thank you, and I'm sorry it took me so long to say it." His voice trembled the slightest bit as he finished.

She stifled another sob and pushed out a long breath. "You know, I think this is the nicest you have ever been to me," Sansa teased him through her tears. "Fatherhood looks good on you big brother."

"Don't tell Arya I'm going soft, not yet anyways." She could hear the tears in Robb's voice now. Her brother was a proud man, she knew it was taking a lot for him to bare his feelings to her.

"Thank you Robb. You honestly have no idea how much this means to me."

"I just wish I realized it sooner. But I hope this means we can be closer in the future. I really want little Cat to know her aunt. I don't want the family to fall apart because mom and dad are gone." His voice completely broke on the last word and he let out the sob that she knew he had been working so hard to contain.

"Hey, that will never happen," she assured him. "We are always going to be family. I love you big brother."

"I love you too," he echoed when he regained his composure. "Oh by the way, tell Jon he's off the hook now."

"Why would – He told you he's been with me?"

"Yeah. It was sweet you were trying to protect him from me though. You should know he did the same for you actually. You both still seem pretty loyal to each other…. I often wonder if I'll ever understand you two and whatever is going on there."

Sansa heard the door open and glanced over her shoulder as Jon came in with their food. He gave her a curious look and she gave him a smile and nodded her head to indicate everything was good. He smiled at her in clear relief.

She turned her attention back to the conversation with Robb and gave a breathy laugh. "Yeah well to be honest, right now, you're not the only one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter update, but hey finally some redemption for Robb :)
> 
> Next chapter they’ll finally make it out of Arizona, I promise. 
> 
> More Grand Canyon pics over on tumblr as well.


	15. Las Vegas, NV - Part 1

_Past_

_"I can't believe he won't let you have the days off now! How is that ok? God, what a jackass!" Sansa cried, her frustration and annoyance clear. "You work for a jackass."_

_"I know. I'm sorry. I tried, I did, but that man is just unreasonable," Jon said. He was thankful she couldn't see his face. He knew she's be able to tell he was lying. He hated himself for lying to her, but he felt he had no other option at the moment._

_"What if you came up Friday night after work? I know you'd get in late, but you'd be here for the day of the Fourth at least. You could go back Sunday afternoon. Or is he demanding the weekends now as well?"_

_"I wish I could say yes, but what fun would I be? I'd be exhausted from all the driving. Plus, we have a flight out super early Monday for a presentation the same day, and I need Sunday to prep for the meeting."_

_"I see," Sansa said, her voice now icy. "Well, he's lucky to have you and your unwavering dedication. I hope he appreciates how lucky he is."_

_Jon could feel the acid behind her words. Their conversations had become more strained over the recent weeks. He knew she missed him and she was stressed with her family's demands. He missed her as well and wished he could be there for her. In fact, up until yesterday, he had been committed to going home and seeing her for the Fourth. He was apprehensive, but he loved her and told himself it would be fine. It would be worth it, she was worth it. But then yesterday she had texted him and left him a voicemail, excitedly telling him that Ned had managed to get them all tickets to the garden gala after all. She went on about how thrilled she was for this little break, how Margaery was making them both dresses and they couldn't wait to rub elbows with Winter Falls' elite. His heart had sank when he'd heard the message. But he decided then and there he couldn't do it. He couldn't be faced with his grandfather, not even for her._

_"I don't need his appreciation. I just want his support when a promotion opens up," he responded._

_"So I guess this means I won't see you till Robb's wedding next month?" she asked. "That is if you're still able to make that."_

_"Sansa, I'm the best man, of course I will be there." Robb was getting married in Rhode Island thankfully. Then he had an idea. "What if I make it up to you then? What if we stay a couple extra days? You said she'll be in between chemo rounds then, and Arya will still be home if your mom needs help. We could go to the ocean."_

_"I don't know. What if –"_

_"It'll just be a couple days Sans. They'll manage, I think we need this."_

_Sansa was silent for a few moments and then let out a sigh. "You're probably right. I'll talk to Arya."_

_"I promise, it'll be worth it. I promise I'll get the time off then."_

_"Alright. Hey, l have to go to the airport and fetch Margaery. I guess we'll talk soon." She still sounded disappointed. He hated that he was the cause of it._

_"Sans….. you know I'm sorry I can't make it this week, right? I really do miss you."_

_She sighed. "I know. I miss you too."_

_"I love you."_

_"I know. Hey Marg is beeping in. Gotta take it."_

_"Ok."_

_"Bye Jon," she said and ended the call. He made a note that for the first time since they had parted that summer, she hadn't told him she loved him back._

xxxxxxx

Present

Jon woke up to find Sansa was already showered and packed. She was perched at the beat up table, worrying at her bottom lip. It seemed like she was working to contain a smile but he saw it tugging at the corners of her mouth. He could tell she was plotting something.

"What is that look on your face?" he asked with a yawn.

"Did you give Sam a definite day for our arrival?"

"Not exactly. I mean there is this thing I sort of committed to for Tuesday night."

"What thing?" Sansa asked.

"Nothing important," he lied. "Why? What are you up to?" He got out of bed and turned on the tiny coffee pot.

"Well I was thinking…. Yesterday was… yesterday was amazing. I feel like maybe my luck has finally turned around….. I thought maybe we could try and push it a little?"

"I haven't had any coffee yet," he said gesturing to the machine that did not appear to actually work. "So just tell me what you are trying to drag me to." She laughed and Jon watch the mischievous smile spread over her face. "Wait, is this about the donkey town? Omen, Ortmond, whatever it is. That town you told me about were the donkeys just wander around all free range? Are you going to ask me to dress like a cowboy and ride a donkey?"

"Ok, first that town is called Oatman. Second, no I am not all jazzed up because I want to go to wild donkey town. God, you do need coffee."

"Ok, so then what are you up to?"

She opened the guidebook and held it up to him. He looked and then laughed and shook his head. "I know it's out of the way, but we can spend the weekend there and still make it to Sam's Monday night. I'll pay for it with my casino winnings."

"Are you sure? It might be kinda overwhelming."

Sansa rolled her eyes at him. "I'm sure I'll manage. In case you forgot, I'm a grown woman Jon."

"I haven't forgotten….." Their eyes met for the briefest charged moment. "Alright," he agreed before adding, "God help me."

xxxxxxxx

"Vegas, baby!" Sansa cheered as she smacked the shot glass down on the bar. Jon set his down with a little less vigor and shook his head as the tequila burned in his stomach.

"Ok, one more and then I have to get to my appointment," Sansa said and waved at the bartender.

"Maybe we should pace ourselves?"

"You can go back to the room and take a nap if you want," she said with a smirk.

"I just might," Jon muttered under his breath as the bartender came over. Two more shots appeared on the bar and Sansa picked hers up and waited on him to do the same.

"To the weekend," she said clinking her glass to Jon's and downed the shot.

"To road trips and good fortune," Jon said and down his.

"Ok, I'll be back to the room after my appointment. We have dinner reservations at eight. So try to be up from your nap, say seven-ish?" She gave him a wicked smile and before he could say anything in return she gave him a glancing kiss on his cheek and breezed out of the bar. He watched her disappear into the casino as she headed for the spa. He paid the tab and then got up and headed back to their room in the Aria.

He originally hadn't planned to take a nap, but now it sounded like it could be a good idea. Especially if their night was going to be anything like their day.

They had gotten into Vegas just before noon. They had taken a picture at the Las Vegas sign, which they both agreed was much smaller than they had expected. They had grabbed lunch and then walked through several of the casinos. They had gone shopping at the Miracle Mile Mall for "Vegas clothes," mainly because Sansa had declared their thrift store clothes were unacceptable for the place. They had even managed to lose $250 gambling before checking into their hotel.

Which is why they were doing shots, Sansa said it would numb the pain. She hadn't been amused when Jon asserted he was numb enough from the Eiffel Tower of frozen margarita she had made him drink earlier.

Jon let himself in the room and laid down on his bed and flipped on the tv. "I'll just rest my eyes for like five minutes," he told himself as he drifted off to sleep.

xxxxxx

He woke up to the sound of Sansa in the bathroom softly singing along to a song that took him a moment to realize was Taylor Swift's latest hit. He could also hear the sound of ice cubes clinking on glass.

He got up and made his way to the bathroom and stood in the open doorway. Sansa was still in her regular clothes but he could tell her hair and makeup had been expertly done. She was glowing. Her hair had been blown out and looked like spun copper. He imagined for a moment what it might feel like to run his hands through it. Her make-up was dark and dramatic.

"You look good," he said. "Very Vegas."

She smiled and then said, "And you look like you just woke up."

"What time is it?"

"We have an hour till we need to head to dinner."

"Alright. I need a shower."

"Sure thing." She looked at herself in the mirror one last time and exited the bathroom. He went in and turned on the shower. Thirty minutes later he was dressed and came out of the bathroom to find Sansa in the main room. He felt his breath stop. She had on a short silver dress that sparkled. It was rather form fitting and dipped low in the front. It screamed Vegas.

"Stop staring," she told him with a pleased smile and then took a sip out of her wine glass.

"Wow. Sorry. You just…. You look a lot different from road trip Sansa."

"I'm going to just take that as a compliment. You look rather good different yourself. I was afraid you weren't going to get it together. You were in a pretty deep sleep when I came back, though you are rather adorable when you sleep."

"Am I? Were you watching me or something?"

"Of course not…. Well maybe for a minute. Do you want something to drink? I feel like I might be a bit ahead of you."

"Are you drunk already?"

She pressed her lips together to suppress a smirk. "Anything's possible. It is Vegas after all. I mean you can be in Paris, then Venice, then New York, then go back in time to ancient Rome and hardly have walked two miles…."

"God help me," he said for the second time today. He walked over and pulled a beer from the fridge. He was clearly going to need to start now if he had any hopes of catching up to her and surviving the night.

xxxxxx

He never caught up. He had drank a couple of beers in the room and Sansa had needled him into a couple of shots as well. He was starting to feel the buzz creeping up his spine by the time they decided to leave the room. He couldn't help but smile. She seemed happy and light, laughing and teasing him as they made their way down the hall and into the elevator. But when they had hit the casino floor he couldn't help but note the way people noticed her, the way other men leered. He suddenly felt protective of her.

At dinner she drank several glasses of wine, becoming more animated and clearly drunk. He kept drinking as well since she refused to allow him to stop, but he went much slower, drinking just enough to maintain a pleasant buzz and nothing more.

He knew he had made a wise choice shortly after dinner. They had left the restaurant and were walking down the Strip. They had stopped in front of Bally's to watch some street performers. Jon had let himself get caught up in the performance and it took him a moment to realize Sansa was no longer beside him. He quickly scanned the crowd and caught sight of her red hair. She was talking to an older man. He was leering at her, touching her hair and running a hand down her arm. Sansa didn't seem upset, in fact she was smiling, but it was clear by the way she slightly wobbled in her high heels she was drunk.

Jon pushed his way to her. He calmly drew next to her and placed an arm around her waist, pulling her by the hip until she was settled aganist to him.

"Jon! This is…..sorry, what'd you say your name was?'

"Petyr."

"Yes Petyr, that's right. He says he can get me in to any club we want. For free!"

"I'm sure he did." Jon stared at the older man, making it clear with his expression that the other man needed to back off.

"Are you going to pee on her too?" he thought he heard the other man mutter under his breath.

Jon narrowed his eyes just enough to let the older man know he'd heard him. Petyr tossed him a tight smile in response.

Jon turned to her, intentionally blocking Petyr out of the conversation. "I think we might want to hold off on hitting a club for the moment. I think you might need to walk for a bit. Maybe drink some water too."

"But it's our first night in Vegas," she said with a pout and waved her hands around towards the lights.

"She's right Jon, you should loosen up and embrace the energy of the city," Petyr interjected. "And my offer's good all night."

Jon fixed a neutral look on his face and turned around. "Thank you so much. We'll be sure to let you know if we're interested. Come on Sans, I need another drink while we think about it." With that he grabbed Sansa's hand and led her away before anyone could say another word.

He had lead them into a nearby bar where Sansa promptly ordered them a round of drinks. Jon sipped his. Sansa seemed to be enjoying hers as well and seemed to have completely forgotten about Petyr.

After they finished their drinks they had left the bar, and he had directed them to the opposite side of the Strip from where they had met Petyr. They ultimately decided against going to a club, instead they agreed to try their hand at gambling again. They had learned without a doubt they were in fact terrible gamblers. They had lost $500 at the roulette table in record time. They were no better at craps. He was terrible at blackjack. Their only victory of the night had been Sansa winning $50 on a nickel slot that involved a lobster.

He had thought they would have called it a night by now, what with the booze and the shoes she was wearing. But he had underestimated her. She was a trooper in heels. It was 3 am and they were still prowling the Strip because Sansa was starving. They had tried to make it to Shake Shack before it closed in New York New York, but they had failed. Sansa pouted and refused the only other thing still opened in the hotel, pizza. Now they were attempting to make their way across the Strip to Fatburger. This was their second attempt, they had gone the wrong direction on Sansa's insistence that she knew the way there. They had ended up at the Tropicana. She had become unbearably whiny. Her hair was no longer so smooth and she had snagged her dress at some point. Jon's feet ached and he felt exhausted. They were the definition of a hot mess at this point.

"We are going back to the room after this," Jon declared.

"Fine, anything you want. Just feed me, I beg you Snow."

"We could've had pizza."

"I want a burger! You promised me a burger!"

"I know, I know." He could see the sign now and they trekked on. He set Sansa up at a table on the patio and told her to stay there while he ordered. He prayed she would, given her tendency to wander away the drunker she got.

Sansa fished her phone out and called Margaery's number.

"Sansa?" her roommate answered in a sleepy groan. "What time is it?"

"Margie, dearest. I need to tell you something."

"Margie? Are you drunk? Where are you? It's like 5 in the morning."

"Three, it's three. Jon's getting me food."

"Three? Jon? What in god's name is going on?"

"Uhhhh, you need to keep up. I'm in in Vegas, with Jon." She giggle then and repeated in a loud whisper, "With Jon."

"Oh Sans, you are blasted. Where is he now?"

"Getting me a burger, but it's not Shake Shack. He had promised me Shake Shack and yet no Shake Shack."

"Eat your food and go to sleep. Call me when you wake up."

"Marg? I want to tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"Tell him I love him. I still love him Marg, I'm always going to love him."

"Sugar listen to me. Normally I would tell you go for it. But this is Jon, and you two, with your past…. Heed my advice, you need to pull your shit together. No more booze, eat the burger, drink some water and get your ass to bed. I will call you tomorrow, refrain from saying anything crazy for tonight. Promise me."

"But Marg you should see him. He looks sooooo….. ugh you just need to see him. His hair is pulled back, you know how he looks all hot when he does that. Oh, and he has on this dark grey shirt that basically matches his eyes when he's turned on. I just want to… Oh shit, he's coming back. Don't tell him what I said."

"Oh honey. Go to bed ASAP, do you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah. Goodnight!" Sansa made kissing noises into the phone and hung up as Jon placed a tray in front of her and slid in across from her.

"Who was that?"

"Margaery," she answered with a mouth full of food. Jon just chuckled. He was sure Margaery had been less than thrilled to have been woken at 5 am on a Saturday by a drunk Sansa, but then maybe Margaery had just been going to bed herself. Sansa said nothing more about it and seemed to be focusing intensely on her food. He ate his burger as well and watched her. He couldn't help but noticed a subtle shift in her, she wasn't meeting his eye. In fact, she seemed to be making a conscious, albeit drunken, effort to look at anything but him. He shook his head and wondered what she and Margaery had discussed. He wanted to ask, but in the end he decided it was too late and she was too drunk to go down that path.

xxxxxxx

"How's the head?"

Sansa groaned in response and buried herself deeper in the blankets.

"You have no one to blame but yourself," he chuckled.

"Go away," she moaned. "And this is your fault."

"Mine?"

"You did nothing to stop it."

"Alright, if that makes you feel better, sure, it's my fault," he said with a soft chuckle. "I left you some more water and some Advil on the night stand. I'll be back later to check on you."

She waved him away with a groaned "thank you" as he left the room. He left the hotel and decided to walk the Strip. He watched the pirates at Treasure Island and the fountains at the Bellagio. Finally, he decided to sit down outside Caesar's Palace which a spiked lemonade and watched the people go by. Of any place he had been, Vegas had the best people watching by far.

He had been there about fifteen minutes when his phone rang. He saw it was Sam and picked up.

"Hey Sam."

"Hey Jon," Sam greeted him. "Gilly's here too. She wanted to say hi."

"Hi Jon," Gilly said in her cheerful voice. "How's it going?"

"I'm good. Sansa would probably disagree. She's nursing a terrible hangover."

"Oh no! I can't imagine being hung-over on a long car ride," Gilly groaned.

"Actually, we're on a break from the road for a couple days."

"Oh? Where are you now?" Sam asked perplexed.

"We decided to take a detour to Vegas."

"Vegas? Are you planning on eloping?" Gilly cried. She sounded delighted as Jon snorted lemonade out of his nose. "That's so romantic. See Sam, I told you!"

"Gilly!" Sam cried.

"What? You keeping saying he still –"

"Gilly!" Sam hissed.

"Oh…"

Jon decided to save them both and attempted to lighten the conversation. "Sorry," he interjected. "It's nothing like that. Nothing like that at all. And even if it were, what happens in Vegas…..."

"Oh, sorry," Gilly said, her voice now was filled with embarrassment. "Well, I'll let you two talk then. We can't want to see you and I can't wait to meet Sansa. Bye Jon."

"Bye Gilly."

There was a pause and he could tell Sam was shifting the phone around. "Ok, it's just me now."

"So were you able to get the tickets?" Jon asked.

"Still working on it. Dickon's dragging his feet, he's nervous one of the partners might figure out he's not using them himself. I'm still working on him. I may have to threaten to tell our mother about the time he went to Tijuana in high school, but I'll get you those tickets. I'll let you know as soon as I secure them. You're going to tell me about why this so important to you when I see you, right?"

"Yeah. We'll have plenty to talk about when I see you."

"Everything alright there? You and Sansa didn't actually get married right?"

"No. When I get married you'll be one of the first people to know. And everything's fine. But actually let's circle back, why would you hear Vegas and assume Sansa and I eloped? We aren't even together like that right now."

"No reason."

"Sam."

"I might've talked to Pyp and Tormund, and shared beds might have been mentioned. We are all in agreement something is going on with you two."

"You three are worse gossips than most girls I know."

"We are just concerned about you, both of you. We know Ned and Cat were important to you, and obviously they were Sansa's family. And this whole trip you two are on just took us all by surprise. And you just quit your job. I just worried you might do something else impulsive… And you still haven't explained to me why you want these private fundraising tickets. Nothing you're doing recently is making much sense really."

"I promise everything is fine. I'm going to be fine. I swear I'll explain it all when I see you. But hey, I gotta go check on Sansa."

"Alright. Well, have fun in Vegas, don't get into too much trouble," Sam told him.

xxxxxx

They bought tickets to a Cirque show that night. Sansa said there was no way she could handle another night of heavy booze. Jon could only laugh. "I told you not to go so hard the first night. Rookie mistake."

"I didn't realize I was in the presence of a Vegas all-star. Maybe tonight it's your turn to get turnt. That way you can show me how it's done."

"Whatever."

"Really though, thanks for watching out for me last night. Margaery called earlier to make sure I was still alive. I guess I called her at like 3 am and rambled on. I barely recall any of that. I think I'd still be wandering the strip searching for burgers if you hadn't kept such good tabs on me last night."

"It was my pleasure."

With Sansa in much better control of herself tonight Jon did let himself indulge a little more than last night. By 2am he found himself pleasantly drunk, but he still felt mostly in control of himself. Sansa had worked herself into a low level buzz.

They were out wandering the Strip again. This time there were on the north end and they passed a wedding chapel. Jon let out a laugh as he thought about Gilly's question fron earlier. Sansa had stopped and was looking at him with an amused look on her face.

"Are you wasted?"

"Hardly. I'm still completely in control here."

"Sure you are."

He suddenly grew very serious and turned towards the chapel and stared at it. "Would you ever?"

"Ever what?"

"Get married in a place like that?"

"Maybe, as long as there is no Elvis. Probably won't be my preference though. I mean it's rather cliché don't you think?" She found herself staring wistfully at his profile before adding, "But then I don't think it matters where you get married, not as long as you marry the right person."

Jon glanced back at her and caught her expression. He turned to her then and took her hands. He seemed to be searching her face for something, his weight shift back and forth as he rocked on the balls of his feet. He suddenly seemed to take a step back. Sansa wasn't sure if he had lost his balance or was attempting to kneel.

Her eyes went wide and then she laughed nervously as she pulled him back towards her. "Oh my god. For a moment there I thought you were going to…." And then she registered the flash in Jon's eye. "Wait, were you actually….."

Their eyes searched each other for a long moment. "Jon?" And then he looked away and started to laugh uncomfortably. His hand working its way to the back of his neck.

"No, no I wasn't… I just lost my balance." She was watching him, anxiously biting her lower lip. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…." She could see the color rising in his cheeks. "I'm just drunk. Come on, let's go back to the hotel." With that he turned and quickly headed down the street.

Sansa watched him for a few moments and then hurried to catch up to him. She knew him well enough to know he had just told her a lie, but this was one she was easily willing to forgive him for.

xxxxxxx

They spent a low key day at the pool Sunday. They couldn't believe the temperatures were still in the eighties even in October.

"You know it sucks that we just figured this out on our last day here. Day drinking by the pool is really where it's at," Sansa sighed as she sipped a fruity concoction as they lay under the umbrella.

"I suppose, though to be fair, you were in no mood for direct sunlight yesterday."

"Yeah, yeah. I rallied last night, did I not?"

"You did."

At the mention of last night an awkward silence settled around them. Neither of them had mentioned the events in front of the chapel, but they both had been thinking about it. Each wondering what the other had meant or thought in those moments. For a moment Sansa wished she had let him ask. And then she stopped herself. She shook her head and took a long drink. She chastised herself for even entertaining the thought. She did not want to repeat the past mistakes with him. And an impulse engagement was very much something she could picture them doing in the past. She sighed to herself, she knew they had no business taking a step like that right now. It wasn't that long ago that they had agreed to be friends again. There was no reason to rush this. Not if they were going to get it right.

"So we're back on the road in the morning yes?" Jon asked, pulling her from her thoughts.

"Yeah. We can go to bed early tonight and hit the road first thing in the morning. Unless you want to stay longer? We still have plenty of money."

"Yeah, probably because we gave up gambling after the first night."

"Well it wasn't fun to keep doing something we are so terrible at."

"True."

Jon heard his phone chime and he picked it up. There was a text from Sam. He had secured the tickets for Tuesday night. He broke out in a cold sweat. Was he actually going to be able to go through with this? He looked up and saw Sansa watching him with concern.

"Are you ok? You look off. Too much to drink? Or is it the sun?" she asked him with a worried tone.

He knew then that he needed to tell her everything, especially if he expected her to be by his side the day after tomorrow.

"Do you think we can go back to the room?" he asked. He needed to do this now before he lost his nerve like he had all the other times.

"Yeah, ok." They got up and went back to the room. Sansa noted that Jon seemed to be in a rush. She couldn't understand why unless maybe he thought he was going to be sick.

They entered the room and Jon sat down on the end of his bed and looked up at her. He seemed shaken and it scared her.

"Jon, what's going on? What happened? Did Robb text you or….."

He reached out and took her hand and she could feel a slight tremble. "I need to tell you something." He drew her near and she sat next to him on the bed. Her heart was hammering. She looked at him and waited.

He took a deep breath. "It's something I should told you a while ago actually. I want to tell you why I pulled away last year. Why I didn't come back that summer." Sansa felt like time froze. She couldn't breathe. She had not expected this at all. She stared at him and said nothing. And then she finally took a breath. Perhaps this was a good thing. After all, this was what she had been waiting for since they'd ended things. The truth. She braced herself as she nodded for him to continue.

And even though she thought she was ready, there was no way she could have ever anticipated his next words. "I need to tell you about my father."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there were a lot of updates this week, and this one is pretty long. Sadly though the update pace will be slowing back down. I’ll try to not make you wait too long for the next chapter, but in looking at the rough draft I clearly need to rework the next two or three chapter. 
> 
> I’ll thank you now for your patience. Feel free to take your frustrations out in the comments. Sorry!
> 
> Oh, picture collage will be up on tumblr!


	16. Las Vegas, NV - Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we go. I have written, rewritten, edited and then rewritten and reordered this chapter to the point of insanity. This ended up fairly lengthily so it became a split reveal (you'll see what I mean at the end of the chapter) Hopefully it's satisfying for most. Also I just want to say there is nothing more nerve racking for me than posting reveals/climaxes in my stories. This is my third story now and it only seems to be getting harder. The anxiety is real, augh!! 
> 
> Lastly, while the chapter is named based on the present timeline location it's not really going to be very Vegasy (yes I made up that word)
> 
> Anyways, enjoy??

_Past_

_He sent flowers for the two weeks following the Fourth and emailed her the reservations he had made for the Cape to show her he was serious about making it up to her. He made of an effort to call her more as well, which she greatly appreciated. He was still keeping his secret but at least there seemed to be a significant thaw between them as a result of his efforts._

_During that same time, Thorne had announced they would be making a pitch to a potential new client. It would be a big coup for the company, if they could secure the contract. The client was top secret though. Thorne won't disclose it to anyone not directly involved with the pitch. Jon was rather annoyed when he assigned the analyst duties to Janos Slynt. Jon knew he was the better analyst, Janos was just a better kiss ass. It felt like all the abuse he had taken from his boss over the last few month had been worthless._

_Two days before the presentation was too take place Janos called him, franticly begging for his help. He asked him if he could double check his work. It seemed no matter what he did, he could not get the numbers to fit Thorne's projections. Jon wanted to tell him no, but Janos sounded so desperate he decided to help him. If nothing else, at least Janos would owe him a favor in the future. Janos emailed him all the figures and Jon checked it, finding several errors which caused him to correct and essentially rework the entire project. He sent Janos back the revised numbers and told him to let him know if he had any questions._

_The morning of the presentation Jon found himself called into Thorne's office. Janos was in there as well, his eyes locked on the floor._

_"You completed the analysis for him?" Thorne asked gruffly. Jon flicked his gaze to Janos who met his eyes for a moment and then looked away, ashamed._

_"I just helped double check it," Jon ventured._

_"What was the yearly premium increase projection for the PPO next year if claims stay below the trigger threshold? Janos?"_

_"Umm….. well, if the threshold is… um."_

_"Just stop," Thorne ordered disgusted. "Jon?"_

_"1.5% for non smoking, 3% for smoking," Jon answered. He actually felt bad for Janos. He knew it was unlikely he would ever be able to get himself on Thorne's good side again._

_"Alright, you're with me for this presentation. Let's go." Thorne came out from behind his desk and thrust his laptop and several binders into Jon's arms and kept walking._

_He followed Thorne out of his office towards the elevator. Once inside he told him he thought last night's welcome dinner had gone well and he was certain they would be able to close this deal. "You'll run the projector. I'll do all the talking. You only speak if I specifically tell you to answer their questions. You shouldn't have to speak, but if there is a numbers questions I'll expect you to be ready." Jon nodded. He was rather overwhelmed at the speed of which this was all happening. He was thankful in that moment for his ability to easily recall numbers._

_They went into the conference room and Jon began to set up the laptop. He noticed then that Thorne seemed rather tense, perhaps even a bit nervous. Jon had to admit that was a first, this account must be an even bigger deal then he had thought. He realized he still didn't know who the presentation was for._

_He moved to open the binder in front of him, however the conference room door swung open at the same time. "Get up," Thorne hissed. Jon jumped up and they both moved around the table to greet the client. Jon nearly tripped over his feet as his brain registered the person in front of him. He had seen pictures of her before in his Google searches._

_"Daenerys Targaryen," the petite blond woman greeted him pleasantly. "This is Jorah Mormont and Barristan Selmy. We're here on behalf of Targaryen Enterprises. Allliser tells us we're in for quite a pitch."_

_Jon felt like he couldn't breathe. He managed to shake everyone's hand and mutter his name. Thorne was giving him serious side eye. "Pull it together Snow, no reason to be intimidated," he ordered as they returned to their side of the table._

_Jon nodded and took a long drink of water. Questions tumbled through his mind. Did she have any idea who he was? Could she see her brother in him? Could she feel they were related? Did he feel like they were related? He realized then that Thorne was staring daggers at him waiting for him to start the power point._

_"Let's begin shall we," Thorne said again. Jon was thankful he didn't have to give the actual presentation. This time Thorne's narcissism was a blessing. He focused on the running the computer and avoided looking at his aunt. He was even more thankful that the two men with her asked most of the questions so he did not have to actually address her directly._

_The presentation ended and Mormont and Selmy approached Thorne to exchange some pleasantries. It sounded like Thorne had known Mormont's father or they travelled in the same circles long ago. Jon wasn't really listening. He was focused on shutting down the computer and avoiding looking up, but then he felt a presence by his side. He looked up to see Daenerys standing next to him waiting for him to acknowledge her. She was smiling sweetly, but she also seemed to be taking his measure._

_"Did you have some follow up questions Ms. Targaryen?" He detested the sound of the name in his own voice._

_"Please, call me Dany. And I do." Jon waited for her to keep going. "I assume you did the data analysis on this?" Jon nodded. "Great. Well I'm going to spend the afternoon looking over everything. I don't leave until tomorrow morning. Would you be available tonight for a follow up?"_

_Jon froze. He wanted to say no, that he already had a commitment, but Thorne answered before him. "I'd be happy to make myself available."_

_Dany turned to him with a smile but Jon noticed her eyes, the same color eyes as his father, were cold. "Thank you Alliser, but I feel like I've taken up enough of your time in the past twenty four hours. Plus if we are to do business with your company I would like to know some of the other people we would be working with."_

_"Whatever you need Ms. Targaryen. Jon would be more than happy to answer all your questions."_

_"Perfect. I'll call your office with the details once I've looked over the information in depth. Thank you again for your time gentlemen." And with that she took her leave before Jon could say a word._

_Once the conference room cleared Thorne turned to him. "You will not screw this up. You hear me? You will do whatever that woman wants to close this deal."_

_"Mr. Tho-"_

_"Whatever she wants."_

_xxxxxx_

_Jon had a bad feeling about this. And it wasn't just that he was meeting with a Targaryen. That fact had made it all the more disturbing, but even if it wasn't his aunt he was meeting, he would still have felt wrong about this. The fact that Dany had suggested they meet in the bar at her hotel made his all the more uneasy. Thorne seemed to have no issue with where he was sending his employee. In fact he had told him if he didn't keep her happy or messed this up in any way, he better just file for unemployment in the morning instead of coming into work._

_That hadn't stopped him from waiting as long as possible to leave his apartment and head to the hotel. When he arrived he had stood on the sidewalk outside for a while, talking himself into going in. He even texted her telling her he was running late and understood if she needed to cancel. She had answered right back she didn't mind waiting. He walked around the corner and called Sansa then._

_"Hey!" she answered brightly._

_"Hey."_

_"You sound off, everything alright?"_

_Before he could answer he heard her brothers bickering in the background. "Hang on," she told him. He could hear her chastising her brothers, something about Bran needing to let Rickon have a turn as Mario or something like that._

_"Sorry. God I can't wait for them to be back in school. Anyways, how are you?"_

_"Fine, just wanted to hear your voice."_

_"Really? You're too sweet sometimes. Hey, wasn't today the big presentation day? Who was the mystery VIP client?"_

_"It was TE actually. And I think it went well, I ended up having to help with it at the last minute. I actually have a follow up meeting with them tonight. Thorne made me take it alone."_

_"Oh wow! That's great. And a solo follow up? That's really good for you right?"_

_"Maybe, we'll see. I feel somewhat unprepared."_

_"You'll do great! Be your charming knowledgeable self. I have faith you can close them."_

_"What if I don't want to?"_

_"What do you mean? Why won't -" There was a loud crash in the background on her end, followed by shouting. "Bran! Rickon! Dammit! Hey I gotta go before they break something valuable. Sorry. I'm sure you'll do great. Good luck!"_

_"Thanks," he said, though he wasn't sure if she had hung up before he said it._

_He steeled himself and walked into hotel to find Dany in a secluded booth in the dark restaurant bar. She smiled when she saw him. He noticed there were already two empty martini glasses on the table and a half empty one in her hand. He shook his head and braced himself for this. He told himself he could order one drink, answer her questions and be out of here in under an hour._

_"Thank you for making yourself available," she greeted him warmly as the waiter came over. Jon ordered a Manhattan, which was their signature cocktail. Dany drained the rest of her current drink and ordered another dirty martini._

_"So what questions did you have?" Jon asked._

_"Right to business. I can appreciate that. However I think it would be helpful if we got to know each other first."_

_"Alright….. But you should know I'm just a junior account analyst. The handling of your company's account would normally never cross my desk. It would get assigned to someone, well probably a team of someones, with more experience. Possibly even Thorne himself if he thinks it'll be the best way to serve you."_

_Dany laughed and waved off his concerns. "How long have you been with Mr. Thorne?"_

_"I started after college, so less than a year."_

_"Hmm. Does he treat you well?"_

_"Umm…."_

_"I'm asking because I got the impression he normally treats you like a secretary, and from what I can tell you did a lot of the heavy lifting on this proposal."_

_The waiter came back then and dropped off their drinks. Jon took a long drink. "That's not entirely true….. Anyways, I'm not sure where you're going with this exactly."_

_"I'm just saying I have an eye for talent. You have a lot of potential. I could see you as a fit for our company at some point." Jon couldn't stop himself, he grimaced. "What?" she said with a light laugh. "Would you prefer to stay a secretary your whole career?"_

_She must have read the offended look on Jon's face. He was far from a secretary. And even if he was, she didn't need to say it like it was an insult._

_"Never mind, we can come back to that. So tell me more about you. Where'd you grow up? What do you do in your free time?"_

_"I don't really see what this has to do with our bid. I'm happy to go over….."_

_"Do you know a lot about our operation?"_

_"Umm…."_

_"We're family run. So when we do business with other corporations we like to think that they are joining our family. And you know your family don't you?"_

_Jon just stared at her. He wondered if he looked as sick as he felt. How was this even happening? He had avoided going home last month, avoided Sansa, just to steer clear of the Targaryens at a garden party. Now here he sat across from one being asked direct questions about his past. He started to feel resentment and anger bubbling up inside him._

_"I actually am rather familiar with TE, I grew up in Winter Falls. My mother even worked there for a time before I was born." This seemed to take her by surprise._

_"Well that's perfect! See it's like we're family already!" Jon almost choked on his drink, he hoped she couldn't see it in the dark. "I wish I could say I grew up there as well, but alas I spent my childhood in the finest boarding schools in Europe and then college on the east coast." She seemed to take Jon's pained expression as pity for her. "Oh it wasn't all bad, I'm fluent in several languages as a result."_

_"I'm sure that's useful in a multi-national corporation."_

_"Sure, sometimes. So what about you? Did you like growing up there? Did you go to school in state?"_

_"No, I went to Northwestern, that's how I came to be in Chicago. And growing up there was good. You've probably been there enough to know it feels like a small town but has most of the things you'd find in a major city."_

_"And yet you choose to stay in Chicago after school. The city must have some pull on you. Thankfully I spend most of my time in Florida. I hate the cold, requires too much clothing." He didn't like the way she was looking at him. He almost felt sorry for her though, she had no idea why it was so very wrong._

_"So, how do you spend your free time? Looks like you workout," she observed taking another sip of her martini. Her cheeks were rather flushed from the alcohol._

_He decided he needed to head off her interest and quick. He also knew he needed to do it in the most respectful and professional way possible so as not to insult her and blow the deal. "I mostly spend time with my girlfriend. We're high school sweethearts." It wasn't the complete truth, but then Sansa had been in high school when things had started, so it wasn't a complete lie. "She's an amazing photographer. We really like going to the museums here. That's one advantage the city has over home."_

_Dany blanched a bit as his answer. "Oh, well that's sweet. Am I keeping you from her tonight?"_

_"It's alright, she understands when I need to work late." He suddenly wondered when it had become so easy to lie. She looked bored now. Thorne was going to kill him if this lost them the deal. He sighed, no reason to let the Targaryens ruin his career the way they were ruining the rest of his life, right? He hoped his next move would not break the boundary he had just worked to establish. "Enough about me. Tell me some more about you and TE. My company is very very invested in making this deal work."_

_She was smiling again. "As I said we are family run. My father still oversees everything. He'll probably die in his office. We can thank my older brother for that."_

_That caught Jon's attention. Maybe this was his chance to find out more about his father. After all, he still wondered if the real monster was Rhaegar or Aerys. There were many days he tried to convince himself that his grandfather was the real problem. Dany's words gave him hope he hadn't been completely crazy to hope such a thing._

_"Oh," he tried to sound disinterested. "I take it you're not close then?" Dany studied him. She seemed to be taking his measure again. After a couple moments she seemed to decide he passed her inspection._

_"We are and we aren't I suppose."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"Because he was a selfish idiot. When he got out of college my father immediately gave him an executive position. And he did well for a while. He always had good business sense, common sense not as much….. Anyways, he made some stupid choices that pissed our father off. He's the reason that when Viserys, my other brother, and I got out of school we had to start at the bottom. I started in the mail room, Viserys started on the assembly line. God he was so pissed at that."_

_"I suppose he was concerned about entitlement?"_

_"Definitely. I understood why he was doing it. I accepted the challenge though. I've worked hard. I like to think I've made my father proud. I'm head of HR for the whole company now and I got there on my own merit. Viserys just whined. I think our father eventually promoted him to middle management and transferred him to Omaha just to be free of him."_

_"And your other brother?"_

_"Oh Rhaegar oversees the whole western zone. He's still pretty important, but father basically exiled him to California after his indiscretion. He's probably going to run for governor, or something, soon. Says he's had enough of our father. I think he convinced himself that he'd eventually be forgiven, that father would turn the company over. He vastly underestimated father's ability to hold a grudge. It's good they stay on opposite sides of the country most of the time, their alpha male antics are exhausting."_

_She finished the martini and started to laugh. "I should not be telling you any of this. You don't work part time for a newspaper right?"_

_"No. Anyways, I know how to keep a secret."_

_That earned him a smile and a knowing wink from her. "Another round?" the waiter asked. Jon still had half his drink but Dany ordered them another round anyways._

_"So, what did your brother do that was so bad?" She measured him again. "I'm not a reporter. Scout's honor." She laughed at that._

_"It's all rather cliché unfortunately. And trust me, being the head of HR for a major company confirms how cliché it is." She waved him to lean forward and then whispered, "He was weak, screwed his slutty secretary. Knocked her up with his bastard."_

_Jon felt his jaw clench and he sat back and finished his drink in one swallow._

_"I know in today's climate I shouldn't blame the "victim." She actually made air quotes as she spoke. "But let's be honest, I'm sure she was some young uneducated thing that saw my brother as a golden ticket out of her dead end shit life."_

_"So you didn't even know her?"_

_"God no. I was still in boarding school when it happened. My mother called me though, crying that my father was exiling her favorite child." He saw the annoyance pass over her face as she said that part. "She couldn't believe he was sending her grandbabies away. She was furious with both of them actually."_

_"Didn't she care about her other grandchild?"_

_"Doubtful, she said my father was rather clear that they would not be part of the family. I assumed they probably paid her have an abortion."_

_Jon said nothing. He wasn't sure how to respond. This family, his grandfather especially, was far worse than he had imagined._

_"Why in the hell did I just tell you all of that?! God, what is wrong with me? Do me a favor and just forgot all that." Jon just nodded in response, he didn't trust himself to speak. Dany sipped her drink and then regarded him. "You know Jon Snow, there's something about you that seems familiar, makes me feel like I've known you for years….. Maybe that's why I'm just babbling on and baring my soul to you. Well that and all these martinis." She sighed then and seemed to be searching for something in her near empty glass._

_Jon could see something in his aunt then. There seemed to be a loneliness. He recalled from a recent google search that she had been married once. In fact if he remembered correctly, her anniversary was soon, which might explain some of her behavior here. She had married her college sweetheart the summer after they graduated. He had been in ROTC, on his way to an officer's commission. It had been an odd match, and according to the gossip columns Aerys had not been thrilled with it, despite the fact they met at Princeton. Her husband had been called up and deployed during their first year of marriage. He had died in combat before their second anniversary. She had never remarried._

_"What?" she asked him. He realized he had been staring._

_"Nothing, sorry."_

_"You seem annoyed."_

_"I'm not."_

_"Is it because I called you a secretary earlier? I didn't mean to make you think I was implying you're a social climber like that secretary my brother knocked up… I don't want you to think I was trying to say you were like that."_

_"You don't even know me." Any pity he had started to feel for her earlier receded, she had insulted his mother one too many times._

_"True, but isn't that why we're here?"_

_"Did I mention my mother was a secretary at TE?"_

_Dany rolled her eyes. "I wasn't saying all secretaries are whores either. I don't dislike secretaries. I just dislike the one that was dumb enough to let my married brother knock her up."_

_"What if your brother's bastard, as you called him, what if he was still alive? Would your brother care?"_

_She drained the last of her drink and seemed to mull this over before she answered. "Honestly I doubt it. I don't think he's really that great of a father to the two he did raise. Seems to me he might have checked out on them. Aegon is a jackass. Rhaenys is a typical trust fund party girl. It's pathetic really. If that kid was alive they are probably far better off having never known my brother."_

_So Rhaegar wasn't a perfect father, he wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse. But then this was an assessment by another Targaryen. He wasn't sure he trusted it._

_"Anyways, nothing we are talking about has anything to do with why I asked you here. I still have questions about the proposal, as well as an offer of my own. But maybe we could discuss them in my room? I need to get away from the martinis."_

_"I need to leave."_

_"Oh come on, don't be like that. Are you actually upset because I called some unknown woman a whore? Or is it because I called you a secretary earlier? Be honest."_

_"I don't care what you called me, but I do care that you keep calling my mother a whore."_

_"What?!" she gasped and then stared at him. After a moment she started to laugh. "Oh wow. Ok, you got me good there Jon Snow. That is a fucked up joke. You're twisted, but I like that."_

_"I'm not joking." Dany watched him, and the laughter died on her lips and her eyes went wide. "Ask your brother, ask your father, ask one of them. Ask them about Lyanna Snow. Ask them about the baby boy born in Cleveland 24 years ago. Ask them."_

_Dany turned white and just stared at him. He rose to his feet, he didn't want to be near a Targaryen any longer. "And I would appreciate you not mentioning any of this to Mr Thorne. I'm happy to go on keeping secrets as long as you consider our proposal on its merits and nothing more. Take care Daenerys."_

_He didn't wait for a response. He simply turned and walked away without looking back._

_xxxxxxxx_

_Two weeks later he found himself waiting for the Starks in a hotel lobby in Rhode Island. He was thankful for the timing of Robb's wedding, it gave him something other than his own thoughts to focus on. He had spent significant time the last couple of weeks brooding over the exchange with his aunt. He hadn't heard anything further from Dany or any Targaryen. He wasn't sure what to make of that. Last week TE had signed the contract with his company though and thankfully, as predicted, Jon was nowhere near their account._

_"Jon!" he heard Sansa cry. He turned just in time to watch as she ran across the hotel lobby and launched herself into his arms._

_"Hey baby," he whispered as he wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her. The kiss lasted longer than was probably proper for a public place, but neither of them cared. It had been over three months since they had last seen each other._

_"God, get a room," Arya groaned as she came upon them._

_"I wish," Sansa murmured in his ear as he released her._

_"Hey Arya," Jon greeted her._

_"Hey yourself stranger. Kinda nonsense we have to come all the way to Rhode Island to see you, don't you think?" Arya said in return._

_"I'll just take that to mean you missed me. Sorry it's been so long. I've been swamped with work."_

_"Jon!" they heard Bran and Rickon call as they entered the lobby. He looked up to see Ned walking in with Catelyn as well. She looked thin and tired but she had a smile on. Sansa had told him she was actually doing better. She was in between chemo rounds specifically so she won't feel terrible the whole weekend. Ned greeted him with a handshake and Catelyn gave him a long hug. He suddenly felt terrible he hadn't seen her since March._

_"How's everything coming along?" Catelyn asked._

_"Good as far as I can tell. Mrs Westerling runs a tight ship, she basically banned all the groomsmen though. Apparently we don't curl ribbon in the correct underhand fashion."_

_"We'll go offer our assistance once we check in then," she responded with a gentle smile._

_"Alright, I'll get us checked in and then we'll get lunch," Ned said as he settled Cat on the lobby sofa._

_"Arya can you take my bag up?" Sansa asked her sister._

_"Yeah sure." Sansa thanked her sister, kissed her mother on the cheek and then took Jon's hand and proceeded to walk away. "Enjoy your make out session," Arya called after them. They heard Rickon laugh and Cat chide Arya. But Sansa didn't care, not when she had Jon right here in front of her._

_They headed out into the gardens, ducking into a thicket of trees that blocked them from view. Jon pushed her against a tree and feasted on her mouth. Sansa kissed him back just as intensely but when his hand grazed her breast she swatted it away with a giggle. The tension that had been building between them in the early part of summer seemed to have completely melted away when they saw each other. Sansa regretted in this moment that they hadn't done this sooner. She told herself that they would need to make an effort to see each other more if they were to survive what lay ahead, but she quickly pushed that thought away. For the moment she just wanted to be happy and enjoy being here with him._

_"I take it you missed me as much as Arya," he sighed as they stood with their foreheads tipped together._

_"Maybe not as much as her," she teased._

_"I'm not sure I can hold out till Sunday," he said and grabbed her butt and pulled her against him. She could feel against her thigh one of the ways he missed her._

_She kissed him softly. "I know, but we have the wedding to deal with. Plus I'm sharing a room with Arya and you're with Theon, I think we have little choice."_

_"Ugh, Theon, don't remind me," he groaned._

_"Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll shack up with one of the bridesmaids."_

_"Not likely, after his antics at the engagement party with Eleyna, he's been declared persona non grata among all the girls. It's made him quite unbearable." They laughed at Theon's expense._

_"Well then we'll just have to wait till we get to Cape Cod. I'm just so relieved Mr Thorne gave you the vacation days for once."_

_"Yeah, well he owed me after the TE deal."_

_Jon's phone buzzed and he took it out and glanced at it. He sighed. "Duty calls."_

_"I should check on my mom anyways." They walked back towards the hotel and he told her he thought Cat looked good. She told him she seemed to be rallying wonderfully for Robb's wedding. She realized her brother hadn't been completely wrong when he'd said his wedding gave their mother something to live for._

_"I'll see you at dinner," Jon said kissing her cheek._

_"Say hi to Robb, tell him to let me know if he or Jeyne needs anything." And with that they went their separate ways._

_xxxxxxx_

_The wedding had been beautiful. It had done her mother good to have the whole family back together for once. But now that the festivities were over with, Sansa was excited to be on the way to Cape Cod with Jon, alone. They were planning to spend the next two nights there and fly out of Boston Tuesday afternoon._

_They were booked into a cute bed and breakfast right on the beach. Though at the moment the only thing they cared about was the bed. They had barely had a moment alone the last few days and after months apart it had been near torture to be so close, and yet so far from release. In fact, if there hadn't been such heavy traffic on the road they might have tried to stop for a roadside rendezvous._

_They arrived too early to check in and so they had lunch at a little cafe and then had walked the beach, wading and splashing in the shallow surf._

_When 3pm came they beelined it to the hotel. The old woman running the inn was sweet, but Sansa found she had no patience or desire to hear about the amenities or dinner recommendations. After what seemed like forever, the woman gave them their keys and led them to their room._

_She let them in with the intention to further explain the quirks of the bathroom but Jon told her they'd figure it out, handed twenty dollars and ushered her out the door._

_"God I hope she's hard of hearing," Sansa joked as soon as he shut the door and drew the chain._

_"Why's that?" Jon asked turning to her with a wicked grin._

_"No reason." Jon took it as a challenge. He crossed the room in two steps and pulled her against him hard. He kissed her and they fell back towards the bed._

_"Have I told you how much I missed you?" he asked between kisses._

_"Only every hour of every day since last Thursday," she breathed as he kissed down her neck._

_"Well I still don't know if that is enough to relay the depth of my feelings." Sansa rolled them so she was on top and pulled off her top and undid her bra. She smiled down at him as he reached up to cup her exposed breasts._

_"Stop waxing poetic and fuck me Jon."_

_"As you wish," he said and sat up to pull his shirt off. Sansa jumped back and pulled off her shorts and panties as Jon did the same. He pulled her back on top of him and guided her hips over his until she was in position and sank down on him._

_"Oh my god did I miss you," he groaned as he tightened his grip. She let out a laugh and began to ride him._

_It had been nearly four months, neither of them lasted long. After a few short minutes Sansa rolled off him and snuggled next to him. He hugged her close and kissed her forehead._

_"I'm only gonna need like five minutes and then we go again," he informed her._

_"That's too long," she teased. Jon reached over and tickled her side in response. She shrieked and pushed his hand away._

_Seeing Sansa, having her in his arms like that, had put the world right again. For the first time in months Jon felt nearly whole. Seeing his best friend marry had given him hope. He was thankful that soon Sansa would be back in Chicago and he could finally tell her everything that he had been holding back. They would be able to have a clean start come fall._

_She started to stroke her hand down his chest and run her tongue over the shell of his ear. She knew that drove him crazy. He sighed and turned his head to kiss her as she wrapped her hand around him and started to gentle tug at him. It didn't take long for him to stand at attention and roll on top of her._

_He lasted longer this time. By the time he released her he had made Sansa whimper his name at least three times. They lay tangled together, this time in a sweaty heap._

_"This was one of my better ideas," he sighed as he lazily traced his fingers over her arm. Sansa hummed in agreement. "I think I should've booked us here longer," he added as she started to kiss his ear once more._

_xxxxx_

_They spent the following day laying on the beach and walking through town. Jon wished he really had booked them for longer but he was grateful they had been able to have this time together to reconnect. It reaffirmed the feeling he had yesterday. He knew once Sansa was back in Chicago they would be alright again, the pain of the summer would be over. He looked forward to no longer keeping secrets from her._

_They made love again Monday night as a summer storm blew in after sunset. They lay curled into each other and Sansa wished they didn't have to leave in the morning._

_"It'll be fine. Just focus on the fact that in a couple of weeks you'll be back in the city and we can go back to doing something like this every Sunday."_

_He felt her take a deep breath and then she untangled herself from him and got out of bed. She took one of the plush white robs from the closet and tied it around her. She turned and faced him and had the most pained look on her face._

_"I need to tell you something," she said in a soft voice. Jon sat up, alarmed by her seriousness._

_"Are you alright?"_

_"I'm fine…. But my mom still needs me. She's going to start another round of chemo next week. The boys will be back at school soon and… and Arya is going to be gone."_

_Jon felt his heart drop into his stomach, it made it hard to breathe. "Ok. So, what does that mean for you?" he finally forced out._

_Sansa took a deep breath. "I'm not going to be able to come back to Chicago this fall."_

_"So that's it? No discussion?" Jon stared at her and felt all the hope that he had just acknowledged yesterday shatter. "Just like with the housing," he added before he could stop himself._

_"Jon –"_

_"Were you even planning to tell me this in person?"_

_"I was! I was! I planned to tell you on this trip. I thought I'd do it sooner, but then…. I missed you so much. I didn't want to ruin it….. I knew it would ruin it. And I just wanted us to be happy for a little bit before… before I ruined it."_

_He stared at her with a deep intensity, his breath coming in deep hard bursts. His jaw was set, his eyes hard and dark. "Are we a couple or not?" he finally asked._

_His words cut her to the core. She knew he was justified in his anger in this moment. She had done this all wrong. She knew the news would upset him, so she had decided to withhold it. She hadn't wanted it to overshadow the whole weekend. She knew now she had made a huge mistake. But his words and expression still hurt her deeply._

_"How can you ask that?" She looked genuinely hurt by his question but he didn't care. She was hurting him. She was leaving him yet again, just like his parents. He could feel nothing else but hurt and rage now._

_"Because couples communicate. They discuss this kind of stuff. And you never seem to want discuss anything with me."_

_"I don't want to discuss things?" And now Sansa felt full of rage. When exactly did he expect them to discuss things? He was only a four hour commute from her. And yet she'd had to come half way across the country just to see him. They had hardly spoken since he had called her the night of the TE deal. At first she hadn't noticed it, she'd been busy helping everyone get ready for the wedding trip. When she did realize it, she had wondered if he might have been upset she'd had gotten off the phone so abruptly when he had wanted a pep talk, but the deal had closed. How could he still be upset about that? And here they were again, with him just assuming he knew her plans, she couldn't recall the last time he had asked her about coming back._

_"This decision wasn't about you," she bit back, "It's about helping my family. You of all people should understand that."_

_"So I guess that means I'm not family to you then." His voice seethed with anger._

_"That is not what I meant. You're mad, you're twisting things! Of course you're my family too!" She threw her hands up and stormed to the patio doors and looked out at the clouds and lighting roiling over the ocean. She couldn't look at him right now. He might be justified in his anger but he had no right to twist her words to make her feel worse._

_"Have you ever once considered that I might need you too?" His voice came out small and soft, she thought she heard it tremble._

_"What?" she asked turning back to him. "What do you mean?"_

_He saw the confusion in her expression. For a split second he wondered if he should just tell her everything about the Targaryens right here and now. But then he thought better of it. It would be fighting dirty. To drop something like that on her in this moment, to declare 'You didn't see it, you didn't see me,' it would be too cruel. It would devastate her. And then what? She'd apologize? Come to Chicago to hold his hand and help him through it? Leave her parents and brothers to cope on their own? Or worse, what if it didn't change anything or it just made her angry? What if she still didn't pick him? And anyways, this fight was not about him and what he had done, this was about her and her choices. The choices she was making without any concern for him. Which was completely unfair since he'd spent these last few months making difficult decisions specifically with her in mind._

_"Nothing. I didn't mean anything by it," he said after a long pause._

_"No, you can't do that. What did you mean?"_

_"I just meant that I take you into consideration when I make decisions. I would appreciate the same from you. Do you know I just turned down a promotion because it would've meant moving to Tennessee? I turned it down because I thought you were coming back to Chicago!"_

_"I didn't ask you to do that! And it's not like you discuss that with me."_

_"I didn't need to because I was sticking to the original plan. To OUR plan."_

_"OUR plan had to change! And if it's that big of a deal then take the goddamn job! I need to be in Winter Falls for now anyways."_

_"It seems to me that if you go back there you'll probably never leave again," Jon declared._

_"Why would you say that? And even if that was true, would it be so terrible? They need me. I can't just ignore that need."_

_"I'm telling you now. I'm never going to move back there. That will never be my home again. If you stay….."_

_"What are you saying?"_

_"I'm saying I love you, but I'm not going to live there again, not now, not ever."_

_"What does that mean for us?" Sansa asked her heart slowly breaking._

_"I don't know."_

_They stayed up late arguing. All the pain that they had repressed from the last four months came spilling out. Sansa had railed at him for being distance, for always seeming to pick his job over her. He shot back that it didn't seem like she needed him around anyways because clearly she wanted to make all her decisions without him._

_They had gone to bed angry. When they got up they barely spoke and they drove the three hours back to Boston in silence, playing the radio loudly to fill the space. Sansa made a point to change the station anytime a love song came on and blast any break up song. It was childish, she didn't care. She was grateful they were on separate flights going home. She didn't trust herself to make it all day without snapping at him again. They were supposed to do a little sight-seeing before their flights but now they seemed at loose ends. Jon eased the car into a parking spot near Bunker Hill and turned it off._

_"I think we need to take a break," he said as they both stared out the windshield._

_"We?" she asked shooting him a pointed look. "I think you've already been on break." She could barely contain the frustration she felt towards him. She had tried all summer to ignore them, but her friends had been right. He wanted out, but he was just too nice or cowardly to be the one to end it, he was going to make her do it._

_"That's not exactly a fair assessment. From what I recall you are the one that keeps leaving me. First for Margaery and now….."_

_"You've got to be kidding me! You're actually angry I'm helping my sick mother? God, I never would've imagined you could be so…"_

_"So what?"_

_"Why can't you just come home?"_

_"That's not my home Sansa, not anymore. Maybe it never should have been." It was where he was raised, it was where his mother had spent years lying to him in the shadow of his father's empire. It was not his home._

_"What does that even mean? And why not? I'm there. Isn't your home with me? Didn't you say that to me once?"_

_"It's not that easy."_

_"Why? Because you love Chicago so much? Because that fucking job of yours is so important?"_

_"We had a life there, a happy life! It was ours, just ours. You left. You have your reasons, but you still left. You're choosing not to come back to it. My job's important because it's all I have left now. You have other priorities, I get it. But don't fault me to clinging to something because at least I know it won't cast me aside or decide it has other options."_

_"Other options?! Are you serious?! And it's a job Jon! It can always cast you aside! Did you suddenly get a new boss? Because given all you have told me, I doubt you think Thorne has some sense of loyalty to you. You aren't even making any sense. You're talking about it like it's a person!"_

_"That's –"_

_"And I didn't cast you aside! I'm helping my family. The same way you helped Lyanna. Why, how can you be angry about that?"_

_"Sansa, I…" He wasn't sure how to explain himself. She was right. And really this wasn't just about her. This was about so much more, deception, abandonment, loss, anger. He had lost control of his emotions ever since he had read Lyanna's letter. How could his mother do this to him? How could she just drop a bomb like that when she knew she wouldn't be here to pick up the pieces? Why couldn't she have just taken the secret to her grave? He cursed himself for every time he'd pushed her for the truth._

_Sansa's voice broke through his thoughts. "You've changed." Jon shook his head, more at his own thoughts then her words, but Sansa took it as a response to her. "Ok, well then maybe what I need from you changed." He looked at her blankly. "Or maybe I've just been blind all these years, maybe I'm just finally seeing the real you." She said the words to hurt him. She wanted him to feel what she felt in this moment._

_Her words registered and Jon looked at her, wounded. "You think I'm terrible person now. Is that it? That all I care about is my job and money. You think I'm selfish."_

_"I – I – it's not…. I didn't mean…... But you're…... You're not there for me Jon. Not like I need you to be." Tears started to slide down her cheeks._

_"I guess I feel the same."_

_Sansa started to sob. Whether Jon was admitting he couldn't give her what she needed or was accusing her of not being there for him, it didn't matter. It seemed clear they were too broken now. She couldn't keep doing this with him, it was too much. She couldn't be everything for everyone._

_"Sansa, wait, I'm sorry. Please…" She held up her hand, she didn't want to discuss this anymore, there was no point._

_She forced herself to stop crying. "Let's just go to the airport. You're right, we need a break," she said between ragged breaths._

_"But –"_

_"I've made my decision. I don't want to talk about this anymore. Maybe in a few days, but not today."_

_And there it was, his anger flared anew. She was making all the decisions again, reminding him yet again that he had no say, that he never had any say. Without a word he started the car and headed towards the airport._

xxxxxxx

Present

"Say something, please," Jon pleaded. They had been sitting on the bed for a while. He had finished his confession several minutes ago and Sansa had yet to say anything. In fact, she had barely looked at him.

"It's a lot to process," she said finally, staring out the window. For the first time in years Jon found her expression was unreadable. She needed to think, not just to process all he had revealed, but to attempt to close the old wounds that were now ripped open.

"I need a minute," she said and got up and went in the bathroom. The torrent of emotions that were flooding through her made it too hard to be next to him right now. She was grateful he had told her, her heart ached for him, that he had suffered all that pain and rejection alone. But another part of her was angry. Angry with the terrible family that had abandoned him, but she was also angry with Jon. Why had he not told her sooner? Why had he be willing to sacrifice their relationship instead of just being honest? Why hadn't he trusted her with the information? She was also angry with herself. How had she missed the pain he was in? The need that he had for her? She had failed him as well. She started to feel tears of frustration and anger build in her eyes.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She pictured the sunrise from a couple of days ago, focusing on that feeling for several minutes. Eventually, when she felt more steadied and centered, she opened her eyes.

She stood and went back in to the room. Jon stood up and began to speak. "I'm sorry you're angry. I'm sorry –"

"No, don't, not yet. Just give me a couple more minutes, please?"

Jon closed his mouth and nodded in agreement.

She walked to the table and opened a bottle of wine and poured herself a glass. She drank it and then poured another. She kept her back to him the entire time.

"Just let me have it. Say what you want to say," he told her. He couldn't bear her silence anymore.

"You should've told me when you found out. I can't believe you didn't tell me something like that."

"I know. But I didn't tell anyone."

"I don't care! That's not the point. The point is you didn't tell ME! Why didn't you tell ME?!" she yelled, whirling around to face him, her anger spilling over. He watched her as she took deep stuttered breaths, trying not to cry in frustration.

"Because there was nothing you could have done. I wanted to tell you, I almost did a hundred times, but then something would happen. I knew if I told you you'd have wanted to help me, or I don't know….. I just knew telling you would make you feel like you'd have to stay or come back or… you couldn't have been in two places that summer." He knew what he had just said wasn't the complete truth. That had been part of it, he hadn't wanted her to feel pulled in two directions, but another part had been self-preservation.

"So it was all about me? You kept it from me because of me? You didn't think I was strong enough to handle it?" She looked wounded and a couple of tears slid down her cheek.

He took a deep breath. "I didn't want to put you in a position to have to choose. Not because of you… because of me. I didn't want you to have to choose between your mom and me. Because as much as I would have on some level understood you choosing your mom, it still would've destroyed me, utterly destroyed me. Can you understand that? I couldn't have another person not chose me. Another person leave ME." His voice broke as he finished and he looked away.

Sansa opened her mouth to protest and then closed it. He was right, she wasn't sure who she would've chosen at the time, hell, she still didn't know now. And that mattered, because wasn't the same thing happening now? Wasn't she going to have to pick between him and Bran when this trip ended?

"I honestly don't know what to say to that," she said after several minutes. "You're right, I don't know what I would've done."

"It doesn't matter now. I probably got what I deserved. My decision drove you away in the end."

"Hey," she began, softening her tone even more. "I can only imagine what that had to feel like, that every choice was going to hurt somehow. But I still wish you had told me. It might have changed everything." He looked unconvinced. "Or maybe it won't have," she conceded. "But at least I would have been able to understand what was happening. I won't have been so angry with you. I hated that you withdrew from me. Do you know how alone I felt?"

"I realize that now. But at the time… I was just as alone and angry, and so many terrible things. I know that's not an excuse. I just…."

"Do you want to know what I thought? What I felt that summer?" She wanted him to know. She wanted everything to be known between them so that they could work pass the hurt and resentment.

"Tell me."

"You made me feel like I had been blind, that I had shitty judgment." He looked confused as she continued. "I loved you for so long. I thought I knew you almost as well as I knew myself. We'd been through so much together, seen each other at our best and at our lowest. I thought I knew you. And then it seemed like you were becoming someone else. Someone that was obsessed with work, that didn't care about family, someone that…." She stopped abruptly.

"Someone that what?"

"Someone that didn't need me, didn't want me."

"Sansa."

"Actually no, it was worse than that… Honestly at the time I had wondered if you'd become someone that would cheat on me. I told myself you won't, but I wondered if you had met someone else and that was why you were driving me away. You wanted me to end it so you won't feel guilty when you moved on….. I kept reading all these articles that said if your man is always working late or traveling for business that he might be cheating on you. Nothing else made sense, so I couldn't help but wonder….."

"You really thought that? Sansa, I would never…... I can't imagine ever wanting anyone but you."

He stepped closer to her and she felt chills pass over her body at his words. She didn't acknowledge them though, she was scared he might not even have realized what he'd said. So instead she responded, "At the time there was so much going on, but I think I always knew you were hiding something from me. You were so distance and I felt like you were avoiding me, that maybe you didn't want to face me. It seemed like the most logical conclusion."

"I never knew you were worried about that. I'm sorry I made you feel like that. There wasn't anyone else. It was just me, my anger and my grief. You were…." He was right in front of her now. He took her hand and placed it on his heart, with his other hand he cupped her cheek and made her look at him. "You ARE, the only one that has any space in my heart."

"Jon," she pleaded as she shook her head a couple of times.

"I know you're upset and you need to process all this. But I can wait, I will wait. I should've never kept the truth from you. I should have never pushed you away."

Tears spilled out of her eyes then. He drew her against him. She looked up at him and he looked back. They were both breathing heavily now. Neither of them had any idea who moved first but a moment later they were kissing. They both seemed to be pouring every bit of pain and regret into that kiss. It started bitter, tasting of tears, but as they kissed the pain faded away and a sweetness replaced it. After a couple minutes she pulled away and looked at him. He gave her a tentative smile. She could see the hope there.

She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. "Jon. I'm not sure it's just that easy to go back," she whispered. It felt like a punch to the gut and he stepped back, releasing her, and turned away to hide the pain on his face. He had been wrong, he knew that now. He had done too much damage to them.

She reached out and took his arm and turned him back to her. "Hey, I'm not saying that because I don't want to be with you, but the issues with your father, your family, they are still unresolved. I don't think we can try to rebuild our relationship when the Targaryens and all the issues that go with them are still taking up so much space in your life."

"You're right. Which is why we're here. There's one more thing I need to tell you. I need to tell you the real reason for this trip."

She drew her hand away. She had known there was more to the story since the day she had agreed to come. She had seen it in his face in the diner in Indianapolis, in the way he had avoided some of her questions on the road in Missouri. She had to admit now that she had decided to ignore them then because she wanted to be here with him. She had wanted to see what would happen if they spent time together. "I thought we were here because…. I thought we were going on an adventure to the ocean," she said half-heartedly.

"We are. I'm going to take you to the ocean…. But Santa Monica, that's not the true end of it…... God, I'm such a selfish asshole. I'm sorry." He sighed. "I never intended, never thought….." He paused and took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. He finally opened them and held her gaze.

"I want you to know that you are the one person that has been there for me when things have fallen apart. I made a mistake not letting you be there for me when all this started, when I read the letter. And I'm even more sorry I wasn't there for you last year, that I couldn’t be what you needed. And for the way things ended…. Well, it was all my fault."

She took his hand. They had both made mistakes in the past. "I appreciate you saying that," she began. "But we both know I wasn't blameless either. I did things that hurt you too."

He exhaled, nodded slightly and gave her the smallest hint of a sad smile.

"You know, I didn't originally intend to drag you in to this part of. I had planned to do this myself. I had been thinking about it, planning it, since Aerys died six weeks ago. But I kept talking myself out of it. And then I saw you the night of the funeral. Seeing you again made me realize I need to do this if I ever want to get passed it. And I need to get passed it. I can’t be what you need, what you deserve if I stay this broken. So I have to see him, I have to know….." He looked desperate and apologetic. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just.... I liked being with you again, being close to you. I was worried if I told you that you’d want to leave."

"Jon," she said placing her hand on his cheek. "If you had told me you needed me I won't have left."

"I know that now."

"So then what is this? Where are we going?"

He took a deep breath and let it out. "We're going to California so I can confront my father."


	17. Las Vegas, NV - Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ll let them out of Vegas next chapter, I swear!

_Past_

_It was a month into the new year, late in the day on a Friday afternoon, and Jon sat at his desk spending the end of the day like he did all the others; staring out the window. Today he was watching as the snowflakes blanketed the street and the cars below. He supposed he should be enjoying the beauty of it, but he just couldn't. He had been unsettled and unhappy for months now. Ever since the weekend of Robb's wedding when he had managed to destroy the last good thing in his life._

_Sansa had texted him the day after they had parted in Boston, stating that she wanted them to take a two week communication break. She thought it would do them good to reflect on what they wanted and the things they had said to each other over the weekend. He had agreed._

_Two weeks later Sansa had ended their relationship via an email. She had kept it simple, almost clinical, telling him she had thought about it, and they had both said all they needed to in New England. She told him the timing was clearly all wrong for them, that they had different priorities now. She had wished him well and had ended the email by saying she hoped that one day they might learn to be friends again._

_He had thought about driving to Winter Falls and begging her to forgive him, but he knew it would do little good. She was right, they did have different priorities now. And in those two weeks he had become angrier, not so much with her anymore, but with himself and the parents that had left him. He had started to realize he was damaged and broken, and he often felt sorry for himself. Clearly he was no good for her, especially right now. So he would let her go, but not before leaving her one long voicemail the following weekend after a few drinks._

_He still didn't completely recall exactly what he had said, but he did recall saying something to the effect that it was clear he was not what anyone wanted or needed. Whatever it was, Sansa had not taken it well. She had texted him the following day to tell him not to call her anymore if all he could do was accuse her of abandoning him. He hadn't contacted her for months after that._

_He looked at the clock on his computer, he had one more hour to go before he could leave for the week. He put his face in his hands. He wished he could just leave now, though he had plenty of work to do. He had been at a new low since coming back from Ann Arbor where he had attended Robb and Jeyne's New Year's Eve party._

_He tried to tell himself that this time it wasn't all his fault. But in truth he knew it was. Because every time he let his mind wander back to that night, all he could do was picture Sansa, standing before him, her chin trembling just the slightest as she had bit her lower lip and forced herself not to cry at the sight of him. He had done that to her, to them. He deserved to feel like shit._

_After their breakup he had thrown himself into work. He had told himself the less time he had to think about his father and Sansa the better. Thorne had been pleased with his new devotion to the job. In fact, he even started to praise Jon for his dedication. Once he even told him he thought he saw his younger self in Jon. That had disturbed him, he did not want to be like Alliser. But with little else to fill his life he couldn't help but think it might very well be his future. Regardless of his feelings, they closed several major accounts in the final quarter. It had earned him a long weekend for New Year's._

_Against his better judgment he had decided to change his mind and accept Robb's invitation to his New Year's party. He had declined the initial invitation weeks ago, telling Robb it would be unfair to Sansa. Robb hadn't been pleased, reminding him they would have to see each other eventually. But then Robb had phoned him the day after Christmas to press him one more time. He gave him the same sales pitch he had the last couple of times they spoke, explaining again that the party was important to Jeyne. It was their first New Year's as a married couple after all, and Robb explained Jeyne was working very hard to establish them as the "New Year's people." Plus they'd appreciate his help setting up for it. Jon thanked him and then brought up Sansa again._

_"That's the thing. I don't expect her to come. I mean there's a chance I suppose, but I doubt she will. We've been arguing a bit since mom had to have more surgery last month. Yesterday evening got a bit heated," Robb informed him._

_Jon didn't ask for details, he didn't want to know because he was rather certain he would side with Sansa, and he had no desire to be on the outs with yet another Stark. But upon hearing she was not planning to be there, Jon decided it would be ok if he was. It would be nice to get out of the city and see some of his friends after months alone. Hell he'd even be happy to see Theon. Christmas and Thanksgiving had been rather lonely since he had spent both day at the local movie theater alone. So he told Robb he would likely come, but he added that he wasn't promising because Thorne could always revoke his time off._

_"Fine. And just to make it easier on everyone, I won't tell Sansa you're planning on coming. I don't want to give her more ammo for her rants about your job or your ability to be away from the city," Robb told him._

_Jon sighed. "She's got every right to be angry about that. Let her rant if she wants. I deserve every word of it."_

_"I don't get you two," Robb informed him. "She might rant about you some days, but then other days she'll asks me about you and seems so sad and 's just so strange to me."_

_"Is this your nice way of saying she only sorta hates me?"_

_"She's mad at you. That's rather clear, but I doubt she hates you. Sansa can't bring herself to hate anyone, I think she lacks the ability honestly…"_

_"She might make an exception for me," Jon countered._

_"This right here is why I was not thrilled when you told me about your relationship… I knew something like this might happen," Robb stated sounding annoyed. "Also you're breaking our pact."_

_Jon sighed. He and Robb had agreed long ago, back when he had first told him that he was dating his sister, that they wouldn't discuss the relationship in depth or detail. It went without saying that they would never discuss sex. They had further agreed that if things ever went south, Jon was not to come to him for advice or to vent about his sister, since at the end of the day she would always be his sister. They had actually done well in keeping to it, even thru the break up. Jon didn't mind, he had Sam and Pyp, and he would never expect or want Robb to side against his sister anyways._

_"Sorry," Jon said._

_"Listen, I'll say this and then we will go back to not speaking about it. I don't know what all went down with you two and again, I don't want to. But I think she misses you sometimes. Seems clear you miss her too. Do what you will with that….. Anyways, like I said, I don't get you two, but I wish you both would figure out how to be happy again at some point."_

_Jon wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Umm, thanks?"_

_"I meant that more as a warning to not bring my party down please."_

_He tried to take his warning seriously, but when he had arrived at Robb's Friday night he was told again Sansa wasn't coming. He had felt a stab of disappoint. He realized then that perhaps the real reason he had decided to come was for the slightest chance to see her. Especially after he had spent the last few days letting Robb's words make him wonder if there was still a chance they could work things out._

_But he pushed passed the disappointment and did his best to help them set up and prepare for the party. And then a miracle had occurred. Roughly an hour and a half into the party Sansa had arrived with Alys Karstark, a friend of hers who lived in Ann Arbor attending the university. She had seemed shocked to see him. And then he recalled Robb hadn't told her he would be there. He realized then she probably thought it was an ambush._

_She had then made a point of sticking to Alys or Jeyne's side most of the night. And he caught her more than once watching him with apprehension from across the room. But they couldn't avoid each other all night. Eventually they had encountered each other in the hallway near the bathroom._

_The exchange that followed had been awkward and strained. He had apologized if his presence had made her uncomfortable. She told him it was fine, that it was her own fault since she had told Robb she had no intention of coming. They had tried to make small talk after that, he had started by asking after everyone in her family. He hadn't felt it was his right to ask her how she was doing just yet. She had answered his inquiries politely. He tried to relax, he planned to ask her how she was doing, but then he had picked up on the slightest tremble of her chin and he knew she was fighting to hold it together in front of him. He didn't want to hurt her any worse than he had, so he thought it best to end the conversation instead._

_"Well, I need to go find Robb, I think he wanted help with the fireworks. I'm sure you probably want to get back to your friends anyways," he said._

_He had thought he had seen a flash of pain and disappointment in her eyes. "Yeah, I suppose. Well, happy New Year Jon," she had said weakly and then turned and went down the hall back to the party._

_He had analyzed their conversation the whole drive back to Chicago and admonished himself for not focusing solely on her in those brief moments, for not making her the priority in that conversation. In the weeks following he had started to wonder what might have happened if he had just kissed her, told her he still loved her. Maybe he should've just taken her from there and told her everything. It was just another missed opportunity in a long line of them._

_Since then he spent the end of most of his work days staring out the window and brooding over it all. It was starting to effect his work performance. He should be spending his time doing the forecast for his mid-year renewals. Especially given that Thorne had decided to set some rather aggressive goals for their team for the year._

_But again, here it was late in the day and all he could do was think about the ways he had allowed the Targaryens and himself to mess up his life. These were the moments he wondered what it might be like to have a father who could give him relationship advice. Or a mother that was still alive, who might be able to tell him how to try and win Sansa back. If he had a normal family would he have been better for her? Could he have actually been what she needed?_

_"Hey Jon," Roz, the receptionist, said approaching his desk._

_He turned back from the window and looked at her. "Hey, what's up?"_

_"Some guy's in the lobby looking for you. Did Alliser schedule a client this late on a Friday?"_

_"No, I don't think so. I'll go see what's up."_

_He got up from his desk and headed towards reception. He walked into the lobby to find a man in an impressively tailored suit waiting for him._

_"Hello. I'm Jon Snow. I'm told you asked to see me, Mr…"_

_The man shook his hand. "Mr. Hightower. Is there somewhere we can speak in private?"_

_Jon felt his insides twist and turn to lead. The last time an unknown man had sought him out at work it had started the destruction of his life. He felt anxiety spill through his veins at the memory. He led Mr. Hightower to a small conference room off the lobby and closed the door._

_"I imagine you probably have no idea who I am and why I'm here," the man began. Jon nodded. "I represent the Targaryen family. I'm their personal attorney. I handle all of their delicate personal and confidential matters." The anxiety was turning to dread now, roiling and burning him from the inside. Jon tried to control his expression and said nothing, waiting for the man to go on. He didn't though. He was waiting, watching Jon and cataloging his reaction._

_Jon couldn't take the man studying him for too long and was the first to relent. "And what do they want?" he asked as he struggled to keep his voice steady._

_"Several months ago Danerys relayed a message to the family from you. I'm here to follow up on that threat."_

_"Threat?" Jon asked incredulously._

_"You're making some wild accusations Mr. Snow. Accusations that could prove a problem for some of the Targaryen's plans in the near future. We'd like to do what we can to clear up any possible misunderstandings."_

_"Misunderstandings? I don't think I've misunderstood anything." The attorney was studying him again. Jon could see he was calculating things in his head. This time Jon waited for him to finish his assessment of him._

_"You're a man of modest means at best, right?" Hightower began. "From what we know of you, your job is a step or two above entry level but not much more. I've been authorized to pay you one hundred thousand dollars to sign a non-disclosure agreement."_

_Jon stared at the attorney. They wanted to buy his silence. He wondered why now? If Danerys had told them about their encounter months ago, why seek him out now? Why pay him now? He said as much to the attorney._

_"Don't concern yourself with the details. I think it's a rather generous offer for someone like you."_

_"Someone like me," Jon repeated. His fear had started to turn to anger. "So what is in this NDA exactly?"_

_"Just that you will not repeat your claim to anyone from this day forward. And that you'll stay away from the Targaryens."_

_"So they want to pay me one hundred thousand dollars just so I don't repeat what could be nothing more than a lie?" The attorney said nothing, but Jon saw his eyes dart away from his for a split second. That one movement was all the confirmation he needed to know that the Targaryens didn't view it as a lie. He had long believed his mother's words, but there was something about this moment. Something about someone representing his father's family acknowledging it that sparked something inside him. He didn't want their money, he wanted answers._

_"I'm not sure the money is all that important to me."_

_"Fair enough, but won't it be nice to have anyways? You could take a nice vacation or put a down payment on a nice apartment."_

_"I don't need either of those right now."_

_"Listen, do what you want with it, but I would encourage you to take the offer Mr. Snow…... Tell you what, what if we offered you two hundred and fifty thousand instead?"_

_Jon felt his eyes go wide. "Why are they so interested in me suddenly? Why is my silence worth so much to them?"_

_"The why is not important. Do you agree or not?"_

_"I'd really like more of an explanation."_

_The attorney sighed and shook his head. "It's unfortunate you are making it come to this." Jon felt the fear coming back. "As I understanding it, you are rather friendly with Ned Stark, yes?"_

_Jon felt his blood run cold. "What's that have to do with anything?"_

_"Nothing really, we're just talking. Did you know the Targaryen's PAC donates to a lot of campaigns?"_

_"Why would I know that? Why would I care?"_

_"Maybe you don't. But I do wonder what would happen if a large donation was made to whoever runs against Mr. Stark in the next election."_

_"You leave them out of this. This has nothing to do with the Starks."_

_"You're right. This is about you and the Targaryens. So let me clue you in on dealing with them. The Targaryens are not ones to be refused when they offer a fair deal. And if they feel disrespected, well there is no telling how they might react."_

_Jon could feel the threat looming in the man's words. He knew what his mother's letter had said, that they had basically threaten to kill her if she did not agree to their terms. These were not good, kind people he was dealing with._

_"Can you answer something for me first?" He had not intended for any of this, he did not want the Targaryens threatening him or anyone else he cared about._

_"Perhaps."_

_"Are you here on behalf of my grandfather or my father?"_

_Mr. Hightower didn't look shocked by his question. "I'm afraid that specific information falls under attorney client privilege."_

_Jon wasn't sure if that was true or not, but it seemed clear by Mr. Hightower's expression that he had no intention of disclosing the information. Jon felt that familiar feeling seeping into his chest. The one that sometimes would replace the anger. The hope that his father wasn't a complete monster, maybe a coward, but not a monster. Jon knew it was foolish, but it still left the door open for some sort of redemption for Rhaegar. Sometimes late at night when he couldn't sleep he created a narrative in which Aerys died and his father came and finally found him, embracing him as his own finally. Aerys was old, maybe he won't have to wait too much longer to find out. Maybe this was his father's way of trying to protect him. If he took the money and signed the NDA then Aerys would have no reason to come after him or anyone else he cared about, and it seemed quite clear that one did not cross Aerys Targaryen._

_"Mr. Snow?" Hightower said, pulling Jon from his thoughts._

_"What? Right. Two hundred and fifty thousand you said?"_

_"Correct."_

_"Is that the best you can offer?" Jon did his best to look aloof, as if he might go either way on this deal. If he was going to make a deal with the devil he might as well get the best deal possible._

_Hightower regarded him one final time and then gave a sardonic smile. "Tell you what, if you sign now, I can go up to five hundred thousand. Half now, half after."_

_"After what?"_

_"Apologies, I misspoke. I just meant to say half today and half in December."_

_Jon didn't ask the attorney to clarify, he knew he won't. And really he just wanted this to be done. "Alright, five hundred then. Just show me what I have to sign."_

xxxxxxxxxx

Present

They had been talking all day and they were both exhausted. Sansa wasn't sure when they had decided to lay down on the bed together. But they had, and now they were tight together, on their sides facing one another.

"I just…. I have no words really," Sansa said. She wanted to comfort him, but she was unsure how. Jon seemed to sense her hesitation and rolled over and sat up. Sansa sat up as well, finally finding some words. "I just can't imagine putting a price on something like that. So half a million dollars is the going rate for someone's heart?"

"I need a drink," Jon said. He got up and proceeded to pour himself a glass of wine. "And to answer your question," he went on. "No, at the moment it's only worth a quarter million dollars. I don't get the other half until after the election, after my father is elected to the senate." Sansa blanched, horrified that he was confirming her low opinion of his family in such a flippant manner. But she could also understand why he would need to keep himself detached from it. "That's why they're paying me off you know. Rhagaer is running for senate in California, apparently Aerys was worried I'll sell my story to a tabloid or something. That I'd cause a scandal for money or spite."

"So that's why you haven't been worried about paying for this trip?"

"Yeah, but honestly other than the car, all the money I have spent so far has been my money. I'm not sure I want to keep any of their money. Actually, once I see him I'm probably not allowed to keep it anyways."

"So why are we going to see your father then? It seems clear he wants you to stay away."

"I'm not sure it does. It seems to me that Aerys was driving everything. And now that he's gone….. What if my father – what if he – maybe he was just scared, being controlled by his father." Jon saw the pity in Sansa's eyes as she looked at him. "Don't look at me like that please."

"Jon….."

"I have to hear it from him Sans. If this was all him, if he was the one that made these choices, he needs to say it to my face. I have a right to hear it." His voice cracked and he looked away. She got up then and crossed the room to hug him.

"But what if your mom was right?" she asked as she released him. "What if it's better not to know?"

"It's too late for that now. Ignorance can't be bliss. It could have been, it would have been if I have never read that letter. You know sometimes I get so angry with her. For dying, for telling me where I came from. Sometimes it blocks out all the good things about her…. I need her to not have been wrong on this."

"Jon…."

"I know, I know. But I've thought a lot about it, that wasn't her way. She won't tell me something like this if there was going to be nothing but misery as a result. There was a reason she stayed in Winter Falls where she could be found. There's a reason he came to the funeral. I have to know, I have to know what it all means." There was such a pained desperation in his voice that Sansa felt her heart break for him.

"Jon." She reached her hand up and laid it on his cheek and made him look at her. "I don't want to hurt you. But have you stopped to consider….. have you thought about if you are prepared to be wrong... for him to reject you?" Sansa hated asking the question, but it had to be said.

She could see the tears threatening in Jon's eyes. "Of course I have," he lied. Her heart broke some more for him. She knew him well enough to know he was lying, both to her and himself.

"Alright then," she relented. Her mind started to whirl as she gave him a few moments to compose himself. She knew it had been hard for him to finally come clean about everything. She still felt angry, but less with him and more with the Targaryens. These people had caused him nothing but misery for the last year, and as a result they had caused her misery. She was tired of feeling miserable. They had both suffered far too much in their young lives. They deserved a future that was free of all this bullshit once and for all. She knew in that moment that she would eventually completely forgive him for the past, that for now she would go with him to California. Honestly she would do anything she could to keep him from being hurt further. She wasn't sure how this would all end, but it was clear that he would need to have some form of resolution with his father if they ever hoped to resolve anything between them in the future.

"Well, whatever happens I'll be there, right by your side." Jon looked at her and she could see the relief and gratitude wash over him.

"Are you sure? I'd understand if you didn't want to. It's not like I was there for you when you needed me."

"I'm sure," she said offering him a reassuring smile. "There is no reason for us to continue repeating the mistakes of the past. I want to be there for you."

He looked at the ceiling for a moment, allowing the threatening tears to settle. "Sansa Stark," he said softly looking at her once more. "You have the biggest heart of anyone I know."

She smiled. "Thank you, though to be fair this isn't completely selfless." Jon raised his eyebrows in confusion. "Well, I mean I did just find out our shopping budget is huge, and we're going to need proper gala outfits aren't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was probably the most rewritten/heavily edited chapter from the rough draft. Hopefully you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Even though I haven’t mentioned it recently, I’m still posting collages on tumblr for each chapter. Say hi @jrojoyce


	18. Santa Monica, CA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update courtesy of the long holiday weekend.

They left Vegas the following morning. Jon drove, he had too much nervous energy to be a passenger. Sansa felt nervous as well; her heart ached for him thinking about what he was about to face. They had agreed there wouldn't be any tourist stops on this leg of the trip. They needed to make it to Sam's brother's place in Santa Monica as soon as possible in order to pickup the gala tickets from him. And Jon wanted to make sure they got them before Dickon decided to he couldn't go through with giving them to him.

They didn't talk much initially, each were lost in their own sober thoughts. An hour in to the drive they hit the California state line. They stopped to take a picture with the sign and then started driving again. Sansa decided to start reading the guidebook out loud in an attempt to distract them both with useless facts. She found it calming and familiar. She almost had to laugh when she realized how much everything had changed in the two weeks since she had purchased the book in St Louis.

Jon appreciated that she was trying to distract and comfort him again. She had done the same last night when they found they were both unable to fall asleep despite the exhausting day. He let the cadence of her voice pull his thoughts back to their conversation from last night.

They had attempted to go to bed early, darkening the room and each lying in their own beds. He wasn't sure how much time he'd spent tossing and turning. But somewhere shortly before midnight Sansa had crawled into his bed. They hadn't had sex, they hadn't even kissed; they had just stayed up talking. And while they had not fully reconciled, they at least ended in a rather companionable place. Admittedly that was due in part to their intentional decision to not talk too much about the future or what they would face in the next few days. Instead they had mostly talked about the past. The good parts of it. He knew they were choosing to live in a state of denial, but he also knew it had been exactly what he had needed. He hadn't felt that at peace in months. Several times he had had to convince himself it wasn't a dream that she was there in his arms, reminiscing with him about strolls down Navy Pier and ice skating in Millennium Park.

_"We were really happy then, weren't we?" he had whispered into the darkness as he had carded his hand through her hair._

_"We were," she agreed as her fingers absent mindedly stroked his arm._

_"Do you think….." he began and thought better of it. She had agreed to come with him, he shouldn't push his luck._

_"What? Say what you were going to say."_

_"Do you think it could ever be like that again?"_

_"I wish I could say yes, but really, I don't know. Everything was different then. It was easier, more innocent. We were different." His hand stopped moving in her hair. She had pushed up then and looked down at him in the faint light. "How did you picture the future then?"_

_"Honestly?" She nodded. "I always thought we'd get married once you graduated. We'd move to the suburbs, or maybe stay in the city, or travel. I don't know… I just thought we'd be able to do, have, anything we wanted because we were in love…. When I say it out loud it seems so naïve now… Honestly though, I didn't really think or worry about the details then, I just knew I wanted you to be mine forever. And I thought you would be."_

_She smiled wistfully at him, but he could tell she was sad. "What is it?"_

_"The small part of me that's still a romantic wants to just melt at those words…. But I know now that there's so much more to making a relationship work than just simply being in love. Life doesn't let it be that easy…"_

_"Trust me, I understand that all too well now. The reality of these last couple of years have made sure of that," he said. He was unable to hide the bitterness in his voice._

_She looked at him for a long moment and then looked away like she was deciding something. She finally looked back at him and spoke softly. "The simple happy life, the marriage for nothing but love, is that really something you can no longer picture?"_

_He reached up and ran his thumb over her lips. "No, I can still picture it….. but it's something I've started to think I no longer deserve."_

"….. for the second time. Are you even listening to me?" she asked, pulling him back into the present. He shook his head and realized she had been talking the entire time. She threw him an exaggerated look of offense. "I said that we are going to miss the chance to sleep in tee pees for the second time."

"I wasn't aware if was your dream to sleep in a tee pee."

"I won't say it's a dream, just that it could be fun. It would be a cool story. And really, it might be better than some of the motels we stayed in. Do you remember the one outside Joplin? That had to be the worse of them all."

"Yeah, I hardly slept. I was worried I was going to have to fight off an intruder, if only I had realized sooner that the roaches would've done it for me I could've slept."

"That place was straight out of "Criminal Minds." We were lucky to escape it alive."

"Ok, it wasn't great, but that might be a bit overdramatic."

Sansa laughed. "So, after we get the tickets from Sam's brother, we're going to the pier right? I can't believe we're almost come to the end of the road."

"Yeah, of course we're going. We didn't come all this way to not finish this thing." The determination in his voice made his words hang in the air. They both knew he had been speaking about much more than the physical road trip in that moment. He glanced at her suddenly feeling self conscious. Sansa took his hand then and squeezed it. She made no move to remove her hand after, and they drove for quite some time with their hands locked together.

They stopped for lunch in Victorville and then drove around the edge of the San Gabriel Mountains. Eventually they hit Los Angeles traffic. It took longer than they'd expected, but they reached Dickon's apartment by late afternoon.

Upon arrival they buzzed in and he let them up. They greeted each other warmly and Jon introduced Sansa. They made small talk about Dickon's parents and Sam.

After several awkward silences, Dickon finally handed over the embossed tickets and looked at Jon with hesitation.

"Sam wasn't really clear why you needed these…. My boss paid for the tickets….. I said I wanted the chance to network….. You aren't planning to…" Dickon said clearly uncomfortable. "I guess I'm just confused on why you'd want to go to such a thing. You aren't planning to stage a protest or something right?"

Jon shifted uncomfortably. He had grown so tired of lying when it came to his father.

"He asked for them because of me actually," Sansa said with a disarming smile. Dickon looked at her and blinked, it was clear he was trying to figure out why a girl from the mid-west would be interested in a senate fundraising dinner in California. "There's a rumor that Oprah might be there."

"Oprah?" Dickon repeated.

"I know it's a long shot. I mean it's just a rumor, but she does have a house near there. And when else would I ever be so close? What if the rumors true? It just seemed like a waste not to ask."

"I guess," Dickon shrugged. He seemed to accept her explanation, at least on the surface.

"Don't worry, we won't do anything to embarrass you. We really appreciate your help Dickon," Jon added.

"Sure thing Jon. Say hi to my brother when you see him later this week, remind him he owes me for this."

"Will do."

They said goodbye to Dickon and went back down to the car.

"Oprah?" Jon asked her once they were back in the car.

"I panicked. It was the only thing that popped in my mind. You know my mom adored her, that's why I know she lives somewhere near Santa Barbara."

"Quick thinking then I suppose. But promise me if we do see her you won't embarrass us by fangirling."

Sansa rolled her eyes at him as they drove away from Dickon's apartment and headed towards the beach. The made their way down Santa Monica Boulevard as Sansa blasted Sheyl Crow's "All I Want to Do" from the speaker on her phone. They parked along Colorado Avenue and walked to the beach. The sun would be setting soon.

They stopped on the far side of the street that ran parallel to the beach. Sansa was clutching her camera. She had biggest smile on her face and her eyes were lit up. "I can't believe we made it. Do you want to go down to the water or hit the pier first?"

"Let's go to the pier, the sun's going to set soon and you always say that's magic hour for pictures. We can double back to the water."

They crossed the street and headed towards the pier. They stopped so Sansa could get a shot of the sign. She flagged down a middle aged woman and asked her to take a picture of her and Jon as well. After they made their way down the pier, eventually reaching the sign that proclaimed the end of Route 66. Again Sansa asked a passerby to take their photo.

They decided to grab dinner on the pier. They ate on the patio of Mariasol's and finished watching the sun set. The neon lights came on then. Nearby the ferris wheel flickered to life, casting a soft purple and blue glow across the water.

"Can we ride the ferris wheel?" Sansa asked when they finished dinner.

"If you want," he answered. "Also, what is it with you and the ferris wheels? This is the third one of the trip."

She knew he was right, there had been the one in Oklahoma City, the one in Vegas, and now here. Sansa smiled at him but she had a faraway look in her eyes. She looked up at the ferris wheel and then out towards the ocean. Jon noticed she was blinking away tears.

"It's for Rickon," she finally told him.

"Rickon?"

"It was his favorite ride when he was little. Probably because it was the first "adult" ride he ever got to go on at the fair. I helped sneak him on. After that it was kinda our thing. Every year at the fair we rode it together, always just the two of us," she explained. "Every single summer, every time we ran across one, for the last ten years, we rode it. The summer mom was first sick I took him to four different county fairs." She was staring at the wheel now, caught in the memories of her and her little brother over the years. She watched the wheel go around and around fighting off her tears.

Eventually Jon reached across the table and took her hand. "How could I forget something like that?" he asked curiously.

"I doubt you ever knew. By the time he was old enough to ride the big boy rides, you and Robb had decided you were too cool to go with the rest of us to the fair." She smiled at him, it wasn't a condemnation; it was just the truth of their past.

Jon returned the smile and continued to hold her hand. Eventually he led her to the ticket counter. They waited in line and when it was their turn they entered the cart. Jon put his arm around her and she snuggled in close to him. He kissed the crown of her head as the wheel began to turn and they took the ride in near silence.

When it was time to get off Jon gave the operator $20 to immediately let them go again, which he did. Once the second ride ended they exited the ride and headed down to the beach. They walked along the shoreline in the light of the pier holding hands. The water lapped at their ankles, the breeze rustling in their hair. Jon didn't speak, he wanted to give her time to work through her thoughts.

After a while Sansa pulled him to a stop and turned to him. "I want to thank you."

"For what?"

"For bringing me here. For bringing me on this trip."

"Even though it was essentially for my own selfish reasons?" He said it in jest, but in truth he did worry about how it made her feel.

"Even then," she said smiling softly at him. "But really, don't beat yourself up over that anymore. I've already forgiven you for it. And honestly, this was the best thing for me. I don't think Arya and Robb would've had the realizations they had if I had stayed. In fact I'm rather certain that be now I'd be angry and bitter with them. We'd probably be at each other's throats, but instead we're good, or at least firmly on the road to good. But more importantly this trip gave me a chance to properly mourn mom and dad and Rickon. I don't think I would not have gotten that chance if I had stayed. Coming with you gave me that, and I will always be grateful for that….. So, thank you."

Jon looked at her as the breeze blew through her hair and the blue and purple light reflected in her eyes and off her hair. She bite her lower lip just a tiny bit and took a deep breath and she released it. He placed a hand on either side of her face then and gave her the gentlest kiss. She kissed him back with a sigh and he ran his hands into her hair and brought her closer. She ran her hands up his arm and twined them around his neck.

After several long moments they drew apart, their foreheads tipped together. "I want you to know, no matter what happens tomorrow -," she began.

"Shh," he whispered and gently shook his head. "Not now, ok?"

"Ok," she murmured in agreement.

They didn't say anymore. After a couple more moments they drew apart and turned and headed back down the beach. He knew what tomorrow might hold, but for tonight he wanted to pretend tomorrow would never come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They made it out of Vegas! We have new sights! Collage over on tumblr :)


	19. Santa Barbara, CA

Last night they had driven to Santa Barbara via the Pacific Coast Highway after their time in Santa Monica. They had agreed it would be less stressful to wake up there rather than fighting traffic in the morning. And while neither of them said it, it would insure that they would be too tired to do something they might later regret. They were finding their way back to each other, they were both certain of it, but neither of them thought it was a good idea to push themselves too far tonight, not with the uncertainty that today threatened to bring.

They had checked in late to an inn right across the street from the beach and then collapsed into bed exhausted. But while Sansa had quickly fallen asleep, he was not so lucky. He had lain awake for several hours, thinking about what she had said in Vegas. What if Sansa was right? What if his father did reject him? Was he ready for that?

Somewhere around two or three he had managed to finally drift off. When he awoke the next morning he found that Sansa was already out of bed. He sat up and looked around, his disorientation burning off when he caught sight of her red hair out on the deck. She was staring at the ocean. He got out of bed and took a step forward. But then he stopped and decided to give her a little more time to be alone with her thoughts, so he turned and quietly slipped into the bathroom.

“Good morning,” she greeted him as he came back out of the bathroom a few minutes later.

“Morning.”

“So what’s the plan for today? The gala isn’t until six, but I assume we are laying low until then?”

Jon nodded. “Is that alright?” Sansa shrugged in what he hoped was agreement. “Honestly, I don’t think I could enjoy anything today anyways. Also it’s probably good just in case……” He paused not wanting to worry her, but she had already guessed what he was thinking.

“In case they’re watching us? Do you really think there’s a chance of that?” She looked deeply concerned with the possibility.

“No, not really…..” Sansa still looked concerned. “Try not to worry. I mean, its been months since they paid me and there has been no contact since then. I’m just being paranoid is all. I don’t want to run the risk.” She still looked uncomfortable. “Honestly I’m not worried about it, I wouldn’t put you in danger like that.” Sansa gave him a small smile then but he could still see the unease in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I dragged you into this. It means so much to me that you came, but I understand if its become too much.”

“Please stop apologizing. I told you last night, I’m here because it’s where I’m choosing to be. I’m not going anywhere Jon. I didn’t come all this way with you to not see it through to the end,” she finished, echoing his words from yesterday.

He sat on the edge of the bed and put his face in his hands. A moment later he felt the bed shift as she sat next to him, her legs pressed against his.

“Do you think I should do this?” he asked softly looking up. The doubt and fear were clear in his voice.

“By this, you mean see your father?”

“Yeah.”

She was quiet for several long moments as she weighed her words. “I don’t know,” she finally answered. “I want you to have resolution, but I don’t want you to get hurt. And neither of us have any way of knowing how this will go….. But I also know it’ll probably eat you up to never know what his answer would have been…….” She shifted uncomfortable as she spoke.

“I don’t mean to put this on you. I know it’s my decision. I just – I’m not sure what to do.”

“It’s your decision, and I will support whatever you decide. No matter what I’ll be right by your side.” She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. He looked up at her and raised his free hand to stroke her cheek. He leaned in and kissed her softly.

It was a sweet kiss, a thank you really. She kissed him back. It lasted only for a short moment and then they drew apart. They both knew the kisses were becoming more and more frequent, but they had yet to discuss what that truly meant. But today was not the day for dealing with “them.”

When they drew apart Sansa could still see the uncertainty etched on his face. “You don’t have to decide right now. We still have time,” she told him.

He responded with a couple of tight reluctant nods.

She gave him a reassuring smile as she slid back on the bed and reaching for the tv remote, “So, for now we pass the time. What’s your marathon of choice? Law and Order, Criminal Minds, or Chopped?”

xxxxx  
  
He had decided to go through with it. They were going to the gala, and if thing went as planned, he would be face to face with Rhaegar by the end of the night.

They had started to get ready in the late afternoon. When Sansa had been in the shower Jon had checked the internet for news of the gala. He had wanted to confirm that no other Targaryens were expected at the event. He didn’t need Dany blowing his cover before he was ready. He let out a sigh of relief that there was no mention that anyone else being expected. He realized he was actually thankful in that moment that his father was somewhat estranged from his family.

They had decided they would take an uber to the gala since their road weary car was unlikely to fit it in. Sansa had done a good job shopping for them. They looked the part of political donors, him in a dark suit and her in floor length midnight blue and black off the shoulder gown. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail. She looked beautiful. He could barely take his eyes off her, and for a moment Jon wondered if she would attract a lot of attention.

“What?” she asked noticing his distress. “You don’t like the dress?”

“What?” he asked. He realized he must have been making some sort of face and immediately softened. “No, I love it. You look amazing.”

“So do you.” They smiled at each and then called for the uber.

The driver picked them and drove them to the Old Mission. The event was invitation only and about three hundred people were expected. Jon thought it was enough people so they would blend in, but not so many that they would be lost in the crowd either.

Luckily for them, they managed to arrive at the peak arrival time. Due to the amount of people, security seemed to be a bit more lax as they rushed to admit the important guest and donors that had paid nearly a thousand dollars a plate. They presented their invitations to the security guard, and after a quick scan, “Mr. and Mrs. Tarly” were waved in and told to enjoy their evening.

With one hurdle cleared they made their way inside. They grabbed glasses of wine from the bar so they would blend in. Jon just held his, but Sansa started to drink hers in hopes of calming her nerves. They made their way further into the venue. The interior of the mission was beautiful. The courtyard where people milled and drank, was lit by long strands of string lights which seemed to give the white walls a soft glow.

They stayed close together. Even under ideal circumstances they would have been out of their element with all these wealthy people. Sansa tried to tell herself it was no different than any of the campaign event she had attended for her father. But she couldn’t quite convince herself, not when she looked around and realized they were perhaps the youngest people there. Jon didn’t seem to notice though, all of his efforts were focused on scanning the area for Rhaegar.

They had worked out a plan over the course of the day. They had decided it was best to avoid Rhaegar until after dinner. Jon was fairly certain that his father would recognize him if he got close enough to him, and he worried if he saw him too early it would allow his father the opportunity to either slip away or have him removed.

After several minutes Jon turned to her looking concerned. “I don’t actually see him anywhere.”

“He’ll be here. It’s HIS dinner after all. I’m sure he probably just wants to make a grand entrance,” Sansa reassured him. She took his hand but the tension didn’t leave his shoulders.

They stuck to the edges of the courtyard watching the scene. They made sure to smile and give head nods to anyone that made eye contact with them. A few minutes later Rhaegar finally made his way into the courtyard, shaking hands and being drawn into one conversation or another.

His appearance did little to relax Jon. Sansa did her best to whisper him small encouragements or distract him with comments on the location, the wine or the other guests. Despite her best efforts he remained as tight as a bow string.

The one blessing they did have, was that it was actually easy to avoid Rhaegar’s attention because everyone else there was clamoring for his. They hung back near the edges, under the covered walkway and watched. Roughly a half hour later the cocktail hour ended and dinner was announced. They made their way inside and stuck close to their assigned seats in the back of the dining room.

They did their best to remain quiet during dinner as their table mates laughed and named dropped. They had introduced themselves as the Tarlys and Jon did his best to pretend he was an environmental attorney like Dickon. Thankfully when he faltered, Sansa had stepped in and brought up the subject of charity work. That had gotten all the other wives talking and he had tossed her a grateful smile and squeezed her hand under the table.

As dinner was winding down Rhaegar started to make his rounds to the tables. The closer he came the sicker Jon felt. He wanted to bolt and yet he felt rooted to the spot. He could see Sansa watch him with concern in her eyes.

His back was to Rhaegar when he finally made it to their table. Jon couldn’t turn around. Rhaegar stopped directly behind Jon and greeted the table. Most of the other men stood and came to greet him with a handshake. Jon sat unmoving, staring at the wall in front of him. Sansa could feel her heart pounding. She watched Jon from the corner of her eye and wondered if anyone else could hear her heart.

When the other men had finished their smoozing, Rhaegar casually clapped Jon’s shoulder as he gave the table a short canned speech thanking them for their involvement and donations. Most of the table responded with words of encouragement and called him senator. He thanked the group one more time and then turned to go.

They had been the last table. Many of the guest had started to proceed back outside. Rhaegar was headed that way as well. Sansa saw the frozen panic on Jon’s face. She wasn’t sure if this was what he wanted but she hoped to give him one more moment to decide. She stood suddenly and quickly followed Rhaegar. When she was close enough she gently grabbed his arm.

“Mr. Targaryen,” she said sweetly. He stopped and looked back at her and gave her a genuine smile. “I have a question.”

“Of course,” he said continuing to smile.

“I – I – wanted to ask you about your position on –“ She had no idea what to ask him. He seemed to be flattered by her uncertainty, as if his importance had left her tongue tied. And then she saw his smile slowly fade. And in that moment she felt Jon beside her.

Now it was Rhaegar’s turn to have the look of frozen panic. Sansa could tell he was attempting to say something but the words won’t come out of the mouth on his extremely pale face.

Jon spoke instead. “Hello father.”

xxxxxx

Jon and Sansa found themselves waiting in a banquet hall that had been used for staging. When Rhaegar had finally been able to speak he had requested they wait for him back here. Jon knew it was a gamble. Rhaegar could easily flee or have security escort them off the grounds. But he gone to the room as requested and put his faith in the hope that his father would do the right thing.

But it had been almost an hour now and he was starting to lose that faith. “Do you think he’s actually coming?” he had asked Sansa as he paced the room for the hundredth time.

“I’m sure he just needs to wrap up the gala,” Sansa said, but they could both hear the doubt in her voice.

He looked at his watch and was about to tell her maybe they should just go. He didn’t like the idea of being here any longer. He had started to worry that if Rhaegar hadn’t been acting out of fear of Aerys then perhaps this delay would mean terrible things for him and Sansa.

But moments later the door at the end of the room opened and Rhaegar came in. He looked exhausted and apprehensive. But he had come and he was alone. Sansa tried to take that as a good sign.

“I’m going to go explore the grounds,” she told Jon softly and squeezed his hand. “I’ll come as soon as you want and I’ll wait as long as you need.”

“Thank you Sansa.”

She walked away from him then and passed Rhaegar, who had been hanging back regarding them wearily. “He’s a good man, an amazing man. You should know that,” she said to him as she passed by. Rhaegar said nothing and just continued to stare at Jon.

Jon stared back. There was a large fire place at the end of the room with two chairs in front of it and Rhaegar motioned for them to go take a seat. They both sat down without a word and continued to regard each other.

“You shouldn’t be here Jon,” Rhaegar finally said. “In fact, I’m rather certain you have been paid to not be here.”

“So you do at least know my name. Have you always known it?”

“Yes, I have always known it.” Rhaegar let out a long sigh, covering his eyes with his left hand for a moment. “I’m not as terrible as you think,” he added.

“You don’t know what I think.”

“You’re right. That’s fair, I don’t. So how about you tell me.”

His agreement rattled him for some reason. Jon’s mind froze and he no longer knew where to begin.

After a long minute of silence Rhaegar spoke again. “How about you start with why you are here. Do you need something? More money?”

Jon automatically scoffed in offense. “You would think that I suppose. The only thing I need or want from you are some answers.”

For a split second Jon thought he saw something flash in Rhaegar’s eyes, but it was quickly replaced with a mask of neutrality. Jon felt all his questions lodge in his throat. He couldn’t really get a read on his father and it was making him falter. He didn’t seem happy to see him, but he didn’t seem exactly angry either. It just made Jon feel more confused and uncertain.

“Alright,” Rhaegar began, clearly trying to take control of the situation. “How about I asked you some questions to get things going. When exactly did Lyanna tell you about me?”

Jon took a breath. He told himself he just needed to start talking. “Actually in some ways she never did.” Rhaegar cocked his head in confusion. “Well, I mean she never told me in person. She wrote a letter, I got it after she died.”

Rhaegar looked down at his hands and then into the fireplace. “I was extremely sad to hear of her passing.” His father seemed far away for a moment. “So why have you waited till now to seek me out?” he asked a moment later. Jon could hear the doubt in his voice. It was clear from his tone that he still suspected Jon wanted something more than answers from him.

Jon didn’t want to answer him. He was here for his father to answer his questions, not the other way around. “Clearly you were aware of me long before I was aware of you. Why didn’t you say anything to me at her funeral?”

“Things are complicated Jon. Hell, they’ve always been complicated. This is a complicated family and you should actually count your blessings that you have avoided being a part of it.”

It was such a politician answer Jon thought. He wanted to see something from his father, regret, anger, some emotion that would let him know he mattered, that his presence affected him. “Did you love her?” he asked hoping to draw a response. Rhaegar’s face remained placid. “You came all that way for her funeral, I told myself it’s because you loved her, but maybe I was wrong, maybe you just wanted to make sure she was really dead.” He said the words to wound him, to force him to show some sort of reaction.

It worked, he saw the pain flash across his father’s face and in those strange blue eyes. “That’s unfair. I never wished harm on your mother, never. In fact, I have always regretted that our relationship caused her so much pain.”

“You didn’t answer my question. Did you love her?”

“Yes,” he said quietly meeting Jon’s eyes. “Yes, I loved her. But love was never going to be enough. Like I said, things were very complicated. I was complicated.”

“So was it you who decided to give her the ultimatum about me, or was that your father?”

Rhaegar looked away and seemed nervous now. After a long pause he finally answered. “It was Aerys’ idea……. but I agreed to allow him to give it. I did nothing to stop him.”

“You know it broke her heart.”

“You might not believe me, but it broke mine too. But what could I do? Aerys had a point, at the time it was easiest on everyone if……” He stopped when he saw the anger darkening Jon’s eyes. “Listen,” he went on. “You never knew your grandfather, but he was a force of nature and nothing stood in his way. I couldn’t have stopped him if I had wanted to.”

“You were a selfish coward,” Jon stated without hesitation, his voice had a clear edge of disgust and anger.

Rhaegar looked his son in the eyes and suddenly seemed resigned. “If that is how you want to see it I won’t argue,” he sighed and then turned to stare into the fire again.

Jon closed his eyes and tried to compose himself. He thought he would feel relief in confirming that he had been right all along; that his father was a coward. He knew it was what he had hoped all these months because he thought it was the better alternative, but sitting with him now he realized it felt just as terrible as if he had been the monster.

“Didn’t you ever wonder about me?” he asked softly as he reopened his eyes. “Maybe want to know me?”

Rhaegar turned to him and offered a weak smile. “Of course I wondered about you… but I had clearly given up my right to know you.”

Those words softened Jon a bit. Perhaps they could just let the past be the past, because if Sansa could forgive him for everything, maybe he should try to forgive his father. “And what about now? Do you think there’s a chance you’d want to know me now?”

There was a long pause then, the only sound Jon could hear was the hammering of his heart. “Jon,” Rhaegar began. He paused then and closed his eyes for a brief moment. When he opened them Jon could see something in them had changed. His father no longer seemed so resigned. “You know you were right earlier. I was a selfish coward. And god help me, I still am.…… I’m not sure if it best for us to have a relationship just yet. I still have….. My life is not my own, it’s not so private right now. I have….. Well, I have Elia and my other children to consider. I’m sorry. I’m sure that’s not what you wanted to hear. But my advice to you is to take the money you were given and steer clear of the Targaryens. I can’t give you the type of family you seem to be looking for. I’m sorry.”

“How would you know the type of family I want?” Jon tried to sound harsh but he heard his voice falter. None of this was going the way he had pictured it. He would never have admitted it to anyone, not even Sansa, but he had foolishly thought that Rhaegar would embrace him. That he would finally have the family that he had longed for all his life, or at least some version of it.

“Because I know the type of family Lyanna would’ve created for you,” his father began. “One of warmth and love and sacrifice. And those are things the Targaryen family is just not. They’re things I’m not.”

Warmth, love and sacrifice. His father’s words instantly made him think of Sansa. Sansa, who had looked beautiful tonight. Who was warm and loving and forgiving. Who had always sacrificed herself for everyone that she loved. Sansa, who had forgiven him. Sansa, who had stood by him in the worst times of his life and was walking the grounds of this place in the dark, waiting on him. The realization broke over him like a wave. He realized in that moment that he had spent all this time looking for a family in the completely wrong place.

“You’re right. You aren’t the type of family I want,” Jon said rising to his feet. Rhaegar’s mouth fell open a bit in shock. “So I’m going to take your advice. But before I go I do want to tell you this. You broke my mother’s heart and I hope you never feel ok with that. And despite everything, I still hope one day you can stop being a selfish coward for the other people in your life….. I’ll expect the rest of the money in December. Goodbye father.”

And with that Jon turned and left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if this played out how people expected or hoped, but I felt it was genuine to the characters. 
> 
> As always thanks for reading and pictures are over on tumblr.


	20. San Diego, CA

It had taken him some time, but he had finally found Sansa in the gardens. When he had first seen her from a distance, the moon was reflecting off her pale skin and it muted her hair, turning it the color of liquid amber. Her dress looked black, edged in silver. Had he encountered her in the old Catholic cemetery he might have thought she was a beautiful ghost. It had made him slow his approach and just take her in. In that moment he felt lighter and more sure of everything in his life than he had in years. The last of the cage around his heart fell away as he closed in on her.

She seemed to sense him finally and turned towards him. When he was close enough she met his eyes, and gave him a small apprehensive smile. "What happened? Are you –" she began before he cut her off with a searing kiss. It was a kiss to end all kisses. It was as passionate and desperate as the first time he had ever kissed her, all those years ago on the couch of his childhood home, and yet the meaning was completely different. Whereas the first time he had ever kissed her, he had been seeking and searching for something to cling to, something to save him; this time it was to tell her there would be no more searching, there would be no more seeking. In that kiss he wanted to tell her he had found everything he would ever need, that she was home, and he was finally ready to come home.

When they finally drew apart, they were both breathless. The stood with their foreheads touching, their hands locked together between them.

"I'm sorry," he murmured when he was able to breathe again.

"For what? I told you I would wait."

"No, not about tonight, for everything before it…. I'm sorry for not seeing what was right in front of me this entire time, for not realizing until now that I've already had the family I was longing and searching for..."

Sansa drew back so she could look him in the eyes. "I was a fool to not see that I've always had that in you," he finished.

She could feel the tears forming in her own eyes and a lump in her throat. "What happened in there?" she managed to ask.

He struggled to answer her. "Nothing….. Everything…." Sansa placed a hand on his cheek and he leaned into it, drawing strength from her touch. He took her hand from his cheek and held it against his heart. "He's not going to be what I had hoped for, what I had wished for. But that's ok, I realize now that's ok. He has his own issues, but they don't have to be my issues….. He no longer needs to be my issue."

"I don't understand."

He took a deep breath as he tried to gather his thoughts. He wanted to explain it, wanted her to understand; she deserved to understand, but he wasn't sure he had the right words. But she was looking at him with such love and concern that he pressed forward anyways. "All my life I told myself that I didn't belong. That somewhere out there, there was this other part of me that would make me whole. I had convinced myself after my mom died that, that was my father. I thought finding him, seeing him, would somehow make me whole, make me belong finally. I've been telling myself for months that once we met he would want me and embrace me. That I would finally have a family. But that didn't happen with him. He's not what I thought he was, what I had turned him into in my mind."

"Jon, I'm so sorry."

"I'm not. Because seeing him finally made me understand, made me realize I've always had what I was seeking…. It's not a family made by blood, but it's one made by choice and love….. I'm ashamed it took me talking to him to realize that. But I know it now, I have the exact family I have always needed. I have a family with you."

He kissed her again and she kissed him back, tears spilling down her cheeks. He knew it might be hard for her to understand it in this moment. He wasn't sure if he fully understood it yet either. But he did understand now that he had wasted so much time longing for, and then being bitter and angry over what he thought he didn't have, that it had caused him to overlook what he did. And it had almost cost him dearly.

"Jon," she whispered as they drew apart. Her heart ached for him. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened with his father, but it was clear enough that he probably hadn't called him son and begged for his forgiveness.

Jon regarded her for a moment as he held her face between his hands. She was looking at him with a sad expression and he wondered for a moment if maybe he had been wrong. Perhaps it was too late, maybe it had cost him, maybe he was about to pay a heavy price for the mistakes he'd made this last year.

"Unless…. Unless maybe you don't want that anymore?" he asked softly as his heart slammed against his chest and he slowly let his hands fall away.

Sansa reached up and caught his hands as they fell. "Oh Jon, I still want that. I don't think I ever really stopped wanting that." She kissed him to reassure him. When they drew apart his thanked her in a whisper.

"Are you ready to leave this place?" she asked softly.

He turned and looked at the mission for a moment and then turned back to her and nodded. "Yeah, I'm ready now."

xxxxxxx

Though they had kept their hands intertwined, they had been quiet most of the ride back to the hotel. The Uber driver dropped them in front of the building and they made their way to their room in continued silence.

Once inside they still seemed to be at a loss of what to say to each other. It was clear the tectonic plates of their lives were shifting tonight. It was something they both found a bit overwhelming.

"I guess we should change first," Jon said as he removed his suit coat and placed it over the back of a nearby chair. He loosened his tie as he waited on her to respond.

Sansa finally looked down at her dress and then nodded. "Can you help me with the zipper?"

"Yeah."

She turned her back to him and pulled her hair in front of her shoulder. She placed her hands on her hips to make sure the dress didn't slip down too much once the zipper was undone. He moved closer and stood directly behind her. She felt his hands on her upper back and his breath on her neck. It gave her the chills and she shuttered the tiniest bit as he slid the zipper down. He paused when he reached the bottom. Sansa felt his breath hitch as he released the zipper and slid one hand over to her right hip. She let her arms drop and the dress slid dangerously low in the front. He moved even closer then. His hand sliding around her hip to her stomach and he drew her back against him as his lips touched the tender skin on the back of her neck where it met her shoulder. She took a sharp breath and let out a barely audible moan. She raised her hand and reached back, twining it into his hair as he laid soft kisses down her neck and across her shoulder. A delicious warmth was spreading through her body, it had been a long time since he had touched her so reverently. She could feel her breath starting to come in short bursts.

After a couple minutes she released his hair and turned to face him. "Jon," she said breathlessly. He took her hands and looked at her. He seemed rather serious.

"I know what I said in New Mexico. I know I said we should be friends again for a while, but I – I don't want to be your friend anymore."

She withdrew her hands from his and she saw the briefest flicker of panic cross his face. She gave him a reassuring smile and let her arms fall as she slightly twisted her hips. The dress fell and she let it pool at her feet.

"Good, because I don't want to be yours anymore either," she confessed stepping out from the dress and towards him. Jon groaned as her lips met his and she pressed her body against his.

He kissed her harder, letting his hands travel down her back, leaning forward as they kissed so his hands could help lift her off the floor and against him. She wrapped her legs around his waist as she used her arms to cling to him. He walked them forward to the bed and gently laid her down and crawled on top of her.

After a few moments he pulled back a bit and Sansa released her arms from his neck. She reached down so she could undo the buttons of his shirt and push it back. He peeled away his undershirt and then came close to her again, capturing her in another heated kiss. Her hands fumbled for this belt and then the zipper of his pants.

Moments later they were pressed together in only their underwear. Jon drew back and rested a hand on her cheek. "I love you. I hope you know how much. I'm sorry for the past. I'm sorry I wasted so much time with - " he began.

"Shh," she interrupted as she placed a finger to his lips. "Not tonight. Tonight you love me. And for tonight that's enough because I love you too." She placed her hand over his and drew it back and placed a kiss on his palm. "I love you Jon."

"I love you too," he whispered before diving forward to capture her lips in another kiss. Shortly after that they shed the last of their clothes. They were pressed close together, her arms wound around his neck and one hand in his hair. One of his arms braced him above her and the other gripped tight to her hip. They help each other's gazed as he sheathed himself inside her.

Sansa let out breathy gasp and felt a tear escape the corner of her left eye. He held still and whispered, "Are you alright?"

"Yes," she answered and pulled on his neck so that his face was buried in her neck and shoulder. For the first time in a long time she felt nearly whole again, all the pieces of her once shattered heart, her once broken future, were being glued back together in this moment. "I missed you," she sighed against his shoulder.

He lifted his head and kissed her softly. "I missed you too." She wrapped her legs around him in response and they began to move as one.

The gentle slowness eventually melted away and their cadence increased. Sansa clung tightly to him as his hands roved her body. Eventually he shifted so his body was angled in a way he knew would bring her pleasure. It wasn't long after that she came apart beneath him, nearly sobbing his name.

He smiled and kissed her softly. Then he reached between them and worked her to climax one more time. He continued to move after that but he quickly found he could no longer hold himself back and he withdrew just in time to spill across her stomach.

They lay with their foreheads pressed together panting for a few moments and then he went to fetch something to clean up the mess. On his way back he opened the patio door so they could hear the ocean in the distance.

He crawled back in bed with her and soon they lay intertwined and listening to the ocean. "I know you don't want to talk about what happened with him yet, and that's fine, but are you going to be ok?" she asked him after several minutes.

"Yes, I'm going…. we're going to be ok," he responded.

They were quiet after that. Each lost in their own thoughts as he lazily stroked her back and played with her hair while she lay with her head on his shoulder, stroking his chest. They both knew they would eventually have to discuss quite a few things further. Neither held the delusion that one night of love declarations and love making suddenly healed all the damage that had been done in the past. But tonight was start of something new, the foundation to a future in which they would truly be ok.

When Sansa drifted off to sleep, Jon couldn't help but watch her and think of the feelings he had when he had found her in the garden tonight. He had felt a long held pressure in him finally release. The longing for the Targaryens, his anger with them, and with Lyanna, had all come loose. And when he looked at her now, he finally realized there was no good reason to try and cling to it any longer. He had meant what he had said to her, in her he had everything he had been searching for his whole life, and especially since his mother's death.

He had finally drifted off to sleep after that, still holding Sansa in his arms. In the morning they made love again. Only this time it was a little less gentle. They both seemed to be attempting to claim the other one as their own once more, to tattoo their essence on the other's body and heart.

Afterwards they dressed, packed and left the room. They held hands as they checked out and made their way to the car. He kissed her one more time and then they climbed in the car and settled in for the drive to San Diego.

xxxxxxx

They had agreed on the drive down that they would spend the rest of the week in San Diego with Sam and Gilly. Sansa was glad for it too because she had instantly taken a liking to Gilly. In fact, after the first night there, it felt like they had been friends for years.

The second day they were there Jon asked her if it would be alright if him and Sam went out for beers alone at a nearby brewery that night. Sansa told him it was and to have fun. She knew Jon needed to decompress with someone besides her, and anyways he had promised Sam he would bring him up to speed on all that had happened.

Jon had apologized for leaving her but Sansa truly hadn't minded. Especially since she and Gilly spent the evening sitting on the porch and sharing three bottles of wine. Sansa had told Gilly a bit about what happened on the trip. In return Gilly told her all about herself, and then they had bonded over being from large families that now both lacked parents. Though truthfully that was where the family similarities ended. Gilly's family had been far different from the Starks. She had been the third eldest of seven sisters. Her mother had died giving birth to the youngest. Her father had always been strict and unyielding, but after her mother's death he had become abusive. When he had died three years ago, none of the girls had mourned him. Her youngest sisters were now in the care of the eldest one.

She had met Sam in the restaurant she worked in near the campus of UCSD when he had started medical school there. He had been ridiculously shy, sitting in her section for nearly two months without saying much more than his order. She had been the one to ask him out. She was the one that had prompted them to move in together a year and half ago.

"But I will not be the one to ask him to marry me!" she declared as she finished off her fifth or sixth glass of wine. "He's going to have to man up and give me this one thing."

"I'm sure he will," Sansa said.

"He better. Maybe Jon can teach him to be a brave, a bit more assertive."

"Don't be fooled, Jon is as scared as the rest of them, his brooding good looks just hide it better."

"God, he's pretty isn't he? How do you not get jealous of those lips and eyelashes?" They dissolved into a fit of giggles after that.

The boys came home soon after. The cab let them out on the curb and they came on to the porch smiling. Sansa could tell by their red cheeks and glazed eyes that they had enjoyed their time at the brewery.

"Did you enjoy your boy talk? Any secrets you want to share?" Gilly teased.

"Oh yes!" Sam declared a bit too eagerly. "I mean no, there are no secrets!" He flushed bright red then. "What I mean is, it was fun. It was a very productive night out."

"Productive? Well do tell," Sansa teased.

Sam suddenly looked nervous and flushed even redder. "Productive might have been the wrong word," he stammered and looked to Jon for help.

Sansa and Gilly exchanged their own look and then burst into laughter. They had just been discussing their first times with the boys and Gilly had told her how Sam had a tendency to blurt things out and blush when he was nervous or overwhelmed.

"What?" Sam asked looking confused.

"Nothing, nothing," Sansa said. "But just to be fair, we also had a productive evening." She gestured to the empty wine bottles. There was still a half full one as well.

"I can see that," Jon said with a smile. "Shall we join you?"

"Of course. Sam, will you grab glasses for you and Jon?"

They sat on the porch and finished the final bottle of wine before retiring to bed. Sansa even in her drunken state knew something was up with the two boys and she was determined to find out what it was before falling asleep.

"I was thinking we'd go out to Coronado Saturday morning, stay at the old hotel out there that night," Jon told her as he changed for bed.

"Just us?"

"Yeah, is that alright?" he asked as he slid into bed and pulled her to him.

"Spill it. What are you and Sam up to?"

Jon looked down at her and smiled, he seemed to be deciding if he should let her in on the secret. "You promise to keep it quiet?"

"Of course," she said rolling her eyes.

"Ok, but don't squeal, and don't tell," he said and paused for effect. "Sam's going to purpose to Gilly Saturday night." Sansa started to make a noise and Jon clamped a hand over her mouth. "Shh!" he chastised her with a smile. "So I thought we should be cleared out for the night to let them celebrate."

Sansa nodded enthusiastically and he moved his hand from her mouth and gave her a quick kiss. "She's going to be so happy Jon, so happy."

"Good. It's about time everyone was happy."

xxxxxxxx

Sansa had kept the secret and Jon had made her promise she would act surprised when they met back up with their friends for brunch on Sunday. The drove out to Coronado Island Saturday morning. It was past peak tourist season so parking hadn't been a complete headache. They had a late breakfast and spent the afternoon walking the town. Once they checked into the Hotel Del they decided to take a walk down the beach.

The ocean was beautiful. And initially they walked quietly hand in hand enjoying the salty air and the sounds of the waves and the birds. Jon knew they had been living in a bubble for the last few days. Part of him wished they could stay there forever. Perhaps they could buy one of the many island bungalows that they had passed earlier today and just stay here. He sighed then realizing that it was useless to keep hiding from the reality of their lives. And given the current situation with the Starks, they would need to face things sooner rather than later.

"What was the update from Robb this afternoon?" he asked as a way to broach the topic.

"They are going to start bringing him out Monday. They're hopeful it'll be a smooth process. His scans have continued to show strong activity, now that the swelling has reduced so much."

"Would you like us to be there for that?"

Sansa stopped and pulled him to a stop as well. She felt her heart start to beat faster as she looked at him. "Us?" she asked carefully.

He gave her a soft thoughtful smile and tucked her hair behind her ear with his free hand while he squeezed the other. "Yeah, us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re coming to the end of the road folks. One more chapter and then we’ll all have to say goodbye. :(
> 
> Pictures on tumblr


	21. Epilogue - Mackinac Island, MI

Five Years Later

“Cat! Play nice with your cousins!” Jeyne scolded her daughter before sinking down into the chaise next to Sansa with a heavy exhale. Sansa smiled, her niece could be just as strong willed and stubborn as her namesake.

Her nephew, Galen, ran over then and handed his mother a flower, telling her it was for the baby, then kissed her round belly and ran off to where his sister was bossing around their cousins. “I hope he stays that sweet when this one arrives,” Jeyne sighed placing her hand on her stomach.

“Well I think he might have to toughen up if he’s going to survive the sister he already has,” Sansa said as they watched Cat forcibly take his sand bucket with a slight shove. Before he could cry though Little Sam, or Sammy as they had started to call him, ran over and offered his bucket to the other boy.

“He’s such a caring little boy,” Gilly said with a smile. “You should see how helpful he tries to be when Joey cries.” She glanced at her barely one year old son who lay sleeping on a blanket in the shade next to her chair.

“When do you think you and Jon with give Lya a little brother or sister to torment?” Jeyne asked.

Before Sansa could answer, Jeyne groaned and pushed herself out of her chair to go separate Cat and Galen who were now fighting over a shovel that Cat was attempting to commandeer. Sansa watched her go for a moment before looking over to where Robb, Theon, Jon and Sam were playing volleyball. Her eyes locked on Jon and she couldn’t help but smile.

“I know that look,” Gilly observed when Jeyne was out of earshot.

“What?” she asked turning quickly back to Gilly.

“When are you due?”

Sansa’s eyes got wide and then she giggled. “We’re announcing it at dinner tonight, once everyone else is here.”

“Well congratulations,” Gilly whispered as Jeyne headed back with a pouting whining Cat en tow.

Sansa relished these Fourth of July “family” reunions. This was the fourth year in a row that they had done it and she hoped it was something that would always be a part of their lives going forward.

So much had changed in the five years since her parents and Rickon had died, but she was proud of the fact that the bonds of their family had only grown stronger. It also made her happy to think back to all they had celebrated in that time.

She and Jon had celebrated Sam and Gilly’s engagement with them. As a thank you to Jon for finally talking him passed his nerves, Sam had agreed to keep their road trip car and attempt to sell it so they could fly back to Michigan a couple of days later to be with Bran as he came out of his coma.

Jon hadn’t minded coming home with her, the Targaryen name had final lost some of its power over him. He had told her he wasn’t sure that he would want to live in Winter Falls permanently, but he was open to a discussion on it, and he reassured her that he could handle it for now, for her, for the family.

Bran had come out of his coma the week they came home from California. Once he had been stabilized, he had been transferred to the hospital at the University of Michigan for his rehab. He had met Meera there. She was a year older and a volunteer in his ward. Sansa had liked her instantly. She was tough and outspoken, and when Bran had started to feel down about his disability she had not tolerated it. Sansa always felt she had been an important part of her brother’s recovery. They were all still very close to this day. In fact, Bran and Meera were coming together later this afternoon. It was the third year in a row now. Bran insisted they were still just friends, but Sansa was certain she saw something there. They were still young though, so she did her best to not push them. And really in the end it won’t matter if they married or not, she would always think of Meera as a sister.

While Bran had been in the hospital, Robb, Sansa and Arya had agreed to sell the house they had grown up in. They had not reached the decision lightly, but they also agreed that none of them planned to live in the house long term. Robb did not plan to move back to Winter Falls in the foreseeable future. Arya was in college and hinted she was considering Europe as a long term option. Jon had told her it was her decision, he even offered to help her with the mortgage if she wanted to stay, but she knew that if none of her siblings were going to be there then there was no reason to hold on to the house either.

With the decision made she and Jon had worked together to make it ready for the sale. She had stayed there until the house sold, which thankful didn’t take long. After that she had moved to Ann Arbor, deciding to live with Robb and Jeyne to help them when the baby came and to be close to Bran.

Jon had returned to Chicago after Thanksgiving to wrap up his life there. His lease had been up in December anyways and it had been an easy decision to pack up and make the same move to Ann Arbor. He got an apartment a few blocks from Robb’s.

Uncle Benjen moved to town in January. He explained that he had requested a hardship transfer from the military. He had kept it to himself because he wasn’t sure it was going to be granted. He informed them that he hoped they would be ok with him taking charge of Bran and his care. Sansa and Robb had initially told him it wasn’t necessary, that they had it handled, but he gently reminded them about their parents’ will, in which he had been named as the guardian for any minor children. He told them he didn’t care that the will was written years ago, he still wanted to fulfill their wishes if Robb and Sansa we’re ok with it. After several serious discussion they decided it would be better for everyone to allow Benjen to help them.

That same month Sam and Gilly had contacted them to reveal that their engagement celebration had resulted in a slightly unplanned pregnancy. They had gotten married quietly at city hall but they wanted Jon and Sansa to come visit when they had the baby.

Jon and Sansa dated throughout the spring. Things were completely different this time. They had both matured, and with the secrets gone they were able to discuss things openly. They made decisions together and respected each other’s opinions and needs. Jon got a job with the university hospital. Sansa decided to start her own photography business.

And so with things settled at home they had gone to California the following summer to meet Little Sam. They planned it so they had time to take a proper road trip along the Pacific Coast Highway after. They have driven the coast and Jon had proposed to her on the beach in Big Sur.

They had married that fall, at the height of the fall colors, in an intimate ceremony in the northern part of the state on the lake shore. They had danced their first dance to a soft slow cover version of The Lumineers “Sleep on the Floor.” It was the song that had been their’s ever since they had heard it on the drive to San Diego. When Sansa had heard the lines, “Put on your dress, yes wear something nice, decide on me, yea decide on us, Illinois, Illinois,” she had taken it as a sign that everything was going to be ok.

It was at their wedding that Sansa had come up with the idea that they should all gather yearly. After numerous discussions it had been agreed on that the Fourth of July would be best. Jon decided to use the money from the Targaryens to subsidize the vacations.

The following Fourth of July they had all gathered on Mackinac Island to start the tradition. And four years later it was still going strong. The core group consisted of the Starks and the Tarlys, but over the years Theon, Margaery, Pyp, Grenn and their families had joined them. Tormund and Brienne even made it a couple of times. They were still just friends, but Tormund had told Jon last year that he had gotten her to agree to consider marrying him if they were both still single by thirty five.

On their one year wedding anniversary they had taken a road trip along the Blue Ridge Parkway, conceiving Lya in a cabin in the Great Smokey Mountains.

Sansa had not gone back to school, they had talked about it but in the end she decided against it. Robb had been right when he told her during one of their long ago arguments over their mother’s care, that she did not need a degree to be a photographer. And while it had hurt at the time, in the last few years she had come to accept that she was unlikely to become the next Ansel Adams. And she was ok with that. It had helped that she had become a very in demand wedding and family photographer. She loved her job and never regretted the decision. It was a blessing that the job paid well and gave her the ability to make her own schedule. She knew that would be even more important with baby number two on the way.

Not that they had to be worried about money. Though they had had no real contact with him up until a few months ago, Rhaegar had still given them another five hundred thousand dollars between their wedding and Lya’s birth. They had kept it, but they chose not to use it as part of their normal everyday lives. Instead they kept the money in an account that they used for family gatherings, and one day their kids’ college tuition.

Sansa found their relationship with Rhaegar to be strange, a tentative work in progress. He had won the election five years ago, becoming the junior senator from California. He was up for reelection next year. He and Elia had finally divorced last year and a few months ago he had made his first attempt to reach out to his son, calling on Jon’s birthday. They had spoken for a few minutes and Rhaegar asked if it was ok for him to call again. Jon had told him that he could if he wanted to. The contact was still minimal, but it was still on going. Sansa had been surprised Jon was willing to even entertain his father’s efforts. But Jon had told her he had no desire to hold on to bitterness from the past. Furthermore she had shown him the power that forgiveness had in a person’s life and for whatever reason, he felt a duty to attempt to pay it forward. Sansa still didn’t understand it, but she was allowing him to make his own choices on the matter for now.

That night after dinner, once Lya was asleep in Sam and Gilly’s room, Sansa and Jon decided to take a walk down the shore of the island, holding hands like they always did.

“You look ridiculously happy,” Jon observed with a smile.

“I am ridiculously happy, being here with our family always makes me so happy. It even lets me overlook Arya’s little crack about giving all of us condoms for Christmas.”

“Oh you know she loves being an aunt. She’s just trying to distract you all from asking her about when her and Gendry are going to stop pretending and add to the group.”

“Oh please, she’s been rather clear they’re just a casual thing, in fact she’d probably classify them as even less than casual.”

“Then why’d he’d ask Robb if there’d be a problem with them moving in together?”

“Shut up! That little sneak! I knew it! I can’t wait to ask her about it tomorrow!” Sansa declared with triumph as she rubbed her belly. Jon laughed.

“So short trip this year?” Jon said placing his hand on her stomach.

“Yeah, I’m not sure how much time I’ll be able to take in the car by then.” She’d be nearly eight months along by then, but she knew they would still take some sort of road trip. It was how they celebrated their anniversary every year.

“What? You don’t trust me to deliver the baby alongside the road?” Jon joked and Sansa swatted him.

Somewhere someone down the beach started to light off fireworks. They stopped and watched. Jon held her close and kissed her temple as the red and blues caught in her features. When the fireworks stopped she turned and hugged him, looking out over his shoulder, across the water to the traffic on the bridge. She smiled looking at the headlights, imaging the adventures that the occupants were headed off to.

It made her think of their own adventure long ago, the one that had eventually lead them here. She knew a lot of road still lay ahead of them, and she smiled thinking about all the possibilities. Because the one thing Sansa had learned throughout the last few years was that it didn’t matter how winding or long the road was, as long as you followed your heart it would take you where you were supposed to be. In the end the road would lead you home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I had to work in the song lyrics somewhere, they were the inspiration for this story after all...
> 
> Thank you all for reading. And your comments and kudos were so valuable in both driving the story on and lifting me up during some hard days. I truly hope you enjoyed the journey, and found it satisfying. (Yea for it being a happy ending!) 
> 
> Hopefully I’ll be back soon. I have a story in progress, but alas I cannot start posting it till I have a completed rough draft and progress has been slow. :-/ (Maybe because it’s a trash story no one asked for, lol. But inspiration was found in an odd place so it must be told...) 
> 
> Anyways, thanks again and last photo up on tumblr.

**Author's Note:**

> As always thank you for reading! If you feel compelled to comment, please do. I try to respond to most comments, but know even if I don't, I read every single one.
> 
> Also shameless plug - if you like my writing style and need something to tide you over between updates, please check out my completed fics. ("In the Shadow of the Flames" is my fav of the two.) Thanks!


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